Wow, you are in dire straits and the stress you are under sure isn't helping any. I can remember my condition worsening when my daughter was going through a divorce and we didn't know whether she would be able to stay in the house or have her and the kids move in with us. I was also worried sick about her health because she lost so much weight I thought she was anorexic..ugh. All that passed but my UP (proctitis) steadily got worse.
The only thing I can suggest, if you want to avoid surgery, is to pull out all the stops. By that, I mean try the rectal meds, vsl#3 (it is working wonders for my friend) and ask your doctor about Imuran or 6MP. The 6MP helped me attain a one year remission, but that is about it. However, some people are doing great on it. I would try that before the big guns....Remicade, Humira, etc.. Watch your diet carefully, stay away from spicy food and try to keep to a low residue diet. Salmon was my go to food, it is easy on the gut. For breakfast I ate rice krispies with soy milk or some other lactose free product. Lunch was usually Activia or tuna.
I wish you the best and will keep you in my prayers.