Sorry to hear your boyfriend is struggling. Not sure of everything you've already tried as you only mentioned remicade and IV steroids. Tell us more if you can.
There's a small percentage of us who are non responders to all traditional treatments and surgery quickly finds us. Ditto on it isn't anything to be feared. It's quite safe and quickly gives people their life back. The most common surgery results in the end with an IPAA or J-pouch, which enables him to poop as he does now, and he will have a few small scars on his abdomen from the laproscopic process.
Often UC responds best to a combination of medications given simultaneously. In my case I did reach a remission (a total absence of UC symptoms) via remicade but it did also take 6MP, Lialda, rowasa, and prednisone to achieve it.
There's many different traditional medication options and alternatives listed within our Resources thread that sticks to the top of the forum, here's a direct link:
www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=38&m=1666318 There's no guarantee any particular UC treatment will work for every individual. Rather, it often takes trial and error.