I hate the anxiety!

Grrr!  My grandpa died yesterday morning and tomorrow is the viewing just for my immediate family.  He will then be cremated so there won't be a burial.  I know that the drive to the funeral home tomorrow is going to be treacherous as I'll be really nervous which will make my stomach do flip flops and feel like I have to go to the bathroom.  I HATE HATE HATE the anxiety that comes with this disease.  I miss the days of getting a nervous stomach that didn't make me poop..lol.  I'm so thankful that we won't have to go to a cemetery for a burial because I'd be really nervous then.  It drives me insane that instead of mourning and thinking of my grandpa, I have to worry about my stupid disease!

On Saturday my daughter and I will be in a Thanksgiving parade, I'll have to pop a bunch of Immodium just so I can have the peace of mind that my colon will cooperate!

I hate that I can't simply enjoy being in a parade or enjoy going to a morning movie with my daughter's Daisy troop because UC is always in the back of my mind!

It is the worst part of it.
I am feeling better and just can't believe the freedom that has come with it.

Breathe deep, sit by an open window, quiet your body. Don't eat!

The viewing is at 2:00 so I don't think it's a good idea to wait to eat. I will be fine with taking Immodium, it works for me. I hate that I have to do that in order to go to a darn viewing...it's just so frustrating!

If anxiety aggravates your symptoms you may want to ask your GI to prescribe Xanax. It's good for stressful situations as it works fairly quickly when the anxious feeling start and it takes the edge off nicely. My husband gets knocked for a loop just taking half a 25 mg dose, while I usually need 50 mg to quell anxiety and I don't feel tired or any other ill effects -- so while it may be a little too late for this situation, you'd want to try it first at a time when and where if it makes you too sleepy or unable to function you'll be able deal with it.

Be very careful when taking Immodium, you can get Toxic Megacolon, which is a life-threatening complication that can occur taking Immodium with UC. My GI has told em not to mess with it under any circumstances, while others on the board here take it fairly regularly. Just make sure your GI knows.

Meesh

glamourgirl - I can TOTALLY relate to what you are going through. I have crohns and before I was diagnosed it was really out of control. My great Aunt died but my immediate family was her only family so we had to make all the arrangements etc. My husband came with me to the services (he was my b/f at the time). I started to get really sick during the funeral and had to leave the "immediate family" section to sit in the back as I had to keep leaving to go the bathroom. When it was time to head to the cemetary my dad told me to just go home (nicely and out of concern, not rudely) but I just couldn't bring myself to do that. We were her only family and I felt I had to be there. My dad just shook his head and said "she wouldn't want you doing this to yourself." So we hoped in our car and since we were family we were the second car behind the hearse (mom and dad in first). We pull into the cemetary and it is a one way road, no turn around our anything. We are now trapped behind 12 + other cars of mourners with no way out. I start scanning for bushes/trees/ businesses within running distance/nothing. My family all sits down and the funeral guys offers me a seat and blanket. I say no thank you I need to stand. He insists. I have to practically yell "NO I NEED TO STAND." I didn't hear a word of the service. I was clenching my butt cheeks and praying they would just put her in the ground already so I could crap. I was in so much pain. Finally it was over and I had to tell my family "no socializing, move your cars now, I need to leave NOW." So my poor husband rushes me to a gas station. The attendant apologizes and says the toilet is out of order - even he has to go to McDonalds, ACROSS the street. Except the street is a divided highway. I ran across it like frogger and by the grace of god got my pants down just in time.

I carried guilt from that day for so long and eventually brought it up in therapy. But my dad was right. Once I realized I was too sick to be at peace there I should have left. And to this day I will never be "part" of the funeral procession. I will ride in the back and then walk up to the front if that is where I belong. My car will be on the street so that I always have an out.

It sucks so bad but I have since learned after diagnosis and lots of trial and error that immodium and xanax are my friend. I am so glad my doctor has no problem with me using it. It is such a lifesaver.

Thanks everyone for your kind words! I take Immodium often and it works great for me, there is no fear of toxic megacolon because I go right back to normal the next day. I've even used it daily on vacations and I still have a few BM's in the morning. I have some Xanax and I thought about taking a 1/2. I just hate to be loopy, it bothers me that in order to get through stressful stuff I have to pop a pill or have a drink (a glass of wine does wonders for me too in stressful situations!). I just wish that I could go to a darn funeral and not have to worry about my disease too! boo hoo!!

FitzyK23-Your story from your aunt's funeral sounds exactly like things I have been through. I'm surprised you made it, I can't hold it that long..lol. My heart went out to you while reading your story, I could relate to that anxiety and totally feel it.

Sorry for the loss of your grandfather iknow what you are going through i lost my dad 4 weeks ago and it is very hard without any other problems but u/c seems to thrive on our emotions and worry makes it worse not much help i know hope it all goes well

Elaine - I think part of that is from the Immodium. When I take immodium I pee SO much more.