Having a rough week.. need to vent...looong post...

Hi everyone....

I am having a bad week... It started last week when my pain started getting worse again and then the depression sets in.. Then I'll have a couple of better days pain wise and get my hopes up, then for the last 2 days it's been worse again. (Problem number 1.)

Now for my main vent..(Problem number 2.) I used to have a BEST friend (my neighbor)... We were like Lucy and Ethel, literally... I just loved her.. We would talk 2 or 3 times a day, go shopping together, ride our horses together and we got along sooooo great.. like sisters. So, this last summer when I got sick and had to go on Steroids, she SUDDENLY quit speaking to me, wouldn't return my calls and would drive by my house in her car and not even look at me or anything.. I felt SO devestated because I had no idea why..

I have been there for her through some pretty tough stuff... She thought she had cancer a couple of years ago (psyched herself out) and was ridden with anxiety for a few weeks. She even called me one morning at 6:30am and asked me drive her to the hospital because she was freaking out so bad.. I got up and immediately drove her, stayed in the ER with her for 5 hours and drove her home after they medicated her with Ativan and told her she was fine.. I would stay at her house and spend the night to help keep her mind off things.. it was just so THERE for her and it took her a while to get over that..

Anyhow, through a mutual friend of ours, I found out that the reason she wrote me off was because we would make plans to go horseback riding together and a few times I had to cancel because I was feeling sick.. She said to our friend that she couldn't deal with my canceling on a ride, so felt it necessary to just shut me out. I also thought that my attitude was a little different maybe from being on such a high dose of Pred for so long and maybe she thought I was getting weird or something.. But all my other friends are still around.. just not her...

Anyhow, after not speaking or hearing from her for probably 5 months now, today she called and left a message for my husband about my Chickens and that she wants me to keep them on my own property.... I have 16 Chickens and they are free range... They wander all over my property and cross the road and go onto her property in her pastures where her horses are... When I first got Chickens, I asked her about the possibility of them wandering on to her property and she told me that it would be fine, that they are good for bug control... (which they ARE) and for the last year and a half she's not said a thing to me.. Well today she calls and leaves this message and I just can't get over it... I know that she's probably never really been a good friend, because who could write someone off like that without even an explanation or anything if you were so close?? My logical mind says good riddance, but my emotional mind is still hurting and it's been over half a year.. I think a huge part of the problem is that she lives right across the (dirt) road and I see her almost every day outside and can hear her talking to her animals and stuff... I feel so let down and sad about this... It's like a death or something..

I am going to fix it so my Chickens can't free range anymore, but I'll still give them plenty of room to get outside their coop... it just really bums me out how much she's turned on me... I just want to sit her down and chew her out... but all that would do is aggavate my illness I'm afraid because I'd be bawling the entire time...

Anyhow... I just wanted to get it out, I've never been hurt by a friend like this before.. it's definately hard to handle..

I am sorry to hear you are going thru that as well.....I will keep you in prayers.

A chronic illness will always seperate the true friends from the not-so true friends.  I had a similar situation when I was sick.  I had an open invitation to a friend that she could bring her boys over to my pool any time.  However, every time she called I was too sick to have company.  The last time she called she yelled at me and told me to call her when I was better.  Yeah, right!  She treated me as if my illness was my fault. Then when I made my mind up to have surgery I lost 2 more really.......long term friends.  One couldn't handle the thought that I would choose surgery over living with UC.  Like you, I had been through thick and thin with this friend and was deeply hurt by her attitude.  Now 9 years later I do talk with her on occasion but I will never be close with her again.

I can't explain why people do this but I try to stay focused on those who are true friends and forget the rest.

Sue 

I'm sorry your 'friend' turned out to be like this. It's never fun when people you think are your friends are in fact entirely different people.

A true friend would never leave you in your time of need...A true friend would never walk away...A true friend would love u unconditionally.

You are lucky. Sounds like you dodged a bullet. Negative energy like that isn't good for your mental or physical health. Right now you feel bad, but with more time you will realize how great it is that you have weeded out such a waste of energy from your life! Life is too short for people who are passive aggressive or users. She sounds like a drama queen who probably doesn't like the fact that your illness detracts from her self importance.

I thought of the letter idea as well, but depending on how hurt you are, you'll say things that are fueled by that feeling.

I feel for you and understand your hurt bigtime. Some friends are better than others, but we all have our limitations as to what we can understand and relate to.

I get where she is regarding the chickens....unfinished business and the feeling that you're walking all over her. She clearly wants the relationship severed....it's good you'll keep them contained.

Are you able to discuss this in therapy and possibly write a letter there so that you can decide whether it'll fuel worse feelings or some closure?

Strange how the best relationships can diminish with such despair....love or hate and betrayal.

It's good you have other friends....work on those relationships.

I know it's not easy what you're going through.

quincy

Thank you so much everyone for your words of encouragement. :)

I swear I got teary eyed reading your replies.. It's true.. I don't need friends like her when I have friends like you all here. I also have a few girlfriends here in town who are supportive of me. They understand I've been pretty sick and unable to do a lot of the things I usually do. I haven't been on my horse in way too long, at least a couple of months.. and that is something I am hesitant to do until I get this right sided pain dealt with. I don't want to upset anything that is already upset.. lol.. (especially the way I ride, not always leisurely...lol)

So, I think I will let some time pass before I write a letter though, I don't want to put something down that I may regret because of my hurt and anger right now. In time I feel I will be able to write a letter, just to get things off my chest.

I spent all day lining one of my horse pastures with Chicken wire... hoping to keep my Chickens confined to an area about 1/2 acre in size... The fencing I have around my pastures is 5 feet high, so I hope they can't fly over that.. If they do.. they'll have to go bye bye..

Well.. time will tell what the future holds, but for now, I'm doing alright I guess.. Just sore and exhausted from working on my fencing all day.. lol... :) Thanks again everyone

Everyone has given such good advice here. In particular I really like the advice Gentle Now (are we related? We have the same last name, LOL) gave about saying (or this could be your letter): "I just wanted to let you know that we penned in the chickens now. And I know that my illness affected our relationship and I'm sorry for that, your friendship meant a lot to me. I'm glad you are feeling healthy now and hope you never feel the pain that illness can bring..."

And then after you do that, you know what you should do? Just treat her like a regular neighbour you've never had an issue with. When you see her outside, just call out "Hi", wave, and carry on. Even if she does not respond at all, just keep doing it. Either she will have to eventually thaw and just wave back, or if she keeps ignoring you she will start to feel like a hag for it. You should NOT have to feel such stress when you are going about your own business on your own property.

And finally let me say I know how it feels to have a formerly close friend do something like this to you. It HURTS. Takes a long time to heal, sorry to say, but you will!

Thanks Gentle!

RH_Texas_Gal.... :)

That is sooooo funny you mentioned clipping only ONE wing.. I actually did some research on the internet last night because I am PARANOID about them getting out and back into her yard.. I found a post where a lady suggested that.. It throws them off balance and they don't take flight.. The roosts in my coop are reachable by a ramp, so I don't have to worry about them being able to fly at all... Today was the first day they were completely penned up and they did fine. It was so funny.... One time I looked out, a lone chicken was just standing there, facing the door like it was looking at me saying... "What the heck?" and it just stood there for like 3 minutes.. It was so funny I had to laugh.. Poor thing looked so confused! At least they have about 1/2 acre to roam around in so I don't think they will feel too cooped up.. lol... But, if they do try to fly out.. Off come some wing feathers... lolol...