*OT* My In-Laws are coming to stay

YIKES !!!!

living with the inlaws? thats so stupid....what a crazy mistake.

im glad I reassured you, conquer. youre welcome.

Ohhhh, overseas where?

It sounds like you're in for an adventure! :)

I would NOT be able to live with mine.

It could be wonderful, it could be horrible.
This is very normal in many other countries and becoming more the norm in the US when economics make it necessary.

The power structure needs to decided NOW or you will be bottom dog.
Will your husband defer to his parents?
The Bible says he owes you his allegiance now not his parents (just trying to help you out, I'm not religious).
If you and your husband have a strong bond and you back one another up then it won't be impossible, just hard.
If his parents want to be the final word and your husband goes along then "Trouble" capital T.

Talk about it now with him.
It's not too late to make changes and they can move in with SIL. Which BTW why is that not happening?

I could never do this, we both need a lot of space and quiet.
I had a wonderful MIL ,now passed on, and spending a week on vacation with her was very hard.
I cannot be talked to in the morning, she talked a lot. No blow-ups though because of the short time frame.

oh yeah, they will never move out. I can read that even in your message. They will never move out.

Good luck. Might be nice to have a live-in babysitter but honestly hiring a babysitter would be much less cost emotionally.

Ohhhh cr*p!!!
So everyone thinks what my subconscious is trying to tell me; but i keep saying to myself be positive! But deep inside i just know this ain't right :-/

Shucks, you know what makes this worse, is that right now im still looking for work (so home the whole time) AND my own parents (ie people who will side with me) live an hour away.

Holy good God...

So no 'happy' stories here?

You mean who said it's ok for them to come stay with me and my husband? Well the thing is there is no room for them at my SIL's house and so the choice is naturally left to us taking them.

"My FIL and MIL are coming from overseas to stay with us, on a permenant or semipermanent basis."


*shudders uncontrollably*

Mine are pretty good. I saw them tonight and the FIL was showing me something in his workshop. I had to fart and I wanted to walk outside but he wouldn't shut up.

Who else could I so comfortably tell that little anecdote to?

so the word "yes" or "no" were never actually spoken - hmmmmm -


are they destitute or w/o resources ? if they have no choice, then you are making an awesome sacrifice for their well being - good for you -

Thanks for all the suggestions, they all got me thinking: if it's inevitable and is going to happen, the least i should do is put a timeline on it. This is an absolute must. There is no reason on this earth why i should deny myself the right to have a house that is mine, and mine alone. It's unfair on everyone to share the same house indefinitely. I mean, like if (God forbid) it was just one of them and he/she was frail and unable to live on his own then thats a different story, but if they are together and still ok physically then this should only be a temporary arrangement. I mean heck even a separate unit by the house is a better option. But two matriarchs in the same place (and i know my MIL is not like what Calm-on-the-outside said) indefinitely is just too much.

After living out of my parents home for 12 years, I had to move In with them when I was becoming too sick last June. My husband works long hours and we have two young children. It was a hard decision to make as I wanted to feel like I could take care of two toddlers a house and have control of my life. I know that it is a bit different as it is my own parents ( I guess hubby is in the same boat as you) but things have worked out well. We all have a good relationship, can get along in close quarters and have adapted to our changes. It was important to me that we set "rules" early on. We raise our kids the way we want, my parents cannot interfere or be the "good guys" if they are being unruly or need discipline. We appreciate the extra help they give us with the girls sometimes I wonder how I will manage on my own when I am back to health again and we move out. We have made the arrangement semi permanent until I have my surgery and have recovered from it.

It is very important that each person feels they can have a place that is their space when sharing. My husband has claimed a space in the basement where he can get away for time away from mil and fil to do his hobbies. I have my room where the door is open but there is an understanding of my privacy, especially once the kids are in bed.

Sure we have days where we are getting on others nerves or wish to not have extra people adding two cents when it is not asked for. Those days we have learned to work together to make things as comfortable as possible whether it be a walk by yourself ( or with the kids) to get away and give everybody some space or a quick reminder of ground rules set.

I am sure it will be an adjustment to your inlaws to have to move into your space. I know that I feel like I have taken over parts of my parents home ie. Basement where our things are stored and two of the bedrooms. It will be a big change to live in someone else's home until they get their own place again. Hopefully you can find a way to make things work out until that happens without changing or straining relationships that you have with your husband, inlaws or children.

Best of luck, it sounds like you have a good plan. open communication is the key here!

Definitely have a very strong plan and absolute alliance with your husband. You also need to set your boundaries asap and don't be a wimp for even one second. I'm not saying be a beotch, but as soon as you show any defensiveness, you're backed into a corner very quickly. That's how bullies work and are successful.

My parents in law showed up at our place one early afternoon (the first year we were married and in our new house)...my husband was finished a tour of nights and just had woken up. We were going to have a nice leisurely brunch and day.
Soooo, we were put into action very quickly and had to entertain them...I was majorly ticked.

My reaction was frenzy....then I said to her "do NOT EVER show up again without us making plans". It never happened again.

Boundaries, a plan that they know and shared responsibilities in the house...but respectfully. If issues happen, have a family meeting. I cannot stress that enough.

Keep us posted...
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