the "f" word again

I saw my doc yesterday and requested he take a look-see because I started to have obvious symptoms of a flare two days previous..mucus, gas, stomach discomfort and multiple bms over the course of one day, plus some granular poo/mucus with teeny amount of blood. 

It was perfect timing for once.  The scope he used is only for about 6 inches, and yep...inflamed to that point.  No bleeding, but he said it was probably fragile enough with multiple bms...

So, back to nightly enemas.  I asked him about the twice a week maintenance that many are using on the forum and he said whatever works for the patients...so I think that's what I'll taper to and stay there.

My friend died on the 5th...and it was a blessing truly.  I saw her on the Friday before and was shocked in the way she looked like a dark gold mummy....horrific.  It was difficult to get her face out of my mind. 

The funeral was small with invited guests....I couldn't go unfortunately, but my husband did and he was mildly disappointed that no one got up and talked about her and all she did.

The family wasn't even going to put an obituary into the paper....WTH??

So, I'm heartbroken that someone's life who struggled using her strength through the pain to not let any friends see her suffer had no one to say anything about her.

I know I would never let myself go through what she did....nor would I ever allow friends or family to see me that way.  It's confusing to me when the "norm" of death, protocol of funerals, etc has gone awry.  I've learned a lot during these 3 years....noteworthy, but truly deep emotional turmoil.

It all sucks.

quincy

Oh Quincy, I'm sorry to hear about the death of your dear friend. It is sad when people are not remembered for the strength they possessed and the good things they have done. I know the last you saw of her was a tough one, but I'm sure you have many great memories of the times you spent with her; it sounds like she was a wonderful friend to you.

And, I'm sorry you are in the nasty flare mode right now. Instructions to Quincy's colon: Stop it right now! Hope you are feeling better soon, Q.

Quincy, Sorry about your friend. There's only so much you can control, so don't take it to heart that her family didn't follow the norms after her death.

Get better soon! And as a wise person once wrote, don't forget to "treat from both ends" (I couldn't resist)

Sorry to hear about your friend. Don't get upset about there not being an obituary. Some cultures don't do obituaries. As for me, I don't want one. Somehow I would feel less important being one among a page full of obituaries.

My boyfriend's mom is not that old. She is in her 70s. Her health and fitness have deteriorated rapidly over the past two years. Her posture is horrible. She has a huge hump on her back and stands with her back hunched over at between 45 and 90 degrees. Her ankles and feet are swollen. She had a knee transplant, spinal surgery, heart bypass, and heart valve transplant--all during the past two years. She is very overweight and has trouble getting out of her chair due to all the weight as well as the knee transplant and stroke she had from the heart surgery. The worst part is that she relies 100% on medicines and surgery to treat her many health conditions: arthritis, high-blood pressure, heart disease, diabetes, osteoporosis, spondylosis, microscopic colitis, degenerative eye disease... She refuses to change her diet or to exercise. She even refuses to do pool therapy, saying that she had a panic attack the last time she went swimming. And nobody says anything, because they don't want to upset her.f

Hi everyone...thank you for the words of support and kind sentiments. I must clear one thing up...her sisters put a small and most humble obit into the newspaper. The other sister who had breast cancer spread throughout her body as well died 2 weeks before she did (I thought it was only one week but was incorrect). They put an obit for her as well...again, small...and maybe saw it as being fair to each other..etc.

She did deserve recognition, albeit she was a control freak orchestrating situations to work out at the frustration of others. She had a quirky perspective of how life worked....but she did a lot for my mom (lived next door) long before and during her death. I will always appreciate that.

I guess I don't know for sure if she ever said she didn't want an obit...but no one admitted that as of yet.

She was a massage therapist, cranial sacral therapist...and all the other stuff that truly helped me heal from some of my physical ordeals. She had a caring spirit but gave up much of her time for others...but could truly be a pain in the butt sometimes. One had to work hard at understanding what "planet" she was on from time to time.

I and another friend/client will take her daughter (also a client) out for a supper in honour of her...to a restaurant we all went to. I think we'll share some stories and air out some frustrations, give a toast and conclude that life goes on.


Regarding my flare...today was definitely better. The salofalk has started to work its magic rather quickly and the bentylol is again doing its thing.

Yep...I'm nipping it in the "butt"...lol fruitgirl..changed it a bit.

Carol...my colon might have heard your threat!! yikes

LOL Rio...I'll take that to heart too...both ends definitely working better.

Joy....I cannot or wouldn't want to imagine having to deal with all your boyfriend's mom is, and I think I'll start back on the Wii Fit tomorrow!!!!

Sherry...she had surgeries, chemo, radiation, etc for 3 years. It was a long haul, but with her way of making it all seem OK...life continued as normal.

Old Hat....that's pretty cool you did that for your friend....something I never thought about.

I agree to not be angry...I think just dealing with death in general but with not a lot of experience, it tends to be confusing. There are also many in their 50s that have been dying..and it puts one's mortality in perspective.
I think it's more fear than anger...but trying to figure it out through venting has worked and others' perspectives helps as well.

I'm looking forward to a better week starting Monday..LOL!

Hope you all have a good weekend...
quincy xx

Hey Quincy... Just saw your post and wanted to extend my condolences for the loss of your friend... Yes, it's sad that the family didn't say/do more, but if she had many friends like you, which I'm sure she did... you and they know how important she was and that's what matters most.. Probably explains your flare coming on too... I can relate to stress related flares!

Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you and I know the memory of a last visit.. but focus on the good times and the vision in your mind you don't want to have will fade eventually and then all you will have is the good stuff... :)

Take care and hug your friends~!! (I love hugs) :)