HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

stressing (vent)

Support Forums
>
Ulcerative Colitis
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
1 2
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 7/15/2013 4:24 PM (GMT 0)
"He is very careful to not say anything until my husband is not in the room. He is a sneaky peice of work."

LOL, next time put a small tape recorder in your shirt, to catch him.
Posted 7/15/2013 4:26 PM (GMT 0)
"Give him a kiss and say with absolute conviction "Do NOT EVER...EVER say those words or talk like that about me or to me again". "

What the heck is this. This is not the Italian Mafia here. *Kiss* , you wounded me brother.
Posted 7/15/2013 4:44 PM (GMT 0)
Heck, You never know what to expect. I would say expect the worst and hope for the best. It is funny how sometimes we go into something thinking wow this is goona suck and the it really turns out much better than we anticipated.

Thats all the encouragement I can give you but time has a funny way of changing people and it has been a year hasnt it?

As for me I refuse to let others rent space in my head. I got much bigger fish to fry than someone who just cant get over themselves.


Best of luck!

Post Edited (twiggs) : 7/15/2013 10:47:40 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 7/15/2013 5:02 PM (GMT 0)
"My kids are 12 and 10. The day went ok, I guess. The only issue was that he told everyone at dinner the night before (we were not there for dinner) that I keep my husband from coming to visit him. Not true. My husband doesn't want to go visit him. It is 8 hours (Cincinnati to Iowa) and there is NOTHING for our kids to do there. So, I feel like it is my husbands responsibility to arrange a time to go visit and we will go with him, but it is HIS family. Why would that be my responsibility to make him go?

"

Hmm, why doesn't your husband go to visit him alone. He doesn't need to bring you and the kids. You should suggest he goes alone, if he ever wants to go.
Posted 7/15/2013 5:40 PM (GMT 0)

lemonhead said...
Delta-
Well, my husband thinks I am over-reacting. He just rolls his eyes and shakes his head. When I tell my husband that his father hates me, he just says "No he doesn't". I think it is hard for him because he never hears it.


Then make him hear. If you have iPhone or android phone or even a dumb phone, almost all phones have a voice recorder, just use it and give him the recording. I have done this so many times with some of my family members that they do not open their mouth in front of me any more..
Posted 7/15/2013 5:57 PM (GMT 0)
Good all went "well"..lol. Your husband just doesn't want to deal with it, and while he may be in denial, admitting and accepting is far worse for some people.

Explain "hard on the kids". Maybe FIL remembers his mom/father being hard on him (his perspective of "hard") and projects it on you.

Your fault for his son for not visiting...remember that bullies always blame others.

I'd rather have someone hate me than love me with abuse...so don't make yourself a victim of your FIL OR your husband. Draw the boundary that you won't go next time and it's obvious that your husband won't go alone (my perspective). When he is with his dad, do they have any interaction, or is your husband on the sidelines wishing he wasn't there?

Family crap is so debilitating...it's difficult to be cautious and at the ready...and worse if there's never any resolution.

Been there done that...the only solution for me was my parents dying and me dealing with it through therapy. Sad.

q
Posted 7/15/2013 9:27 PM (GMT 0)
Somedude-
"there must be a reason your FIL doesn't like you"


WOW. and OUCH.
Posted 7/15/2013 9:37 PM (GMT 0)
lol don't take it the wrong way, I mean, he must have a reason. Confront the guy, say what's your problem.

oh and for whatever it's worth, I think you're GREAT! *two thumbs up* ;)
Posted 7/16/2013 1:21 AM (GMT 0)
The main point for now is that you got it over with! Brava!!!!! And you already told us that FIL did not want your hubby to marry-- going way back, so he must have been a possessive-type parent. That being his original attitude, he would probably give flak to ANY WOMAN his son decided to marry. Maybe he wanted your hubby to stick around home 'til middle-age at least. (My dad's father objected to his marrying at age 25-- so much so that my parents got married in secret at a minister's study, with just a couple longtime friends for witnesses.) Essentially, we're all telling you not to beat yourself up over his hostile behavior. All you "did" to him was to marry his son. If he can't accept that after 17 yrs, it's unlikely that he ever will. Maybe that's why your hubby doesn't confront him over it; he may feel that intervention is hopeless, given his dad's one-tract mind. / Old Hat (32 yrs with left-sided UC; presently in remission taking brandname Colazal)
Posted 7/16/2013 1:30 AM (GMT 0)
Family can be hard for sure. My family doesn't like my boyfriend and it was really stressful when we lived where they did. And I actually get sick around my parents which is unfortunate, due to the stress of them disliking my bf and telling me all the time.

I can relate to this topic. But, it sounded like it went ok this time, hopefully your husband will realize he should stand up for you to his father, because that is not appropriate how he is treating you 😕. He's gotta have your back!
Posted 7/16/2013 3:44 AM (GMT 0)
He has to see the light first, so it seems. would you feel better if he at least supported you in the admission? Then maybe you won't need to say anything to his dad.

Rejection hurts, and you're getting it from both sides.

Stay true to yourself...and the next time if you don't want to go...don't.


LOL...that's the sound of Somedude backpedalling.....with two thumbs up.

q
Posted 7/16/2013 3:45 AM (GMT 0)

quincy said...


LOL...that's the sound of Somedude backpedalling.....with two thumbs up.

q

LOL
Posted 7/16/2013 3:52 AM (GMT 0)
Lots of times it's easier for a husband (or wife) to let someone else be the scape goat then to face things head on.

You should always support your spouse. ESP. After repeated issues. Or you have a bigger issue with trust. I'm glad I got that cleared up before we got married because there is enough day to day struggles of marriage to have to worry about.


I really hope your husband addresses this. If you weren't at dinner then whoever heard your husbands father say that was obviously not exaggerating things.

I'm sorry you have this extra stress in your life and am glad it's over for now.
Posted 7/16/2013 11:58 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks everyone. I am glad too. I guess it does go WAY back. When we got engaged his father told me that he "thought I was smarter than that". No congratulations, no hugs, just dissappointment. Oh well, I am not going anywhere, he will have to get used to it.
Posted 7/16/2013 7:51 PM (GMT 0)
You were smarter? yeah, he has issues for sure. Everyone pays for them.

Have a good rest of the summer...
q
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
12