Getting Really Depressed

I am not in control of my life much these days, and I'm feeling very sad. A lot of this sadness comes at me when I'm feeling bad physically... from the mystery pains that $10,000 in medical bills and 8 doctors later I still don't have an answer about.

I built a beautiful home near a lake (not on the lake) a little ways out of the big city I live near. I built it VERY nice, but it only has one bedroom on the main floor and one in the walkout basement. It would've cost me 215,000 at a minimum to build this home if I'd hired it done. I am selling because I'm getting married and want to move in with her. I've started to list it myself at 195k, but I've had a realtor friend tell me it may need to be more like 185k-190k. I am losing faith in this whole process if building a home of great quality doesn't matter to buyers. If I hire a realtor I will actually lose money even with being the general contractor and doing some work myself. It's horribly depressing to me.

I listed my home on a zillow and craigslist briefly, but pulled them down. I tried my best to save money on this build, but a couple contractors screwed stuff up that I'm spending thousands to fix now. We had to fix a couple pieces of siding out front, and when I tried to paint them up I couldn't match it right and now the front of the house looks horrible.

Besides the house stuff, my work has been really hard on me. My industry is completely market saturated now and nobody is making decent money. But if I stop that I will lose the sense of freedom that I need, and have to take a job somewhere... which I don't have a degree for (no college degree because had UC then and couldn't handle it).

All this stress is killing any sense of fun I'm supposed to have with my fiance. We're going to try to get married soon, but I honestly don't even want to think about it until some of this crap gets settled.

I really feel like crying or something, which I know... is terrible. It just feels like the harder I work the more I get behind from people that are in a position of comfort.

Sounds like my life except I've never been able to get the money together to own anything.. life's tough. I think things will improve for you. Not everything you do is going to be a money-maker, sometimes you have to suck it up and downsize, sell and rent for a while if necessary or hang on to the house you've got and wait until the market allows for you to sell at a higher price. it's normal stuff. everyone i know has been through this. My parents were forced to sell in a weak market and they got peanuts for a house they could have sold years ago for double. it's the nature of the beast. I am also in a saturated field. I would imagine all fields will be this way over time, the population of graduates is increasing each year and everyone needs to work to survive. The best way to get around this is to get into a different field. I, unfortunately, am not good at anything else & i can't afford to go back to school to get a career that requires some kind of licensing that would enable me to do something that is above and beyond what everyone could do. I can't afford to start a business and i am not that risky of a person. I just don't have what it takes to get ahead in this world. It's lucky i don't want kids, they would probably be doomed considering the genetics, UC + incapable. :)

As far as the wedding goes, no... not a big one at all. Simple gathering of our parents and her brother, my sister, and their spouses. So like ten people. We may even just marry at the courthouse and then go out to dinner. This isn't stressful on me, I just can't focus on that right now because of these things in my way.

Is it possible to rent the house for now and just move into an apartment until things clear up? Maybe it will be easier to do all this two years down the road.

Thanks guys. I basically had an emotional breakdown there.

I have only had the home listed for about five days, so please feel free to give me heck on that. But, nobody has called at all. I did have one lady who's parents live three houses down stop by and look it over. I told her my price and she said she'd been looking and thought that price wasn't bad considering the junk the other people are listing... her words, not mine. It was out of her price range however, and she thought her husband would hate being so close to his in-laws, lol.

My property manager who sells real estate is having her broker come out and give me his opinion this coming week.

Am I emotionally tied to the house? Well... Idno. It's more that I specifically went over every line item on this home and found ways to bring quality at a low price. Then it still looks like that wasn't enough. That's been the tough part.

I don't want to rent the home out really. I just want to be done with it and go live with my future wife, and pass out and relax for a good while.

If someone handed you 2 million dollars right now would all your depression go away? It's a good question to ponder.

One thing I've learned in my older years is that money doesn't make us truly happy. Sure it buys us more things, makes us more comfortable, but it rarely brings complete peace of mind, and usually gives us something else to worry about.

Another funny thing about money is we hardly ever SEE it. It's just a thought in our brain. We'd be so much "happier" knowing we had $3000 more dollars in the bank, yet it's only a thought!

I think your deeper worry may be having to return to work, or not finishing your degree. I didn't finish my degree till I was in my 40's!! I'm sure UC had something to do with that. Also having a degree or even a higher degree doesn't always mean more money! (look at me :) )

Post Edited (JohnPhx) : 10/13/2013 4:26:54 PM (GMT-6)

If i had 2 million, I'd be a heck of a lot less depressed because I wouldn't be spending so much time working.. I do like my job so it doesn't really depress me but it would be nice to own a home and not worry so much about having a decent future/retirement, having the ability to take it easy, not work so much and travel a little, spend time with my family and take my friends out once in a while. I can pretty definitively say I would be much happier overall if I had 2 million in the bank to use on a place to live in and have enough money so i can retire when the times comes. Right now, I know I won't ever have that much money and while it's not the end of the world, it will mean i have to work until I am old or dead and that makes me much more depressed than anything else in my life. So yes, money can limit stress and that can bring some happiness.

can't believe I'm on a thread where gary and soystud are getting along.

john, you are making some good points and making me laugh!

thoreau, are you sure you want to sell? I'm sensing emotional attachment here. I agree with gary and soystud...keep it and rent it. what about renting to your neighbor? she can move when hubby gets tired of in-laws then you can decide if you really want to sell. what are the chances of your fiance's job changing? 45 minute commute one-way sounds like nothing to me plus i just heard on the radio that 10 hours of sleep is too much and now associated with heart disease (lol, seriously). can you pick her up in winter so she doesn't drive herself? also, i agree with john, i think you should chisel away at your degree when you get a chance. what part of the country are you in? sounds like you work in construction or contracting? maybe you should move to a warmer part of the country and make more money in the business??

JohnPhx said...
If someone handed you 2 million dollars right now would all your depression go away? It's a good question to ponder.

One thing I've learned in my older years is that money doesn't make us truly happy. Sure it buys us more things, makes us more comfortable, but it rarely brings complete peace of mind, and usually gives us something else to worry about.

Another funny thing about money is we hardly ever SEE it. It's just a thought in our brain. We'd be so much "happier" knowing we had $3000 more dollars in the bank, yet it's only a thought!

I think your deeper worry may be having to return to work, or not finishing your degree. I didn't finish my degree till I was in my 40's!! I'm sure UC had something to do with that. Also having a degree or even a higher degree doesn't always mean more money! (look at me :) )

Yes, my depression would be relieved. The money isn't what exactly makes the depression go away, but it facilitates a lifestyle that does...

I can only be so many places and do so many things at once. I've been chasing my tail and failing lately. I really only need about $120,000 more to reach this point of contentment... where I'm living a life that I can regard as stable. Being an entrepreneur is great, but man the rough times can get to a person when combined with a changing/stressful personal life. What would be good about more stability is I could be myself, and that makes me happy. So... I will work for ways to do that without your 2 mil!

Haha, who knows what work and/or an education will bring. I've just been aiming for enough money from rentals to cover my basic bills... and then I've felt with that freedom I could entertain enough possibilities that the term "right livelihood" wood be a real possibility. I am actually within a year of that point here, in my home now. It's just been that I've adjusted my goals to incorporate my fiance. Perhaps not a great idea.

Thanks for your post!

Agreed, NSSG. I love her, so I'll just see how things go here. We're so compatible in so many ways that I'd find it hard to believe this ended up being detrimental to us. Hopefully it's one of those things that works itself with enough time and patience.

Thoreau said...
Unfortunately it seems like my fiance (whom I love deeply, don't get me wrong) has some growing up to do. She was always pretty well taken care of by her parents, and now she's telling me that she'll be completely unhappy out here. This is after times when she's told me maybe I shouldn't sell, and that we could change our plans if things are too hard on me. It seems like that was a bluff, and she wants her way or no way. That, or she was just really emotional tonight. We'll see.

Thoreau, this is a good test for your fiance then. Lol, as if your marriage is anything like mine, then things don't always go according to a well orchestrated plan; often it is the exact opposite. My wife has had growing up issues as well, she's 6 years younger than me and sometimes that shows lol. Just give her time and patience and she'll get better. Life lessons like this often nudge things along. Just don't baby her over it (change your mind on her account, always give in, etc.), life happens, things change, and you both move on with your new reality.

I think it is smart to hang on to the house for a while, as the market appears to be going up. Sell it in another 6 months or year or so and you'll likely get what you want for it. Have a market analysis done every once in a while to see how your place compares to other sold properties in the area. I agree with imagardener2 that a house is only worth what others are willing to pay for it (doesn't matter how much money or time and effort you actually poured into it) so it all matters whether the current real estate market is good enough to get you a good return on your investment.

And as other have said, a commute that short isn't a big deal. In fact, a lot of people would kill for that short of a commute.

My husbands commute can be 3 hours sometimes just one way so I don't feel too bad for your girlfriend.

LOL...we were going to stay in the house we're in for only 5 years. Of course, life plans change.
We're still here, officially as of Nov 1, for 34 years. No regrets.

Try not to make all your plans and hold them in one basket. As I mentioned before, your (and your fiancé's) needs and wants should be prioritised.

There's also a process to get to your dreams/goals, and it's almost guaranteed that many things will change during that process.
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