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Posted 11/20/2013 2:30 AM (GMT 0)
My biggest fear and struggle is with finances. I cannot let go of them and just hope for the best. I worry, I strive, I save, I invest. I feel like doing this is necessary in order to take care of myself. I feel like the world is tough, and with a hindered body I need backups.

But, thinking about finances, investing, working so hard... it all takes away from the present moment. Between working and resting my body I am spent. I am probably less than half the person I want to be because I'm not following my dreams necessarily, but still building a foundation for the time when that can happen.

I am 99% certain I worry about these things more than all other people, even if other people have these worries. How do you all let go of these things in order to enjoy your lives? I can let go for a bit, but not a long time when things are rough and I'm struggling.
Posted 11/20/2013 2:41 AM (GMT 0)
Maybe you need to see a shrink to help you though these feelings. I think becoming engaged and getting married adds to these woes as you are no longer just thinking about yourself. In a way it is kind of normal when you are just married or contemplating marriage but in your case I think it is a bit more than normal. Seriously, you ought to have a few sessions and see if they can help you through this.
Posted 11/20/2013 2:57 AM (GMT 0)
I have a good counselor guy I see from time to time. The negative (which I have to laugh about in regards to this topic), is that I spend $115/session with him. But, he helped me figure out that my last girlfriend had borderline personality disorder within one session, and helped me understand how unhealthy that situation was for me.

I definitely am having more worries than a normal person I think. I get my act together for a while and then relapse... again and again.

The only reason I haven't called is that I felt like I should be practicing a better lifestyle first, to say that I am really trying.

Thanks Gary.
Posted 11/20/2013 3:39 AM (GMT 0)
Well, I'm going through my second divorce. It has been a slow process, but DH finally realized he wants a lawyer today. After he broke a plate. :(

I'll be starting over again with nothing. I've been trying to put money into my own account for almost a year now, but I'm not sure how I'll keep my son fed through these last few months of high school.

I won't ever have the back up of his income or insurance again.
Posted 11/20/2013 3:54 AM (GMT 0)
I'll tell you what bud, money is a bear...but only because you let it be.


I didn't grow up with crap. Don't get me wrong I had a good child hood and it's not like we were completely poor, we just didn't have frivolous things. My dad was always very tight with money so we could eat and what not. I remember one summer we were on our annual vacation to wildwood NJ and my brother and I would save our allowance for most of the year to be able to buy stuff and play in the arcade. We only had our own spending money. But we wanted to go on a ride called the "sky coaster" (I'm sure some of you have heard of it) but it was expensive so we passed. Next thing I knew my dad goes and pays for us to go on together. I asked him why since it was expensive and completely out of character and he said "you can't take it with you". As simple as that seems it's resonated with me the rest of my life. I've done multiple tours overseas when I was in the Marines and can honestly tell you I've seen what poverty is and I've seen lives that I don't think id be able to live. But in those same places I've still seen love and humanity, none of which involved money or possessions. It's just reiterates that money isn't everything and it doesn't define your life. I have a genuine appreciation for everything I have and I'm fortunate enough to not live paycheck to paycheck as my family did growing (not that it's always been this way) but even if I still did I wouldn't be any less of the person I am and my family would not be any less happy or loved.

Sorry I got on my soap box there but like I said the stresses of finances is something I've lived and breathed my whole life so it's one of those things I'm passionate about, as I'm sure most are. I can't say things will not be stressful and that money doesn't make things easier but I can say that health is a priority over wealth by a long shot. So don't stress yourself out about it. You can do what you can do and as long as you're moving forward you'll be okay.
Posted 11/20/2013 5:56 AM (GMT 0)
I am the same way, a worrier. I do think we need to get psychiatric help, I know i do anyway but who has time? Hopefully some day I can make the time to go because I am sick of getting consumed in worrying ever minute of the day. Life is just too short to spend this much time worried and anxious. You are well planned as far as I can tell, in much better shape than I am and much better shape than the majority of people I know. You should stop being so tough on yourself and try to focus on healing and pursuing your passion instead of worrying. I realize this is much easier said than done. I am here for you if you need someone to vent to about the stress. I relate.
Posted 11/20/2013 10:42 AM (GMT 0)
I am a worrier too but more so after UC and my IBS. I think I am learning to just let go though, to accept whatever happens, even death. But then, I am single and don't have to worry about anyone else but myself.
Posted 11/20/2013 1:42 PM (GMT 0)
Let me offer a quote from Douglas Adams and the book the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy:
“This planet has - or rather had - a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movement of small green pieces of paper, which was odd because on the whole it wasn't the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy.”
Posted 11/20/2013 1:50 PM (GMT 0)
I think it's very sad that you let your health control your life.

Sue
Posted 11/20/2013 1:55 PM (GMT 0)
well, I do agree with what suebear says, but... have you ever tried any yoga or meditation classes? Mindfulness is such an under-rated technique to control stressors. Look- there is NOTHING you can do, things will happen the way they happen, & to worry about "something" happening is just ludicrous. With all that's going on in your life, it really sounds like you need to explore some other methods of "dealing" (or not dealing for that matter). Worry, fear, guilt.... they do nothing! Don't try to focus on anything (healing yourself, girlfriend problems, lifestyle issues), just let it be. Ride the wave!
Posted 11/20/2013 2:02 PM (GMT 0)

suebear said...
I think it's very sad that you let your health control your life.

Sue

Yeah.

This year has been tough, because quite literally I have competitors willing to lose money to take my customers. I love what I do when it is going well because I have freedom, adventure and get to be around lots of good people. The work I do is commodity based, so there is less availability of distinction between companies. So... I endure hard times like this wondering what the future will look like. It is extremely hard to fathom what struggles we have. If I told you the things that happen you wouldn't believe it and say no business could run like that. But we manage. It is just a struggle and hence I try to hedge against it. In the long run I need something more stable. It is my goal to be able to eliminate either this struggle or the worry of it within 3 years, and I have the capabilities to do so.

So, I don't know how much is reality based and how much is unnecessary in regards to the fear.

It IS sad to be consumed with the health issues, but they are not easily solved. I just slept 9.5 hours, with meditation before and after. Still, I awoke with body pains of about 6 out of 10. Nobody knows why I have these. I've seen 7 doctors and done $10,000+ of labwork this year without answers. It may be my tonsils being infected, which I get out in December... or it may be Remicade. If Remi, I then need to be okay trying a couple other drugs and then having surgery. Or... I just accept what is for now, and take my pain pills religiously.

Thank you all for your replies.
Posted 11/20/2013 2:29 PM (GMT 0)
You have been talking surgery for a while. Maybe it's time now. I put it off for two years and suffered needlessly. Do it and get it out of the way so you can live the rest of your life. When I read posts like yours it reminds me so much of myself when I was struggling with the illness.

In regards to your finances, do you have a financial advisor? That's what my husband does for a living and it really helps people to talk to one and get a plan laid out.
Posted 11/20/2013 2:36 PM (GMT 0)
If you can't enjoy your life during the exciting process of building a foundation on which to pursue your dreams, you will not suddenly find satisfaction waiting for you once you have reached a predetermined level. Happiness is a state of mind, it does not come from outside sources. It can be enhanced of course, but only if you recognize it in you to begin with.

You can only find fleeting joy from accomplishments and money. On the day you achieve, it's all: “Yeah!! Life is fantastic and I feel great!” But two weeks later, real life reasserts itself and you find yourself out of sorts again, looking for the next big fix that only comes from a big pay off.

And every time you tell yourself you will be happy or satisfied ONLY when some future goal is accomplished, you will always find your present life lacking.

Good luck. I hope you find some peace with this!!!
Posted 11/20/2013 2:44 PM (GMT 0)
Newsflash: 99% of people worry about money. I'm in the 1% now but I worried for the first 20 years of self-employment and the worry was very justified for about 10 of those years.

in your case money worrying may be a substitute for other fears: UC, loss of older relatives or friends,
worry about your fiance, etc. Try volunteering at something that appeals to you. Studies have shown that volunteers live longer, healthier (mental and physical) and happier lives. 100 hours a year is the magic number for maximum results.

Try not dwelling on yourself too much, there's a whole world out there waiting for you.
Posted 11/20/2013 6:59 PM (GMT 0)
It seems to me that you're trying to make things work out in a perfect scenario before you're able to move forward.

Everyone worries about money, and there's no ONE solution or guarantee that everything is going to work out perfectly.

You need to trust yourself that you have the abilities to make good decisions (which I fully believe that you do) and plan for your future.

I'm not a volunteer nor do I believe that it'll give you the perspective of changing your fears.....but it could help put things in somewhat of an order to help you realise that within a lifetime things can vary in extreme degrees no matter how well one is ready/established.

Hang tough, trust in yourself and your fiancé that you will be able to create a life that will be fulfilling for you both.

What works today, may not tomorrow....what you don't understand today, you may tomorrow....

q
Posted 11/21/2013 2:22 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you for the additional replies here. Thank you Quincy for believing in me right now.

I was doing pretty good today due to a much needed 9.5 hours of sleep and meditation before and after it last night/this morning. I am now becoming a bit discouraged again, but am fighting to overcome it. Thank you all for your support. I definitely need it lately.
Posted 11/21/2013 4:14 AM (GMT 0)
well then, enough about the t man ..................
Posted 11/21/2013 12:54 PM (GMT 0)
This leads to stress for me. As a consultant I quickly put away 100k living in our tiny house working mega hours and billing every one of them.

Then we bought a huge house 4x the size, put all the trees and yard and furniture in and watched the savings drop as I converted to employee then lost employee overtime too.

Friday they laid off much of the company as sales completely failed to sell anything for all of 2013 so they left sales team intact and sacked high tech people who had done their job improving the product.

I am getting some upside to remain through the transition but need to get out it has become very crazy and unhealthy. Many flares since the conversion. Dealing with unstable people who are not connected to reality completely bugs me out.

So now I am talking to talent agencies again about hourly consulting, go on do the real work let the employees do the 'worry' and play their games.

With the right contract I can make the savings keep going up again and I swear it eases my mind and I go into remission.
Posted 11/21/2013 2:42 PM (GMT 0)
These are tough times for everyone. I'm sorry aguywithuc about the transition -- we are dealing with the same thing where I work. They have brought in some management tyrants to "manage" out people, and it's getting rough around here.

Good luck everyone, life isn't so pretty...but when I look at other situations around the world, I'm not so sure I have that much too worry about.

From one of my favorite George Harrison songs, Blow Away:

All I got to do is, love you

All I got to be is, be happy

All it's got to take is some warmth to make it

Blow Away, Blow Away, Blow Away

The rest of the song is awesome -- always brings me down a notch.

Posted 11/21/2013 9:21 PM (GMT 0)
The world today is so different. I think most of us worry about money, I know I do. When I start to worry, I think of all the people that don't have jobs, cannot feed their families, don't have insurance, etc. If you can pay your bills, put food on the table, you are already one step ahead of the game.
Posted 11/22/2013 12:36 AM (GMT 0)

soystud said...
well then, enough about the t man ..................

Gettin' sick of me, Soy? I've been falling apart left and right lately and am just trying to steady myself. If I seem too self absorbed I'm sorry about that. I know everyone has hard times, but this is a support group and I was falling apart so hey, it seemed okay to ask for support.

I've tried about a million ways to help heal from UC, and I've shared them on here. I am making an effort to respond to other posters on here if it's something I can add value to.
Posted 11/22/2013 12:44 AM (GMT 0)

aguywithuc said...
This leads to stress for me. As a consultant I quickly put away 100k living in our tiny house working mega hours and billing every one of them.

Then we bought a huge house 4x the size, put all the trees and yard and furniture in and watched the savings drop as I converted to employee then lost employee overtime too.

Friday they laid off much of the company as sales completely failed to sell anything for all of 2013 so they left sales team intact and sacked high tech people who had done their job improving the product.

I am getting some upside to remain through the transition but need to get out it has become very crazy and unhealthy. Many flares since the conversion. Dealing with unstable people who are not connected to reality completely bugs me out.

So now I am talking to talent agencies again about hourly consulting, go on do the real work let the employees do the 'worry' and play their games.

With the right contract I can make the savings keep going up again and I swear it eases my mind and I go into remission.

Best of luck to you, sir. You've seemed like a with-it guy who has had some struggles I personally can't even compare to, so you have my sympathies most definitely.

I am certainly not always stable and positive lately. But, at the times I'm more zen-like I do remember the words of an author I like to read. He is a humble blue-collar guy that lives in small town Nebraska (like I do), and he has written that as many times as he has worried about finances, things have always worked out somehow. I think the best thing to do is to give yourself a fighting chance by keeping needs low, keeping obligations low, and trying to present yourself with opportunities from many diversified areas if possible.

Again, you have my support with things. Keep on getting through things, and ask for support when you need it. I really hope things go smoothly for you.
Posted 11/22/2013 12:56 AM (GMT 0)
"Gettin' sick of me, Soy? I've been falling apart left and right lately and am just trying to steady myself. If I seem too self absorbed I'm sorry about that. I know everyone has hard times, but this is a support group and I was falling apart so hey, it seemed okay to ask for support.

I've tried about a million ways to help heal from UC, and I've shared them on here. I am making an effort to respond to other posters on here if it's something I can add value to."


not in the least t-man :-)

I was referring to a now deleted post by someone who was inadvertently trying to make your life seem like a walk in the cookies compared to theirs -

I thought Nebraska was a town ??

hope you're having a less than shiitay day !
Posted 11/22/2013 1:49 AM (GMT 0)
Lol... Nebraska is a place 99% consumed by open prairie, farm fields, and a few spots of forests along the rivers. I love it here.
Posted 11/22/2013 2:04 AM (GMT 0)
ya, i went to Nebraska once - i needed a cure for insomnia - i found it ;-)

and you dare to call those "forests" ?

you funny guy !

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