So upset by this awful IBD

I'm so upset tonight, I have never felt more ashamed and humiliated in my whole life. I'm actually crying! I was driving with my fiancé home a 3hour drive. Half way during the journey my tummy starts to hurt and I feel sick, being newly diagnosed I never linked the two together at the time as I normally get it of an evening at home. So I continue driving till I'm about an hour away from home. Then the real pain kicks in and the colour drains from my face, I start to shake and feel so sick and I know I need the toilet for a poo but I'm on the motorway no where to stop right away so I think I can hold this in! Pure agony and fear praying I don't actually poo myself!! I complain to my fiancé that I need to go and how in pain I am and 10mins later we pass a services sign! There was no way I was getting out the car in poo leaked pants and walking into a busy services I'd rather try hold it in... Just 45mins I can do it!!! So 10mins later I knew that I couldn't and in the next few mins it was coming with or without me letting it! I tell my fiancé who is totally horrified and quite awful to me! I try at last min to pull over to find somewhere rural but it's to late! It's happened! I start to cry because I'm driving and my fiancé says nothing! 45mins home with me sobbing sat in my own filth and he says was 'why didn't you just stop at services' they don't understand at all that you would rather do it in the car where u can clean at home in private rather then walk into a busy place with poo soaked pants!! I felt so humiliated and ashamed, I've never been this bad! I've been on and off the toilet for hours now! My fiancé is creeping and apologising after I soon got him told at his terrible behaviour once I was home (which is so unlike him) I just think he thought I poo'd myself for the hell of it!! Still hardly talking to him he made me feel so so humiliated! No one knows what I'm going through so I'm hoping someone here does!!

Just like garylouisville said.. most of us have gone through something like that. For me it happened at work years ago during a presentation I was giving. It has also happened being stuck in rush hour traffic driving home. Don't let it bring you down.

Hope your symptoms get better soon.

i was thinking like your fiancé... why the heck didn't you go in the service center?!?!?!? if there is a bathroom and you gotta go, use it!! your accident probably could've been avoided...

I've had my parents stop driving and i'll run in a restaurant or wherever to use the bathroom. better than going in the car.

Um, I think she needs support, not criticism.

If you've already started to poo, it's messier to go in somewhere. Then you have to try and clean up after yourself and what do you do? Wear your soiled clothes back out? It's easier to wear your soiled clothes into your own house where you can remedy the ugliness quicker and with less public review.

I think if you're that bad off you should buy something like Prevail. I have some Prevails and I've worn them on plane trips, and business trips when I was worried about loss of control.

Nobody knows you are wearing them.

John

Oh honey, I am so sorry you had to go through this. I remember the night that led to my first trip to a GI. I was out with my then-boyfriend at a restaurant for a romantic dinner. I'd already had to leave a restaurant the previous week because of stomach issues before we got our meal. Anyway, during the course of the meal, I managed to "embarrass" him by having to get up and go to the bathroom four times. I managed to clog *two* of the five toilets in the women's room (oops), and when I was in there the last time, some other women came in the room and immediately began talking loudly about how disgusting it smelled in there. Needless to say, by the time we left the restaurant, I was not in a good mood (on top of feeling horrible).

My boyfriend left when we got to the subway and I'm waiting for my train. Then the urgency hit me so hard and all I knew is I NEED A BATHROOM NOW. Luckily, the subway stop was the one right next to my work so I started running out of the subway station, which is a good/bad thing because running when you have to go that bad encourages your bowels to move. I ran into my office building, took the elevator upstairs and into the bathroom, fingers crossed no one from my floor was still there and could possible come in while I'm in there. I *kind of* made it.

As others have said, we've all had these kinds of moments. For places that I frequent or routes that I regularly drive, I know all potential spots to pull off for a bathroom stop. I've had my husband, who is very understanding of what's going on with my illness, pull over at the drop of a hat when I say the word. I also keep a small trash bag in my car with me at all times, which serves two purposes: I have a lot of nausea issues, and in case of an accident and needing to dispose of clothing. Finally, I keep immodium with me at *all* times and take it whenever I need to, especially when I am having diarrhea and there is travel involved.

Try to be open and honest with your fiance about what's going on, as he's never fully going to understand what it's like to have this disease, and he's going to rely on you to help him understand. It's also really important to listen to your body; when it gives you a warning, it's best to heed to early then try to ignore it.

Totally been there done that. It's not fun! During a horrible flare last year I was living in a dorm. One night I knew I reaally had to go but I didn't want to use the bathroom I shared with my roommate and 2 suite mates (since they were all there), so I ran downstairs to use the bathroom that's in the lobby of the building. Bad idea. I made it half way across the lobby and couldn't hold it anymore. AND there just happened to be a bunch of people in the lobby. I doubt they noticed me but it was still the most mortifying experience ever!
It has either happened to all of us or we have had a lot of close calls. Hopefully it gets better for you!!

I've learned two things from this thread: everyone holds it a lot better than me, and my husband is a saint. Who needs a service station when the side of the road is calling your name? :)

Hang in there and keep wipes and a change of pants in your car!

You have my sympathies and understanding. Many of us have been there. You'll learn from this experience and get to know your body better, so that you can greatly reduce the likelihood of this kinda thing happening in the future.

Carry some hygienic stuff with you like baby wipes for those times when you must use a public restroom, also try to time your meals when you're feeling unwell if it allows you to time your need to go to the bathroom. As you get to know how the disease affects you, you'll start getting a sense of how you can space out your meals, how you can reduce their sizes, etc, in order to give you a better control over your need to run to the bathroom.

I'll largely save the criticism of your fiance, but the way you described his behaviour illustrates a disappointing lack of sympathy and compassion. But then, we're all human, and nobody's perfect.

I've been there, done that. And for the first year after my diagnosis, I had a phobia of going in public places! And there were several car disasters! The pain of trying (and failing) to hold it in is excruciating - accompanied by the shaking, sweating etc! It's so hard for people who don't have this disease to understand but I would still make your fiancé grovel! You have a chronic, debilitating disease which you did not choose to have! And if it was him with IBD, how would he feel! It's at these times that we need support from our loved ones! I always feel like Im the only going through all of these awful experiences until I read the posts here! Feel better!

They all say hindsight is 20/20. I have had accidents as well, many of us. But that's not meant diminish what you just went thru - sounds awful and I cringed for you poppychops. Truly, I felt for you and what you just experienced. In my case, I can tell when I'm about to have an accident - soonish - from just gut rumblings or heaving/rolling. Things just do not feel right and it's best if I visit a bathroom. Sometimes it's a false alarm, other times all he** erupts and I'm glad I stopped in a bathroom. I now wear Stayfree Ultra Thin Maxi Pads, the extra long or overnight ones, when traveling. Not the same as a pair of depends (I've never had to wear them) but these pads are intended for female purposes, for heavy periods. The back section of the pad has wings and fans out wide, under the area I want protected from minor accidents.

Anyway, in time maybe you'll begin to recognize the signs your body is giving you. Forget what anyone else tells you to do or not to.

And finally I am a mother and the mom in me came out when I read this topic. If I were your mother I would gently be asking you to take a good and hard look at fiance. Is this the person you see yourself with for the rest of your life? You can tell a lot about someone at times of stress.

Perfect advice marsky!!!

I know what your all saying about my fiancé but he really is so loving and caring I'm so shocked at his actions. We have been together 6years and in all that time yesterday was the first time he has ever done anything like that... And its defo the last, he soon learnt the error of his ways LOL. He came home from work with a bunch of flowers tonight, but I'm still upset with him... I just can't help it after his actions. Possibly the worst feeling of my life. Your all wonderful thank you for your replies. Xxxxx