Guilt over taking Lorazepam/Ativan/Xanax

John, it's very common for people with chronic disease to have depression and/or anxiety and need medication. All the current research points to it being a brain chemical issue. There's no more reason to feel guilty about a shortage of brain serotonin (depression/anxiety) than there is to feel guilty about a shortage of insulin (diabetes.)

One of the things we tend to do is to blame ourselves - for our disease, for our inability to control it, for our feelings. That doesn't help us at all, but can actually make it worse.

And you might consider some counseling also. It helps the medication be more effective.

Feeling out of control is very scary, I know, and we all have to learn to handle it in our own ways.

Looking...if you don't mind me asking. How much were you taking and for how long? I really need to know this because I don't want to go down that path either. Thanks.

You can form a dependency to these medications, but at a low dose and taking them only as needed that's not likely. Dependency normally occurs when they're taken routinely. And even then, tapering off the medication can be done gradually with minimal problems. And always remember the difference between dependency and addiction. Dependency occurs in your body and is relatively easy to overcome; addiction occurs in your body, brain and emotions and is more difficult because it's part of a lifestyle.

A lot of people hate counseling. If you do decide to try it again, you might benefit from a counselor especially trained to help people who have chronic medical conditions. Our needs are different that others who have depression or anxiety.

So I take it you were taking 2,4,6,8? I'm only taking 1/2 - 1 maybe several times per week.

I also take medication for anxiety (a benzo). I just saw a new psychologist (who works directly with a psychiatrist) this week and I shared the same concerns with him. He was very knowledgeable and told me, NOT to feel bad about taking it, as long as I am taking it as directed (not more often etc). We have it prescribed to us for a reason, as long as we are responsible and don't let it get out of hand, I don't see the problem. He also said, with the disease you have (UC) the last thing you need is severe anxiety, that will only make it worse. I would not feel guilty at all. It's a horrible disease to deal with. You are only human. :)

desdwel,
I found Alprazolam to be extremely helpful. If I'm on prednisone, I take one in the morning so I don't chew employees heads off and I take one at night so I can sleep. Sleeping pills were too strong for me and I couldn't wake up the next day. As my prednisone dose went down, my use of the drug went down. Now I only take it if there is something I know will be really stressful like a tax audit. I used to have at least 2 hospital stays a year before I started addressing the anxiety issues. I have never taken more than 2 per day for ten days. The rest of the time I usually take just half a pill as needed. Maybe 5 pills a month.
I have never felt like I was addicted.
I struggled for many years with feelings of shame and guilt over needing chemical help to deal with the emotional consequences of a chronic illness. At the same time, part of me kept hoping that I would go back into remission and not have any further problems with depression or anxiety. I would be cured of anxiety and depression, right? Months went by, years went by. Finally, I had to fully accept the fact that I have a chronic illness that can come out of remission at any time and that many people with uc have problems with depression and anxiety.
I feel like I reclaimed myself. I have more control of my emotions and I am a lot happier.

The pledge of allegiance sounds good. I'm gonna have to try that.

Thanks for all of the replies. Of course, the best anti-anxiety medication is no medication at all. At least I'm smart enough to know that.

My job in the near future will likely require me to start giving presentations, so that's going to be a brand new venture in finding ways to relax. I'm already nervous just thinking about it, but also a little excited at trying to tackle something so stress-causing. Having UC even makes it more of a challenge.

Anyone ever hear about Lomi Lomi? It's a stomach/abdomen massage that the Hawaiians do. Interesting huh? I think they may be on to something!

-John