afraid of remission

this may sound nuts - it certainly does to me - but I realized yesterday that I am having some anxiety about my greatly improved health that the rectal meds have been providing me the last week and a half. I don't know whether or not I am in "remission," technically, but I do know that I am afraid of this good health because I am afraid it won't last. I feel like I have gotten out of the danger zone, and then I remember that I will have UC the rest of my life and that my current good health could disappear this afternoon, and then I get nervous about believing in a healthy future. I feel like this good health reminds me what my life was like before UC, and the fact that I will never again not have UC (unless I lose my colon). Does that make any sense? have any of oyu ever felt this way? I am coming up on my one-year anniversary of my diagnosis, and the last 2 weeks is the best I have felt since getting sick, so maybe this gets easier with time, maybe this is strange for me, in part, because it is my first experienced with renewed health since getting UC? I don't know. Just wanted to know if any of you ever feel this?

I always get nervous when things in life go well. A therapist told me that was not a good thing. For me personally whenever things start to go well, something bad happens. Well I am trying to accept that something bad would have happened anyway, not just because I relaxed and wasn't on the constant lookout for something 'bad' to happen.

I've also started to accept that there will be a ton of ups and downs no matter what and all I can change is the way that I deal with it, not the fact that it is happening.

I was scared (and still am...ups and downs, today is a down day) when I first started getting better too, because you kow how bad it can be, you know what you could go back to and you know how well you feel now.

All I do is try to be positive and enjoy the feeling well, the bad may or may not come in one form or another and when/if it does, deal with it then, enjoy yourself as much as you can for as long as you can.

right now I am pretty upset with everything that is going on but I have a right to be and I know I can deal with it and try not to let it control me and know that I will be ok (hopefully = )

UCinNC,

I think this is about the value you place on your condition. You seem to be giving UC a lot of respect. It's like you talk about it as a Darth Vader type bad guy. Does it deserve such respect? Does this condition deserve the amount of worry some of us give it. It attacks your colon? Are you going to let it attack your mind as well?

Right now for me personally I do not "have" UC. I had it last summer but I do not have it now. This is my firm believe. People may say I'm deluding myself, people may say I'm in denial, people may say this isn't correct medically. In the nicest possible way I couldn't care what they think. They are missing the point. I refuse to put any labels on myself about being chronically ill. I may get another flare up and I'll deal with that if and when it arises. My life is normal now the same as it was before my first flare and I'm certianly not gonna pollute my sub-conscious with tales of what if and maybe....its polluted enough already with other stuff..

You need to stay in the present. You really don't know what will happen in the future. It's not something you can control. It makes no logical sense to worry about something you cannot control. It's tough I grant you to try and not worry about it. There's a healthy balance. You can be knowledgeable about the condition and work towards staying healthy but as soon as that balance shifts to worry you let the thing grip you.

The only fear you really have is the unknown. You don't really fear UC. You will get through it. You've gotten through the lat 12 months. But I think you maybe be fearing not knowing what the future holds. I apologise if I'm being presumptious.

Statements like remission, flare, cure...they are pretty subjective. Work with how you feel yourself and not with labels.

So it's you one year anniversary of having this condition. Why not label it as your one year anniversary of having dealt with this condition....successfully!

D

Think of that quote from Maya Angelou in SBauer07's signature: "if you can't change something, change your attitude." You have to train your mind to function in the present & not to dwell on the future, which NO ONE can predict. When I was a schoolchild & money was short at home, I would sometimes comment to my mother that it must be great to be rich. Having lived thru the Great Depression, she would usually reply: "People can lose their money overnight." She had seen it happen. The future, to anyone with a functioning adult brain, is-- by its nature-- somewhat scary. You are now improving & hopefully will get your UC under control soon. That's an achievement to feel good about. Your fiance understands your struggle & tries to be supportive: another big plus in your favor. Maybe you can't run a marathon right now, but there are still "normal" activities you can enjoy. Do it! How do diabetics get on with life? They are also unlikely to ever be cured. UC can be a real ordeal to cope with, but you're getting a handle on it. Take a deep breath & tell yourself to move on positively. / Old Hat (nearly 30 yrs with left-sided UC ... [etc.])

Live in the moment.
Live in the moment.
Live in the moment.

Try as hard as you can to enjoy this time of feeling better. It may continue for the rest of your life! No one knows if it you will be trouble-free the rest of your life or if the rest of your life is today! Don't waste time with what-ifs about the future.

It takes practice, and I don't claim to be an expert by any stretch, but I know that when I try hard to live in the moment,
my anxiety and my depression are at much lower levels than when I ruminate about the past or fret about the future.

Live in the moment -- and ENJOY!

Mitz

Hi...well, you're doing much more than I will ever do...so it's definitely subjective as to living in the present.

I think you should consider to talk to someone and possibly research cognitive behavioural therapy...it could just very well help with that next step into dealing with panic...

It's all about perspective and what you think.

quincy

I most certainly agree with the idea of feeling nervous when you're in a remission. You want to keep on feeling good for the rest of your life, but you know that this is unlikely to happen. Lame as it sounds, my best advice is simply to enjoy it while the feeling lasts. Let's face it, having to live with UC sucks...it makes it difficult to plan for the future, and it causes anyone who is not completely ignorant about their condition some anxiety when they start to look down the road. Offsetting this, it also gives us a much greater appreciation for every day that we get when we do feel "normal". You can't spend the rest of your life longing for the days before you were diagnosed with UC, wishing that this would all just go away. What you can do, is not let this disease define who you are as a person, and take advantage of every opportunity you get to enjoy your life.

Now maybe I can bring a little bit of hope to everyone with UC who's worrying that perhaps they will one day need to have their colon removed. My father was diagnosed with UC when he was 14, and he battled with pancolitis for 35 years. A large portion of those years were spent in painful, debilhatating flares. Through a combination of the pain and suffering caused by the disease, and the side-effects of the medications he was taking (particularly the prednisone) he became a very angry, unpredictable, and generally unhappy man. Finally, in 2004, it became necessary for him to have an ileostomy. Although I know it's probably the hardest thing he's ever had to go through, in retrospect everyone (including himself) sees it as a benefit. I think my dad put it best a couple of years ago when he said, "Yeah, there's definitely some parts of my life that are unpleasant, but overall it's a big improvement. I can predict how I'm gonna feel from day to day...there's no more pain...and there's no more fear about the future." And do you wanna know something else? I can't remember any point in my childhood where he was as contented or as emotionally stable as he is after having his colon removed.

That's the spirit, UC in NC.

The best way to try to stay in the moment is to teach yourself to become aware of when you are not doing so and to bring your mind consciously back to right here, right now. If you don't allow yourself down that path of what if, I can guarantee that you will be happier today, and probably tomorrow, too. Grab hold of your mind and keep it in the present.

Good luck! And enjoy your remission.

Mitz