People talking about you...

My fiance told his family about my condition and now they are always concerned about me and every time he speaks to them, they talk about me. I find it very annoying. It is my health and I never gave anyone permission to discuss it. I told him that I find it bothersome and he said he would not discuss it anymore. The problem is that they already know and they are constantly asking how I am. It is nice that they care but honestly, there is a reason I don't tell my family about this - I don't want it to be the center of discussion all the time. His family knows what goes on down to the day of doctors appointments... Isn't it a bit much?

Sorry, had to vent. Is there a way I can politely get them off my back?

sfc, thanks for the advice. The problem is that he has given them so many details that they know exactly what is going on, when I am going to the doctor and they want to know if I am ok and I really don't like talking about it. I've had enough talking about it at the doctor. I also come here and get support and I feel like the people here are much more understanding as you all go through the same things. I don't want to hide my UC but I also don't want it to be the center of everyone's conversation. They talk about it even when I am not around. I just wish he didn't tell them so many details. It is fine that they know I have UC but to know when I am starting a medication, what kind of medication, the side effects, what doctor I am seeing... It's too much! I am going to try to let it fizzle out by telling them I am fine.

Personally I think you shouldn't worry about. They are likely just concerned about you and your treatment. Don't sweat the small stuff.

Chris - I can't not worry about it - they call and email and ask a million questions. I don't ask them about their health problems. I don't know why my fiance opened the door to allowing this as a topic of conversation! Perhaps they have nothing more interesting to speak about?

I get that so much too!! My mother immediatly told my entire family as well, so now I even have my 11 year old cousin texting me asking how I'm feeling! One of my Aunt's has also had GI problems and is always telling me she is there if I need to talk, which I do think is sweet and all, but she peppers me with questions every time I see her! I have the generic responce of "oh, I'm fine thank you" but she never believes me even if I am doing alright at the time. My grandparents are also constantly showing sympathy of every kind- no matter how much I insist it could always be worse. Its kind of a downer sometimes because I do like to think that there is always someone that is more sick, but they all make it seem like I have only days left to live! It does get frustrating and its not always easy to get them off your backs, but sometimes just zoning out and nodding every once and a while works, but generally only if someone is giving me tips... Very sorry your fiance and family is putting unwanted pressure on you! Best of Luck!

Can totally relate notsosicklygirl. I yelled at both my parents when I over heard them telling my cousins, aunty and uncles about my UC. I told my parents that this issue is my issue and I should be able decide who knows about it. To this day they still disagree arguing that they have to go through the highs and lows with me, that they were scared as hell when I got my diagnosis etc. and therefore need to talk to others for support.

Consequently I have told my parents less and will continue to tell them less the more I can handle the situation myself.

I agree with Subdued: people will talk about what interests THEM. If the topic is your health, you can just tell them it's boring for you to discuss it-- that's why you have a good doctor treating it. In time they'll move on to something else. In the 1st few yrs after my diagnosis, the husband of my best friend would ask very solemnly: "What does your doctor say about your condition?" I found that rather pompous & annoying, but I didn't raise a fuss. He eventually stopped doing that, and later he developed high cholesterol himself so I think that gave him a better attitude toward personal health problems as conversation pieces. We just have to outlast their curiosity! / Old Hat (30 yrs with left-sided UC; presently in remission taking brandname Colazal)

Of course people have the right to talk about what they want to talk about, that is not the issue at all.

The issue is that they wouldn't be able to talk about her condition if they didn't know about it, and she didn't want them to know about it. People should respect other people's privacy and not blab about other people's personal issues. It's a matter of courtesy and decency as a human being.

My husband told my in laws (his dad and his step mom). I really didn't mind at first, I was kind of upset because they have big mouths(we have had other major issues with our kids). Well, he told them and they went and told EVERYONE they didn't just tell people I have UC and maybe explain what it is nicely(because alot of people don't know what it is). They were telling his cousins(who I only see once a year) and his and her friends(some I only meat once). That I have D issues and I crap in my pants, etc. Really graphic and embarrassing stuff. I even heard my father in law tell people this. I was so furious. This is a embarrassing condition and I really don't mind people knowing I have it but saying stuff like that and on top of it to people I hardly know.  We also went to a baseball game with him and every 5 minutes he was like do you have to go to the bathroom, and every bathroom we passed he said there is the bathroom Teresa, we were with a big group of people and he was shouting it. The funny thing was he acts all caring but he wanted to go to a bar before the game that is outside the ball park and take a shuttle over, my husband told him that they can go but we are not because of my issues and my in laws got pissed off. Yeah you really care.  We told him and my husbands step mom in law(who is just as bad) to stop talking about my condition to people and we got in a big fight with them.  We only care about you, I said why do you find in necessary to tell people I poop in my pants, if you cared about me you wouldn't tell EVERYONE, even people I hardly know that.  Fine they said we won't say anything. You guys are crazy and make a big deal out of it. We are just trying to help. Okay by telling everyone nasty stuff about me.  We still get snide comments to this day about it. Like oh we can't tell Ben and Teresa's business to other people. No you can't.We don't tell them anything now.  I also get from them. Maybe if you eat healthy you won't have it or maybe if you do this you won't have bathroom issues. Or maybe you are just lactose intolerant. yeah right!!! 

My family knows and I'm very close with them and they are supportive and I can talk to them about my issues or about being on strong meds and it scaring me and they make me feel better.  They also don't tell every one embarrassing things about me.  I would say something or I had my husband say something and then they called me because they were pissed and I told them.

How I handle my in laws now is when they ask I say I'm fine, when they ask how my meds are working, I say I'm fine. my response is always I'm fine. It works they get the hint and they only ask about two questions and that is it. But we say that about everything in our life because we have had major problems with them. Everything is an argument with them and everything we tell them gets spread around to everyone. Not just my health stuff.

Not all in laws are like mine. Mine are just crazy with everything.

Sounds like the "cat is out of the bag".  I have teh opposite problem with my family.  I tell them but they blow it off!  People just don't understand or know how to react to someone who has a chronic illness.

Now if it were cancer I woudl get some concern and understanding.  I consider IBD to be a third class illness!  Some of the feedback I have gotten is rediculous such as:

Oh my friend husband had UC. He like his cornchip and rich food and lost his colon becasue of it.

My girdlfrend's husbad was diagnosed with Crohn's. She divirced him becasue he wasn't fun anymore.

We didn't include you in our pray sesson becasue you are "with us". Your father is the one in the hospital.

I've gotten to the point that it's best not to say anything!  People sterotype us and it just leads to disaster when it came to relationships and career paths!

Peace: They used to not take it seriously and they probably still don't. I've gotten a lot of diet advice from them, both weight-loss (I was on pred and gained some weight but they kept telling me how to eat to lose weight) and how to eat so that I don't upset my condition. I have also gotten some suggestions like "get your thyroid checked"...

Agree with others, you need to speak up.

WIMOMOFTHREE said...
...They were telling his cousins(who I only see once a year) and his and her friends(some I only meat once). That I have D issues and I crap in my pants, etc. Really graphic and embarrassing stuff. I even heard my father in law tell people this.

To tell someone that you crapped in your pants like that is abusive. You have the right to leave if you're being abused like that.