How do You prepare for a death?

I always try to tell myself that it is for the best. I know that is kind of sick but I feel like if someone lives to be old, they have lived a long life and hopefully a happy life surrounded by friends and family that love them. Maybe they aren't able to live it how they want to anymore and life has become a struggle. They will finally be at peace and not held back by their physical condition. I am sorry to hear that your grandpa is ill. I hope he has lived a full life and I know he will go on to be freed.

Death can be very hard to deal with as I'm sure most people know, and I don't want to sound like I'm a cold fish or anything but for me it just depends on who it is that has died...some deaths have affected me much worse than other deaths, I found it a little strange at first until I quickly realized that one particular person (as well as a cat we had) was so much more important in my life than some of the others.

Thing is you never know for sure how you will be affected and that makes it harder to prepare for some people, there just is no wrong or right in how YOU feel when it comes to death, it is what it is, but a fact of life for us all. I certainly don't worry about my own death, infact there have been many days that I looked forward to it, no more suffering and such.

:)

I am so sorry to hear about your grandfather. Both sides of my family deal with death differently. Dad's side sees it as "going home" and all live pretty long- Grandma is 94 years old!

On my mom side, they try to ignore it too. When her father died she had a really hard time with her colitis. She had to fly back and forth from LA to Michigan. It wasn't until the funeral that it really took a toll on her body.

If I had to prepare for a death, I know I also flare after the fact. Once things are in order and start to get back to "normal" is when it creeps up on me. I would start with a low fiber diet and if you see symptoms, go right for a clear liquid diet. That is hard to do because if you are like me all you want to do at that time is eat.

Good luck. I wish your family the best.

Hi Dr. A...I can truly relate to all you're experiencing, and however you're dealing with it is OK. I guess there's no right or wrong, and for me being in a situation where a friend of mine is dying of cancer that's spread throughout her body....I don't know if I'll go visit her at this point.

Her will to live is only allowing her to suffer a long death...miniscule amounts daily, and I've come to realise I see no dignity in that type of process. I know what I've learned through this...I will never do as she's done it.

Closer to your situation, another friend who has CD just experienced the death of her beloved grandfather. She was quite distraught at the nowledge that he was wanting to die, and when she went to visit him, she asked him how he felt about it and what his thoughts were on death, etc.
His shared thoughts brought her comfort....and she viewed his death as extremely sad, but not tragic. One doesn't want to see loved ones suffer.

My mother, on the other hand, died June 21, 1994. I pretty much had to ignore much of it hoping she would survive until I graduated from the program that consumed me at that time. I wanted the summer to connect with her, etc. My brother was living with her, and his girlfriend (a nursing student) was caring for my mom....because my mom decided she didn't want to die in the hospital but wanted her kids to care for her. WTH??? Like we have practice at it?
A lot of emotional distresses for me, but I had to stay away based on my mom/brother's relationship until the critical stage happened.

When my mom died (on my graduation day), it was a relief in the way I didn't have to deal with the life-long rejection I felt. It took a while to find any information on how I was supposed to feel (even though I was in therapy)...as pb4 stated, the quality of a relationship pretty much determines how much grief and loss one feels.

Again, the same with my dad's death a few years later...he didn't even want my sister to tell me he was in the hospital. say what??? How does one show actual feelings other than hurt/confusion when there's competition but perceived not caring?

I did have a male friend whom I knew since 1960....he was truly an integral emotional part of my life as a teen and in my early 20's. But, we went our separate ways, and on occasion ran into each other catching up on each other's lives. He died suddenly in 2004 and I still have a severe feeling of loss in my heart knowing that he's not here, even though I barely saw him.

So, whatever my point is....you will never be prepared, but I think the bottom line is your reaction will be what you believe how you are to react. You may flare, so prepare yourself that way by possibly increasing your meds...for the calm after the storm is when it can hit.

There is a book called "Tuesdays with Morrie"....very fast read, but insightful as to connecting with someone who is dying.

The fear of going through it is the hardest I think....but maybe other family members are wanting to share how they're feeling and no one is asking. Maybe connect that way and you may be surprised that you're not the only one.

I'm impressed that your grandfather has made arrangements. My mom had her arrangements too, but when she was in a bad state, the pastor from her church laid the guild trip of being creamated and she had to call in the funeral director to come and help her pick out her coffin. I won't say what I told the minister after the funeral.

Apologies for this being long-winded...but unfortunately the older we get, the more experience of loss we have. No wonder "old" people are sad and miserable sometimes. Acceptance of what we feel and think is really the key.

quincy

I lost my Dad to cancer when I was 20, well no matter what most 20 year olds will say at that age you are not real mature at times. So I handled it differently then, compared to how I would now. My theory then was to distance myself from him while he was alive thinking then I wouldnt miss him as much when he was gone, very selfish on my part. If I had it to do over I would have spent the time he had left getting to really know him, and letting him really know me. But at 20 that didnt accure to me. I didnt live with my Dad growing up so now I wish I had got to know him better. I didnt want to see him in pain so I didnt go to see him as often as I should have, And oh how I wish I would have now.I dont know if there is ever a good way to prepare yourself for something like this. I like to believe they are at peace and no longer in pain.