HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

UC & Dating

Support Forums
>
Ulcerative Colitis
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 2/26/2012 1:19 AM (GMT 0)
I'm 28.

I really struggle with trying to explain my situation to people, especially trying to date. Does anybody else have this problem?
Posted 2/26/2012 3:00 AM (GMT 0)
Yes, I can relate. I have been in the same relationship since prior to developing UC but it's even difficult for me to explain what I go through to my fiance. People generally don't understand what UC is. I think I would probably keep it to myself in most casual situations but in the case of a serious relationship, it's important that your significant other is supportive and understanding.

I remember one user here said that someone ended a relationship with him because she didn't want to be with someone with UC genetics. I guess she wanted children and didn't want the chance of UC looming in their future.
Posted 2/26/2012 3:53 AM (GMT 0)
i honestly don't even date because i don't wanna put someone else through my illness. it has hurt my family so much and nobody wants to date a sick person. it's so stressful.
Posted 2/26/2012 4:10 AM (GMT 0)
Don't know since my daughter's very young but my brother was dx with UC at 23 and had a near fatal stroke at 24 with years of recovery (he still does not have any feeling in his left side). He's been married for almost two years now (his wife is in medical school). He also goes to work, travels, goes out with friends and does everything else anyone else does. I know it's not easy but I certainly very possible if you really want it.
Posted 2/26/2012 5:30 AM (GMT 0)
Yea - I know what you're talking about not wanting to date. I've lost a lot of friends too because I keep turning down invitations to hang out.
Posted 3/20/2012 6:07 PM (GMT 0)
I've never really had to deal with this before because my previous boyfriends knew me before I got UC, but I now have a new boyfriend and know what you guys are talking about. I haven't told him about my UC yet, but I keep my Asacol out on the counter in the bathroom so he's probably seen it. Luckily, I am in remission but I'm still a little worried about how he will react to me having UC. I don't plan to tell him for a while or until he asks.
Edit: We broke up already so I guess I don't have to worry about telling him. Lol...

Post Edited (Sara14) : 3/21/2012 2:50:15 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 3/20/2012 6:15 PM (GMT 0)
It is not genetics related. I dont beleive that anyways. And until the medical comminuty has a clue themselves that is just unfair. I myself and fortunate to have a very supporting wife. I do agree with notsosicklygirl 100% and is how I would approach it myself.

Steve
Posted 3/20/2012 6:19 PM (GMT 0)
Yes, it is genetics related, actually.
Posted 3/20/2012 6:46 PM (GMT 0)
Does anyone remember the guy (I think Sodbuster) who moved with his kids into a new duplex and met the woman next door? By getting to know each other he found out that she too had UC, and happy story -- they ended up marrying and combining their families. I think you have to just live each day because you don't know what battles others are fighting. Keep yourself open for the positive!

Posted 3/20/2012 6:58 PM (GMT 0)
As far as dating goes, if something got serious, then I would say something. 

Is it genetics related? No one in my family has UC except for me.

Posted 3/20/2012 9:19 PM (GMT 0)
My last long-term gf and I broke up and part of it was because she didn't know how to deal with it (and I didn't either) when I was first diagnosed, among others. However, my fiance is amazing, supportive, understanding, and even went with me to see a surgeon when I was thinking about surgery. I think it depends on the person you date. It is not easy at all, but somehow I think I pulled it off. I just worry about projecting too much of my frustration on her and wearing her down but I think we both support each other through tough times so it is reciprocating situation. If you are like me and go for really caring people, then you will find the right person. Just make sure you always try to understand what it's like (as some mentioned above) for your significant other to be going through it. I guess I lucked out! But before I met her, I was dating a number of girls and I think it's something you just reveal when it becomes necessary. Don't hide it, but don't tell them until its necessary because of something that happened. I think I picked a place for some of my dates so I didn't even have to bring it up because I knew what I could eat there, but now its my fiance giving me heads up about sesame seeds on the bread. Hope this helps. I understand the giving up attitude but I just want to show that things can work out too.
Posted 3/20/2012 9:53 PM (GMT 0)
When I started getting sick, my boyfriend and I broke up due to various things, but one of them was me feeling crappy and not wanting to do anything ever but stay home... I didn't know what was wrong with me and couldn't explain it at the time, nor did I want to tell him that I had to run to the bathroom 20 or more times a day!!!.. but after my diagnosis we still managed to work things out... he loves me UC and all.. he said if he only knew what I was going thru he could have been more supportive... and like Lonie said, you never know what the other person may be battling... this is so very true! Turns out my boyfriend has a type II bipolar disorder that was never properly diagnosed until recently.. so people are out there that are understanding and very willing to be with someone that is not 100% well all the time. But you have to allow them to know the real you, the good-bad-and the UC! :)
I also would let my friends know the scoop as well, then they won't think you are flaky when it comes to plans... people can be understanding, they just have to understand the situation first...
Don't let UC hold you back!
Posted 3/20/2012 10:08 PM (GMT 0)
As for the question of whether it is genetic, I am not sure that is HAS to be genetic but I do believe if your family has it in the genetics, you're probably predisposed. I say this because I do see a lot of people here who have UC and have family members with it. I also see a lot of people with UC in their family that have children with the illness.

As for myself, I don't know anyone in my family who has UC but that doesn't mean there isn't anybody - or perhaps it runs in my family but no one has been in the situation that it has been trigged except for me? I don't think we can know the answer to this one for sure but if I were going to have children, I think marrying somene who UC might be a bad idea - especially since I have UC. Of course, we can't choose who we love and we don't marry for convenience or genetics. When you meet the right person, none of the genetic stuff will matter. Luckily for me, I don't feel the desire to have children so genetics definitely won't play a role in my relationships.

Posted 3/20/2012 10:15 PM (GMT 0)
Yes, genetics plays a role in many of our illnesses. My Mom weighs 92 pounds, and hardly eats a thing plus I think she is a very calm and easy going woman yet she has has high cholesterol and high blood pressure. I work out everyday and watch what I eat and am not overweight yet I just started taking my blood pressure and I'm a bit high too! Thanks Mom....just kidding! I think someone in my family must have had UC at some point, but as others said, I think it was just triggered by something.

Posted 3/21/2012 8:50 PM (GMT 0)
Maybe I am wrong with the genetics thing. No one in my family has it either but I thought it had something to do with genetics.
Posted 3/21/2012 11:59 PM (GMT 0)
No, Sara, you're right about the genetics thing. There are predisposing genetic factors, with the disease triggered by an environmental insult that knocks your tolerance to commensal flora out of whack. We have a lot of genetic mouse models (more than I can list!), humans with Crohn's often have mutations in NOD genes and German shepherds have mutations in one of their toll like receptors that senses bacterial molecules.

As for romance, my fiance and I were together before I got sick, but it hasn't really phased him. He would even cook soup for me during my flares and has accepted that one day, I might poop the bed or whatnot. Some people will care that you're sick but others won't.
Posted 3/22/2012 12:38 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks for the clarification, Malkavian. :)
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply