Anthony,
Ah ok...now I know what you mean by the remicade. My rheumatologist discussed that class of drugs when I was having joint issues (but ended up just needing prescription NSAID). It does sound very scary with an increased risk of cancer. And I totally understand your fear of having to stop a the ostomy and not get the jpouch. I too was young (15 years old) and had my whole life ahead. I myself have constant fear of my pouch "breaking down" and having to return to the bag. It is all very scary with the unknowns. I never asked, but is it common to not be able to proceed to the takedown?
To further your questions to others, I go a bit more than others with the pouch...prob about 8-10 times a day; however, having saying that, I do always try and go before leaving the house, before meetings, etc etc. And there is no urgency or pain...which is the important part.
I am female and thus cannot talk about male parts. I will say though that the surgeries did affect my fertility, which we belive is due to scar tissue. My husband and I have 2 beautiful kids, but both were through IVF. Again though, it would be different for you as a male. Plus, if I was still so sick, I wouldn't have been able to have kids anyways (i.e. as a female, how can you carry and get nutrition when your GI is messed up?).
Good luck in what you decide. I wish there was an easy answer for you.