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Ulcerative Colitis
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Posted 6/3/2009 4:29 PM (GMT 0)
Hi all,
I have been gone for awhile, and hanging out on the IBS forum a little but I would really love ANY help with this. Things have been moderately(ish) under control--that is to say I am getting used to having to go to he bathroom ASAP after eating and all that goes with that. I've just started dating someone and, while he knows about my colon issues, we don't have any reason to go into detail about them. We spend a decent amount of time together, but I never stay at his place. I'm too embarrassed about having to go to the bathroom in his small apartment (he doesn't know this is why). I would like to be able to sleep there, but I just get anxious and mortified about being loud in the bathroom or having to go several times. He's starting to take offense that I won't stay the night. I'm really torn about this--has anyone experienced this? I'm just feeling crappy (no pun intended) and could really use ANY suggestions.
Thanks!
Posted 6/3/2009 4:45 PM (GMT 0)

Having been married to a wonderful man for 48 years, I have only one thing to tell you - be absolutely straight forward - have a talk to him about it - see how he feels.  There really isn't any other way.  Be prepared - room deodorizer, noise deterent, etc.  I guess it will all depend on how much he cares!

ElaineNY

Posted 6/3/2009 4:52 PM (GMT 0)
I would be as truthful as possible if you really like him im sure he will understand and the more you worry he worse it will get has he stayed at your place if not try that first if you are ok with that then stay at his place thats what i would do i think.
Posted 6/3/2009 5:04 PM (GMT 0)
Could say you also like to sleep with a fan on. That gets some noise in the bedroom if the br is close. Just be honest.
Posted 6/3/2009 5:42 PM (GMT 0)
Being a guy, he may not take as much offense to it as a woman does...at least that is how I feel.... You should hear some dudes in the restroom - and they probably dont even have UC!! So most guys are a little different when it comes to restroom etiquette.

There are some things you can do to mask noise:
1.) Run the sink
2.) Flush the toilet during the noisiest blowouts
3.) Make sure the fan is on
4.) Sleeping w/ fan on was a great idea
5.) Turn up the TV if it is during wake hours...possibly even say that you need the TV on to sleep...that can work in your favor later if you have to go during the night...just bump up the volume a bit...
6.) I have done this before and it works - but it can be messy - wad up some TP against your butt...it acts as a silencer for gas...it can get messy if there is mucous, but it works in a pinch...
7,) Shove a towel up against the door covering the small crack

As far as repeated trips - that is something you will just have to explain....most guys will not think anything of it....

Its a real bummer - toilets are like huge megaphones with no noise dampening....but again there are some simple effective techniques that help a lot.

I remember taking a cruise with my wife - the state room has a freakin closet for a bathroom, with no fan.... I just turned up the TV, I ran the shower, and shoved a towel up to the bottom of the door....during the night was ok too since I sleep w/ the TV on anyway....
Posted 6/3/2009 6:14 PM (GMT 0)
Just be honest! If the relationship is really going to go anywhere, you'll have to spend the night with him at some point! Besides, if you do end up marrying him, he has the right to know what's going on with your health.
Posted 6/3/2009 6:48 PM (GMT 0)
YOU GUYS ARE SO AWESOME! I know honesty is the way to go, but i also LOVE the tips. It's so nice to have an outlet for this. Thanks so much!
Posted 6/3/2009 7:15 PM (GMT 0)
I was dating my husband before I was diagnosed. But when I first got sick, we lived in different states. That first visit was really hard. Especially because he shared one tiny bathroom with two college boys that I DIDN'T KNOW!
I talked to him before I went out and told him that it worries me. I think he may have even talked to his roommates about being at the other end of the house at certain times of the day so I could have the bathroom area to myself. Other tricks... I turn the tv or music up really loud so no one hears; Turn on the shower- sometimes the bath water alone isn't loud enough... You can make sure he has air freshener or carry some with you.
Be honest and let people know what you are going through. You don't have to be graphic but be honest. I have always had people listen and go above and beyond to make me more comfortable.
Good Luck.

P.S. Now it doesn't even faze my husband what he hears in my bathroom. He actually helps me clean my stoma now that I had the surgery!
Posted 6/4/2009 1:26 AM (GMT 0)
I think the more you speak of it with him, the sooner and better comfort he/she will experience with it.

Im very open abuut my problem with almost Everyone hha.. and Im quite discriptive at times too,
never embarassed cus its not my fault..

My girlfriend is a UC professional now, and she never knew a thing about it before! shes actually into researching stuff for it at times..


she asks me how I know when Im gettinng better, I just tell her. my poop. bleeding, diarea, etc. etc. etc.

Somtimes I even ask her if shes complaining about her stomach aches, if she has blood etc. in her poop.
Shes kind of grateful becuase now shes into raw food and eating VERY healthy cus shes scared to get what I have..

so its kind of a blessing to those around us at times. =]

if he doesnt accept it, well then screw him! =] he should be supportive. and Im sure his poop doesnt smell like roses.
Posted 6/4/2009 3:01 AM (GMT 0)
I am so in love with this forum right now. Just having your advice and support makes me feel so much better about the situation.
Posted 6/4/2009 3:20 AM (GMT 0)
Just a counterpoint from a young woman who was "out there" recently in terms of dating. Honesty is important, but there is such a thing as "too much too soon." I'd say when you're ready emotionally for "sleepovers," you're probably ready to discuss it with him. If you don't feel comfortable discussing it with him yet, then just hold off on the physical intimacy. In the end, though, the others are right: If he ditches you for a medical reason, just say "good riddance."
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