That's the thing with this disease that's so frustrating. I think it does take a toll on you the longer you have it, especially if your symptoms are severe. I think I managed okay for many years but between the bad flare I had 2 years ago and this recent one landing me in the hospital, it's made me more accepting of surgery. I was at a point where I was in enough pain and so frustrated with not getting better awhile in my hospital room, that I just wanted my colon out. Now I'm a week and a half out from the hospital and doing a good deal better and slowly reintroducing foods. The pain is much better, there is less frequency, and my symptoms are slowly getting better.
Of course it's probably the 60 mg prednisone and the 100 via IV in the hospital that helped a bit. Or the first remicade infusion since I stopped back in January. I expect the next one may make me even better, even if I did come off of remicade before. Maybe it won't do much. Either way, the funny thing is how it's easy to live in the moment feeling better and put the surgery to the back of my mind.
But I haven't really. I still have my consults and still want to do it. I figure even if remicade works, what happens when it stops? Humira? Then what? I just get frustrated with the on/off symptoms that come and the unpredictability of how foods treat me.
I think if anything the hospital visit reaffirmed that okay - if I am going for surgery, I want to do this when I'm at my healthiest. Not when I'm at my worst. Maybe I'm s bit naive with the surgery, but seeing YouTube videos, reading posts, and looking at stastistics, it just seems like a better overall quality of life and that the adjustments aren't that bad once you're fully healed.
I do feel kind of guilty. I don't have pancolitis. I don't have constant flaring or am keeled over in pain all the time. Even my bms per day when I'm at my best, are pretty low. It's just those moments when things aren't "Pretty good" that take a toll on me. The loss of work, the nausea, the frequency and urgency then.
I am really amazed at the strength people have that are able to cope with more severe symptoms for longer durations/the majority of the time. My friend had the first step of her surgeries, but she was so bad and had pancolitis and couldn't even get to the mail box. It makes me realize how much more severe some people are with what they deal with.
Post Edited (tiesto81) : 6/25/2013 1:54:56 PM (GMT-6)