Supporting someone through his colectomy

My husband is preparing for a colectomy this coming Monday after several months of being very ill. We have rejected the Remicaid option as the side effects sound horrific- and he is now so malnourished that we do not want to take the chance that the Remicaid will not work and he will continue on this very frightening path. The colo-rectal surgeon warned us that Remicaid could create a whole new set of issues if surgery needs to happen fast- He is not responding to steroids and has 20-25 bowel movements a day- I want to support him as best I can. Please share with me what has been most helpful as far as having a partner- Sometimes I feel like I am hovering and other times I feel like I can't do enough to make him comfortable- I miss the person I knew just months ago- I miss dinner together - and a time when we could make plans-
I remind him that how I feel about him is not diminished rather, I have learned just how much I love him throughout this-
I am frightened but want more than anything to remain strong and supportive as I know the surgery will create still other challenges- Your ideas and thoughts would be most appreciated- and I am grateful that you have shared your stories so that others can understand what this experience has meant in your lives. You are so brave. Thank you.

Thank you for your encouragement Marianne- He is having the first part of the surgery- the ileostomy (sp?) learning a new language here, so I am sorry if I botch the spelling- I believe the j pouch is for a later surgery- We have a lot of confidence in this surgeon- but felt a little funny when it seemed the GI doc was not fully on board- he was hoping for a trial run with the Remicade- it just seems like it would belabor the inevitable, given the aggressive nature of his UC.
I really am grateful for your response and will keep your experience in mind as we get closer to Monday-
I will let you know how it goes.
Be well
C

I can give a little advice since I went through this with my son 12 years ago.

There are a few books written by people who have had this done,they may have them at the hospital.

Educate yourself as much as possible on the surgery, recovery and complications.

You now will need to be the patient advocate,if you see that something is not done right, raise holy hell,with doc's, nurses,head nurse however high you have to go,including hospital administration.  Depending on what goes on.

Hopefully everything will go smoothly.

When he is strong enough he need to walk,and walk and walk,to wake the bowels up.

My son was 21 at the time and a mess,before during and for 9 days after the surgery.

After the surgery www.j-pouch.org is a very good place for advice.

Good Luck

Old Mike