Posted 3/11/2017 5:18 PM (GMT 0)
It all started right before thanksgiving when I had the worst flare of my life. I thought it was C Diff for a fifth time. I was also on no meds and using diet to heal myself but ate something that scratched me up inside causing the worst flare I've ever had. So i went on prednisone for two and a half months and tapered off slowly. I was definitely feeling withdrawal symptoms and within a week of being off of it I had to go to the ER with extreme pain that turned out to be a kidney stone. I ended up going to the ER three times that week and the third time was admitted. I passed it the next day and immediately after had a flare up with my UC. I missed two and a half weeks of school all together. The second week of my flare I decided to take imodium all week so I could go to school. I also ate very carefully, and I've been on apriso for a few months now. Now my stools are harder and I'm not seeing blood. Still going quite frequently, but I'm fine with that.
So after all of that, this past week my mom got sick with the stomach bug. I steered clear of her room and always wash my hands a lot. I have emetophobia, the extreme fear of vomit or vomiting. So whenever someone in my house is sick, my anxiety goes through the roof which makes my UC even worse. Fastforward a few days to now. My older sister- someone who I'm around an awful lot- got the stomach bug. She knows about my fear and went to the basement so I wasn't made aware until this morning when I woke up and my mom told me. I wiped down the bathroom and my room with disinfectant wipes. I washed my hands and took a shower. But I'm terrified. Not only am I scared of getting sick, I'm scared that me getting sick will spark ANOTHER flare after I just got this last flare under control.
I have had so much stress and anxiety this past month that at times it's unbearable. When I think about everything I've been through and the fact that I'm only 17, I just start crying. It feels never ending, one thing after the another, always anxious and on edge. I see a therapist every Tuesday but our hour long sessions are usually just me venting and her agreeing with things I say and explaining things I don't understand.
Not to mention on top of all of this I have 2 and a half weeks worth of schoolwork to make up. My teachers are understanding but it doesn't really matter because I still have to do all the work.
I don't know what to do at this point. I can't shake the feeling of being trapped in my own body, and I feel like the world is out to get me. What's the point of being here if all ever feel is ill? It not just one thing it's multiple- always is.
I'm greatful for the things I do have, but at the moment I just can't seem to get past this nightmare of a month.