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Do you ever wish that people would just leave you ALONE?????

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Ulcerative Colitis
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Posted 12/21/2009 8:46 PM (GMT 0)
MAN.. it's so frustrating! I have so much going on right now with my health and decisions I have to probably make in the near future.. I have trouble sleeping at night and end up finally going to bed around 3am every night.. So sleep in till 9am or so.. Then, from the moment I wake up... I swear, not even been awake for 5 minutes and my husband is on me... asking me to do this, and that, and this,,,,and THAT..... LET ME FRIGGEN WAKE UP OK?????? GEEEEEEZZZZZZZ!!!!! He goes to bed around 7pm and wakes up at 4am.. so by the time I wake up, he's already been up for 5 hours or so and has a pot of coffee in him and is rarin to go! I hate to be a snot, but COME ON... He knows my state of mind right now isn't that great.. AND... I am still doing the paperwork for our business and taking care of all the bills, cleaning the house, cooking food, laundry, taking care of the animals.. (which isn't a quick job when you have horses and chickens..lol) So it's not like I sit around doing nothing when I'm awake..

OK... done venting.. I feel better ;)
Posted 12/21/2009 9:15 PM (GMT 0)
Hahaha. My fiancee and I are both like you. People get on our nerves, so we do well together. I never have moments like your having with your husband. But I get mine at work. The other members of my family are not like my fiancee and me. They always like to know what's going on and let's talk and let's talk some more etc. etc. And I work with my father, and my mother, and my brother. And our offices are all adjacent. I know how you feel!
Posted 12/22/2009 12:04 AM (GMT 0)
I know exactly what you mean...I get the same thing. Somedays I just want to lock the door and shut off the phone and stay in bed all day but I can't because i have little ones to take care of. Hang in there....tomorrow is another day !!!!!
Posted 12/22/2009 12:20 AM (GMT 0)
I like this kind of person staying with me - know and understand my situation, can analyze for my situation, try 'real' effort to help me out. However, at almost all times, most say to me "come on, don't pretend to be so sick", "you are not that bad, pull up", etc.
Posted 12/22/2009 1:47 AM (GMT 0)
Susiebuddy, my dad sounds just like your husband. I need to move, lol.

Againstodds, I used to have a friend who kept telling me to man up and grow a pair. Even when my dad was going to lose his job, be disabled, and not get any medical coverage. And when I cried at my friends; double-funeral, she said, "I can't believe you cried." Oh but it was fine for her to constantly complain.
But what do you expect from a girl who has a moustache?
Posted 12/22/2009 2:00 AM (GMT 0)
Sorry to hear about this Susiebuddy...thankfully I can not relate to your experiance....my hubby knows better, must the the 26 yrs we've been together now, I've obviously whipped him into shape LOL.

:)
Posted 12/22/2009 2:36 AM (GMT 0)
I got very easily pissed off after having UC. I prefer staying alone to talking with someone who does not really care me. I hate telling that I am OK when I am not. Whenever I start speaking, my friends/parents sell their points. They think I am too negative, too stubborn. I now choose to keep silent.
Posted 12/22/2009 2:45 AM (GMT 0)
My husband goes to bed at 11:30 every night. He gets up between 6 and 6:30. I usually can't go to sleep until around 2, and get up sometime between 7 and 8. My husband has finally learned to leave me alone for an hour or two unless there's an emergency. He also knows not to schedule anything before 9-10 in the morning, and to remind me the day before that I need to be ready to go early.

Mainly, I'm just too stiff to move and about as mentally alert as a fence post until I've been up for a while.
Posted 12/22/2009 3:21 AM (GMT 0)

Exact same here Judy - it took a while, however.  I finally convinced my husband not to make any appointments before noon unless he HAD to that I had to go with him.  He goes to bed about 11 with me but wakes up about 6.  He does take the dog out.  But, that is the time I wake up nauseated, sweating and crampy.  One thing I found - get up and take 1/2 Xanax and 2 arthritis Tylenol and go back to bed about 3 hours.  Works!  And when I get up I feel much better if I eat my toast and PB right away!  Then a couple hours on the computer usually and trips to bathroom if necessary - usually 2 or three and done for the day and get to work on the house, etc.

I tell everyone "I don't do mornings".  Most understand and I am 69 so most probably think I am just "OLD"!  LOL

ElaineNY

Posted 12/22/2009 4:03 AM (GMT 0)
My boyfriend goes to sleep at about 9:30 pm and wakes up at 4:30 am. I, on the other hand, usually don't go to sleep until really late and get up really late. I also have been sleeping a lot of hours due to the Lexapro. My boyfriend thinks it's funny that I can sleep through noise, light, ...practically everything. He does have a thing for wanting to do his laundry early on Saturday mornings. I let him pull the sheets out from under me, and then I fall back to sleep.
Posted 12/22/2009 5:40 AM (GMT 0)
Susie...some SOs have empathy, others don't.

Vent away....it won't change him tho. Seems his demands increase as you get sicker...why is that?

q
Posted 12/22/2009 6:45 AM (GMT 0)
Y E S !!!
Posted 12/22/2009 6:59 AM (GMT 0)
Hey everyone.. LOL..

This has been a fun thread to follow and read.. Seems I'm not alone in dealing with irritating people... lol.. Well my husband IS learning, however verrry slowly.. We've had a rocky marriage over the years (Quincy.. you probably remember most of it..lol) and I've been out of the house 3 times in the last 10 years... and in fact was out this last time back in June when I got really sick and HAD to move back home because I couldn't be alone any longer...

But, he has been trying to be better.. the hard part for me is that he's an addict.. He was sober for 14 years from alcohol and still is, but relapsed into using marijuana within the last year as far as I can tell.. Now he uses it EVERY day.. throughout the day.. It is SO upsetting to me but I'm not dealing with it right now because I've got enough worries of my own.. and as long as he's working and paying the bills I won't go there for the time being... I do know that this is something he cannot do forever and will have to face reality and sobriety again eventually, but for now... oh well... I'm just gonna worry about ME... lol.. OH and I'm never leaving this house again.. Next time, (if there is one..) HE GOES... It's not fair to me that I have to do all the hassle of leaving when he's the one with the addiction problem... And addiction runs far deeper than drugs or alcohol I have found out.. it's a total emotional, physical, and mental thing... it can encompass every aspect of a person's life.. hense the rocky marriage..

WOW.. how did that end up coming out? And Q, that probably answers your question... LOL..

But I think I'm going to follow what Judy2 says and tell him that he has to leave me alone for a couple of hours after I wake up to get through my morning routine... Since I stay up so late at night I do all my bookkeeping then and I think he tends to forget that.. (probably cause he's HIGH)... lol... gotta have a sense of humor.. how else am I gonna get through all this?? :)

WOW.. I can't believe I confessed to all that... maybe it's a good thing.. I thought about deleting it.. but heck, it's the truth and maybe just getting it out is the beginning of the healing process... :)
Posted 12/22/2009 7:17 AM (GMT 0)
You have to speak up for yourself. I use to do this but it turned into arguements over who did more. I then learned to start with recognizing what work she does and thanking her before I threw in the fact that I too though I was a hard worker. If one of us isn't doing something then there must be an overload, sickness or problem. If I now walk in the house and notice something with the kids wasn't done yet she's in bed watching TV I don't get upset at her but now ask if she's okay and needs anything. She usually says she had a bad day and just wants to rest. I wish her well and take care of the kids or whatever. Things have been going on a lot better for us since. If your husband knows you are frequently not getting to sleep until 3 am then he is unreasonable to not let you sleep later or expect you'll need a nap to catch up. If this happens a lot then you should coordinate a plan to sleep in until 10 am. A farm is tough with animals that require early morning feeding. If you cannot do this work and neither can he then maybe farm life is not the life for you.
Posted 12/22/2009 7:30 AM (GMT 0)

Susiebuddy said...
Hey everyone.. LOL..

This has been a fun thread to follow and read.. Seems I'm not alone in dealing with irritating people... lol.. Well my husband IS learning, however verrry slowly.. We've had a rocky marriage over the years (Quincy.. you probably remember most of it..lol) and I've been out of the house 3 times in the last 10 years... and in fact was out this last time back in June when I got really sick and HAD to move back home because I couldn't be alone any longer...

But, he has been trying to be better.. the hard part for me is that he's an addict.. He was sober for 14 years from alcohol and still is, but relapsed into using marijuana within the last year as far as I can tell.. Now he uses it EVERY day.. throughout the day.. It is SO upsetting to me but I'm not dealing with it right now because I've got enough worries of my own.. and as long as he's working and paying the bills I won't go there for the time being... I do know that this is something he cannot do forever and will have to face reality and sobriety again eventually, but for now... oh well... I'm just gonna worry about ME... lol.. OH and I'm never leaving this house again.. Next time, (if there is one..) HE GOES... It's not fair to me that I have to do all the hassle of leaving when he's the one with the addiction problem... And addiction runs far deeper than drugs or alcohol I have found out.. it's a total emotional, physical, and mental thing... it can encompass every aspect of a person's life.. hense the rocky marriage..

WOW.. how did that end up coming out? And Q, that probably answers your question... LOL..

But I think I'm going to follow what Judy2 says and tell him that he has to leave me alone for a couple of hours after I wake up to get through my morning routine... Since I stay up so late at night I do all my bookkeeping then and I think he tends to forget that.. (probably cause he's HIGH)... lol... gotta have a sense of humor.. how else am I gonna get through all this?? :)

WOW.. I can't believe I confessed to all that... maybe it's a good thing.. I thought about deleting it.. but heck, it's the truth and maybe just getting it out is the beginning of the healing process... :)

Hi Susiebuddy,

It sounds like he is not happy living in reality and is escaping into the world of pot. Couples therapy should help. If he is not willing to go, then go yourself. A therapist can be a really great adviser.
Posted 12/22/2009 7:47 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks Subdued!!!

I actually just started seeing a therapist last week so funny you should mention that.. lol.. I like her so far and I really feel like she will give me the tools I need to deal with things.. Plus just being able to DUMP everything on someone else (who's getting paid well for it.. lol) once in a while will feel pretty darn good and help me to clear my thoughts.. And Yes, I agree also that hubby doesn't like living in reality... but reality is gonna hit him in the face eventually..... We'll have to wait and see what happpens there...
Posted 12/22/2009 8:46 AM (GMT 0)
Had we not been diagnosed with UC, life would have been wonderful and would be in future. Right now, I just want to stay alone, even leave this world without further talk to anyone. Too many comments from others just complicate my real situation.
Posted 12/22/2009 12:14 PM (GMT 0)
Feeling depressed and fragile goes with this condition for me. I know that when my symptoms are bad I am antisocial even with my partner of 25 years. One good day with eg. formed stools and I am a ray of sunshine for all I encounter, and full of positive energy. Blood in the toilet, cramping, or D, and I am in despair and have to fight to keep from just curling up in a ball. It is almost comical when I think about it, but that is my life, I guess.
Posted 12/22/2009 3:43 PM (GMT 0)

I feel one more comment coming on.  If I was not happy with any pardner I have I would not stay - I would be long gone - my husband agrees!  Life is too short to be unhappy with partners, etc.  Go out find someone who cares!

ElaineNY

Posted 12/23/2009 1:34 AM (GMT 0)
I think people around me get tired of caring me some time after I was Dx with UC. They take it easy because they do not hope their life to be affected by me, my feeling, my down mood. They occasionally feel guilty when they can not help me out of down mood. So the result is either they do not talk/call/touch me becasue I am a hot potato, or they 'cautiously' talk to me to avoid touching my down mood. When, somehow they need to know my real situation, I just tell I am not doing well. They keep silent or choose to get away. I know this is cynicism. I am not reaching out.
Posted 12/23/2009 5:00 AM (GMT 0)

kops2da said...
I feel one more comment coming on. If I was not happy with any pardner I have I would not stay - I would be long gone - my husband agrees! Life is too short to be unhappy with partners, etc. Go out find someone who cares!

ElaineNY


I find though that life is what I make of it. If I make a point to be happy, have a good time, and be compassionate to my family, I get treated well in return and this in turn makes me happy. Of course, I'm not saying that if someone is with a very abusive person that being happy will change them. If a person's partner is abusive, sometimes the only solution is to leave and start anew. That's one of the hardest parts about being in a partnership. It takes two to make the partnership work.
Posted 12/23/2009 6:04 PM (GMT 0)

subdued and all.  You are so right about it taking two to have a good partnership.  Abuse it one thing - physical or verbal!  I would not tolerate either.  I had a friend whose husband bossed her around, told her what to do, etc. - that is verbal abuse - not necessary.  BUT - communication has been the key to our relationship which by the way was not always perfect.  BUT - we worked things out - too many get married now and think they can just divorce if it does not work.  Or, they live together.  To each his own but my husband and I do not believe in "living together" until married.  I know we are old fashioned to some of you but that is our feelings.  We have been married over 48 years.  I was a virgin and wanted it that way.  Generally, life has been wonderful.  We don't always understand how each other feels or why we do things - but we respect each other no matter what.  RESPECT is so important.

Now - the rest of the family is another story.  Being diagnosed so late in life with UC I do believe that some of them think I am just getting "old".  For example, our Christmas at my sons which is 35 miles away has to be early - 11 a.m. and then dinner.  I am not sure I can go out that early.  I know they just don't "get it" but I also told them we would be there as soon as we can and they should just go on with dinner, etc.  My son has to go to work!

ElaineNY

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