I'm sorry, folks. I only just saw CCinPA's email :-/
I am okay, and by okay, I mean I am still breathing <_<. Everything else is a bit of a mess.
I'm still waiting on surgery. That's been a farce and a half, I can tell you. I had my pre-op health checkup on the 5th October last year (I remember the exact day because it was my brother's birthday...). That's when the abnormal ECG was flagged up and I had to have a follow up ECG. Fair enough. That was nearly six months ago, and I
still haven't spoken to a cardiologist from my local hospital. (Note: my local hospital is not the same one which treats my Crohn's. I used to go there for Crohn's, but it turned out to be terrible at that so I switched to a further away but better hospital 10 years ago. It clearly isn't any better for cardiology.)
Meanwhile I saw the surgeon again last week. He (massive surprise) hadn't heard anything from my local hospital, but put in an urgent referral to a cardiologist at my Crohn's hospital. A few days later I was given a telephone appointment, which I've now had. He wants me to have an echocardiogram, which I'm still waiting on a date for. Hope it's not too long, as I can't have surgery until I have the all clear and I am getting desperately impatient. No, the Crohn's ain't got any better in the meantime, folks. I knock back Questran like it's ice-cold water in the desert, and I still get the hideous, godawful butt burn.
Ironically enough I do actually have a telephone appointment with cardiology at my local hospital on the 21st March. Talk about
closing the stable door after the horse has bolted
But I might as well keep it, I've waited this long for it.
In other news, I've been dealing with my parents' financial affairs. My dad used to manage everything online, but it's quite clear he hasn't been managing anything for a few years. My mum didn't realise before now because everything was being paid by direct debits and it wasn't like bailiffs were knocking on their door. We knew there had been a problem with my dad for a while, but we didn't realise how bad it was. For me, the biggest change was in his personality: he lost interest in the things he used to like, became very apathetic, etc. But depression could just as easily describe all that - my mind didn't leap to dementia tbh.
As for memory loss, that wasn't as obvious as it might seem either. He was very forgetful, but, well, older people often are. It wasn't until last year that I begun to be concerned: my dad was forgetting conversations from the night before or even from earlier the same morning. I don't mean he forgot and then remembered when reminded: he forgot he ever had the conversation at all. But he was still remembering who me and my mum were, so, rightly or wrongly, I assumed if it was dementia it must be mild.
However, even since last summer he has got so much worse. He's forgotten how my brother died - in a year or two, I doubt he will remember who my brother is. He doesn't know what year it is (he guessed at 2018 or thereabout
s, so he's not
completely living in the past yet). And now he seems to be mixing me and my mum up. That is very recent and has only happened a couple of times, but, still, it's not exactly a great sign.
He does have an appointment with a GP coming up. We couldn't get one any earlier because up until now he categorically refused to see a doctor. Now he has relented on that. I hope to god he doesn't miraculously improve for the doctor, because we really do need a diagnosis. For a start, we need to get my dad to give up his car. He doesn't drive much, but he shouldn't be driving at all: he's not safe to. Secondly, we can't get any help or medication without a diagnosis: there's no dementia med which can reverse the damage already done or halt the progression of disease, but there are at least some which can improve memory. Supposedly.
Anyway, so yeah, my dad has been a massive source of stress. Partly because of his unpredictable behaviour
- he's not violent but he is becoming difficult to deal with in other ways. And partly because me and my mum are left with the fallout of his past behaviour
and shutting my mum out of everything. At least the financial stuff will eventually be sorted, but my dad's deteriorating state never will. That can only go in one direction, and that's downhill. I'm dreading the day my dad can't be left alone at all, and my mum ends up a prisoner in her own home. It'll be bad for me too, as basically - tragic though it is - my mum is really the only person left I have a social life with. And my brother, too, occasionally, but only when he stays with my parents.
On top of everything, my neighbours have been driving me round the
bend, to the point I'm now looking to move. To be fair I wanted to move anyway, as while I'm happy enough with the flat itself, I'm not happy with the
location. But there's zero doubt in my mind that if those b*llends hadn't moved in last year, there'd have been no rush whatsoever. I'm still bitter at the housing association for choosing that guy to give the flat to: I know one shouldn't go on appearances, but he looks as though he's in his 20s and fit as a fiddle, as does the extremely loud, shouty bint who visits him several times a week (and who I'm terrified is going to move in and live with him permanently).
Anyway I hope I am not making the wrong decision. Giving that it's housing association property, the process of finding a new place could quite literally end up taking years anyway. You do have more security, and rents tend to be lower, with housing association properties, but I am still considering moving into the private rental market if I have to.
So yeah, that's about
it, I think. Desperately worried for the future, tbh. about
my parents, about
the rapidly rising costs of living, etc. Ironically enough, about
the only thing I'm
not scared of is a nuclear war. I would never, under any pretext, press the button myself, but yeah, I do kinda feel like it would solve a lot of problems if a nuclear bomb or two could be sent my way.
Once again, I apologise for the novel and hope it isn't
too unreadable or long. Lack of sleep isn't helping my state of mind, or brevity, at the moment. I do feel better when I can get enough sleep, but it's so hit and miss. That's one thing I am hoping surgery will at least partly help with, as if I can avoid being waken up by my rectum a few times a night, that would be grand.
Hope you are doing well, or as well as can be, given the state of the world, our disease, etc. etc. :p