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Showing people my scars

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Posted 6/12/2014 9:29 PM (GMT 0)
I've got a large scar from the middle of my ribs to the middle of my hips, this is around an inch wide and is quite unnattractive to me. This scar actually has a kind of uneven from one side to the other because of the way that they stapled me up. I also have a circular scar on my right side of my stomach from my stoma reversal surgery.

I am only 17 years old, and I'm worried about showing anyone my scars. Are they unnattractive? What do I tell people? Will it affect relationships? :S
Posted 6/12/2014 9:58 PM (GMT 0)
How long have you had your scars? They'll shrink some and fade considerably in time. I had a rather large scar after having my colon removed during childhood, in addition to the ileostomy scar and a scar from a post-surgery drainage tube.

It inhibited me quite a bit in my teen years and I was self-conscious about things like changing in the locker room (so I changed in a bathroom stall instead) and what the reaction might be when I started to date. In some ways my fear about how others might view the scars probably kept me from having a social life until I was in my twenties.

As it turns out, I gave those scars way more thought than anyone else did! And I made sure to broach the subject early so if anyone was shallow enough that it would make a difference to them, they had plenty of time to bail. In that sense, your scars are a useful filter: anyone who'd have a problem with something like that is someone you don't want in your life anyway.
Posted 6/12/2014 10:28 PM (GMT 0)
What do I tell people?

You could tell that you suffered a shark attack, had a cesarian, ... Endless possibilities here.

Anyway, I wouldn't worry about it. People that have problems with it are not worth your time.
Posted 6/12/2014 10:59 PM (GMT 0)
Well they have faded a considerable amount since my operation, I've had the stoma reversal scar for about a year now, and my other scar for nearly 3 years.
I think I'm just a bit nervous because no one but my family has ever seen them and eve they can't get use to it. It just worries me to think that someone could judge me for what I've been through. I actually did use the bathrooms to change in when I had my stoma but then some girls came in and saw me, and they spread it around school. I know teenagers can be mean and I just wish I had an explanation for the scars that would stop the questions.
Posted 6/12/2014 11:05 PM (GMT 0)
My husband has a scar where part of his rib was removed to do a bone graft. We have been together since we were very young. I was 16 he was 20. He was very concerned about it. It never once bothered me. I actually liked it. It made him more I guess you would say human. I mean it let me know he would not judge me as harshly as I judged myself. Scars do fade over time. If you are worried just say something like I had this surgery and it left me with a scar. Then be honest with your vulnerabilty about that.
Posted 6/12/2014 11:26 PM (GMT 0)
I'm proud of my scars. If I were younger I would totally wear a bikini but I'm 45 and even though I'm in decent shape, I feel like I'm too old for one. My surgery was done lapo so my scars are small but my old stoma site scar is a couple inches long.

Really I think scars are cool. They tell a story. Don't be ashamed of them. :)
Posted 6/12/2014 11:52 PM (GMT 0)

ScarletteSurvivor said...

Will it affect relationships? :S


You know what, Scarlette ... the thing about this stuff is that it's a blessing and a curse. You're going to feel embarrassed about it so it will slow your socialising down and undermine your confidence. That's the negative.

The positive?

It'll attract the keepers. Because they're with you for all the right reasons.

My guess is that all these difficulties will make you resilient and provide you with the right emotional framework to make all your dreams come true in the future.

Hang in there, dude. And throw a middle finger up to all the school yard idiots!
Posted 6/13/2014 12:18 AM (GMT 0)
Wear those scars with pride. It lets you know your a survivor and you're fighting everything that comes your way. I have about a 10inch scar on my leg from a tumor that was removed years ago plus both hip bones were shaved off to go into the hole where the tumor was. I love those scars because it's a reminder I still have my leg. :)... I hope one day you will fell the same way. :)
Posted 6/13/2014 12:38 AM (GMT 0)
scarlett,
I have a similar scar, though not as wide. It was emergency surgery and it really hasn't faded much since 30 years ago. But I had a great figure for most of my youth so I wore a bikini and when people asked, I just answered, "car accident". No big deal.

Coastal Chris, it didn't help me attract "keepers". I mostly attract psychopaths and they don't care if you have a scar.

There's no hard and fast rule about how people will react to our scars. People judge us based on our own self-images, which is reflected in the way we respond to others. And that's a whole nother ball of wax.
Posted 6/13/2014 8:57 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you everyone for your help, I know it will take time to build up my confidence but it has definitely made me feel better knowing that other people out there know what I'm going through and have got through it.

Thank you so much :)
Posted 6/13/2014 9:38 AM (GMT 0)
Hey, don't forget we're all a work in progress, Scarlette.

Even incredible amazing men like me!! ;)
Posted 6/13/2014 10:42 AM (GMT 0)
They're not scars, they're battle wounds and you are a warrior!!!

Think of it that way! :-)
Posted 6/13/2014 11:53 AM (GMT 0)
It does take time to become confident in showing your scars. I know it took me a VERY long time to show mine. I don't have surgery scars like you do but when I was 12 I came down with Rubella. I ended up with a huge welt from the disease that went from my pubic bone to under my breasts that encompassed my entire stomach area. After I got over it and the welt went down, it left red angry mottled skin that I still have to this day.

As Caren said, our scars are battle wounds. I was nearly blinded by Rubella and since I had a very severe case, it could've killed me.....my scar reminds me that I am a survivor. And so are you :)
Posted 6/13/2014 3:47 PM (GMT 0)
No worries guys think scars are cool. We often show them to other guys and brag about how overcame what ever it was. Just know you can out do them, and put them in their place: oh you got that tiny, little scar from jumping off a roof oh boy do I got you beat.

You need to be comfortable in your own skin, and not worry about it. Maybe it comes with age, but I could care less about what others think of me haha.
Posted 6/14/2014 4:14 AM (GMT 0)
Im so sorry to hear about your worry and frustration with your scars. My thoughts, feel blessed that you have a bullcrap filter. If anyone doesnt like you because you have scars, they arent worth your time. Forget them. Your scars and body are your business. You dont owe anyone an explanation, unless you want to give them one. Being beautiful isnt about how you look. To me it is about carrying yourself with respect and dignity, and treating others with kindness.

what to tell people- I say feel free to make up a story about how you rescued a busload of orphaned children from a lion attack, or saved a baby seal from a being eaten by a killer whale. Whatever floats your boat. Life is way too short to worry about other people's opinions. I know that is hard, and when I was 17, I would have felt the same way you do.

Hang in there, and believe in your own beauty, scars and all!
Posted 6/14/2014 5:37 PM (GMT 0)
I wear all my scars proudly! I EARNED THEM WELL.

At age 21 I had major lung surgery and the incision runs from under my right breast to the centre of my back upward around the shape of the right shoulder blade. I've never hidden it if I had a top or dress that was low or cut our or whatever.

It is what you make it....but remember you'll have them for the rest of your life. People are under the illusion that body perfection most desirable. No one is perfect. It's your perception and belief that's more damaging than what they actually say.

I'm curious what exactly they told others in the school. It would have been better if they asked you about it.

Why haven't you shown your family your scars? and why haven't they asked to see them?

You could get a tattoo around that area to signify what you've been through....it might help you to see that you are a survivor (your name already states it, doesn't it?)

Hang tough....it's hard enough to be 17 growing up in this world, let alone to deal with difficult health issues, surgeries and acceptance.

q
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