Feeling so helpless / desperate

I haven't posted in awhile ( not that I was ever prolific )..... Going on week 24 of a severe flare up that put me in the hospital for 5 days several weeks ago. Started Remicade in hospital, and had my week 2 infusion last Sunday and not seeing a single shred of positive change from it. I've already failed asacol ( made me bleed like a stabbing victim ), uceris ( immediate systemic steroid side effects with hellish abdominal pain ), another prednisone taper ( temporary relief at high doses but side effects ,specifically the most gruesome and painful cystic acne you may have ever seen, that I just cannot tolerate ever again ), and now onto Remicade which so far has not done a G'darn thing to help. It doesn't seem like there is very much left to try assuming I fail on Remicade ( started Imuran at the same time but my pancreatic enzymes blew up after 10 days on it and I stopped taking it because the last thing I need now is a sweet case of pancreatitis to add to the fun )......
What is left? Entyvio or Humira ( doubtful that another Anti-TNFa would help if remicade doesn't do a thing )?

Absolutely terrified of surgery after reading the horror stories and I really want to keep my colon intact..... I know many here have probably been through worse, much worse, but for me I don't think I've ever been at a lower point. I can't do any of the things that I loved to do anymore. My quality of life is literally in the toilet. I suffer every single day with no end in sight and it just never, ever seems to stop. I haven't slept through a night since early February. I've never felt more helpless in my entire life. I'd do just about anything for one normal day again. I just needed to vent....

So sorry to hear of your problems. First I would not be afraid of surgery, I am happy we have it available to us UC'ers when all else fails.

I have not gone above 6mp in RX meds but they all failed to get me to remission.
So here's what I'll ask: have you used ever mesalamine enemas?
Have you ever tried diet modification?
Have you ever taken probiotics especially VSL#3?
Have you ever tried outside-the-box treatments including FMT and others?

People like me and others here who have not responded to RX meds have gotten to remission using individually tailored protocols. For me diet modification+mesalamine enemas when needed+probiotics in early days+daily supplements of 95% turmeric capsules (to replace mesalamine pills), Citrucel fiber pills and clay water got me to remission.

You are not alone, my reading of studies indicates that up to 33% of UC-ers do not respond to the current RX meds. So what do we do? Some opt for surgery and others figure out what works for them.

I'm sure you'll hear some positive surgery stories and some positive alternate-to-RX stories. It's really up to you what to try next. yes, people are trying Entyvio but I haven't seen studies stating what % achieve remission.

This is a safe place to vent, we understand.

"I know many here have probably been through worse, much worse, but for me I don't think I've ever been at a lower point."

I don't think so. It sounds like you have been through an awful lot!!!!, and so please think very carefully about surgery, it seems like to me like now is the time to have a chat with a surgeon...it could change your life for the better...sometimes surgery is the best option for some people.