just stood there ...

about a week back I had an accident at the store when I was doing some holiday shopping. I felt a big gas bubble had moved down my colon and it just needed some steady release. I figured I would try my luck with farting... Well, that didn't work. I immediately felt stool come out, the mushy kind of stool, and knew it was diarrhea. I told my dad I have to go home and he understood that I just had an accident.

Fast forward to 30 minutes ago and I wake up in a daze. I don't feel like I have to use the washroom but I don't feel like I could have laid down comfortably. Then I start feeling like I do have to go, not urgently, just because I feel like what happened at the store could happen again. I don't have my glasses on and I need them because my vision is terrible. I bent over to reach for my glasses and the poo started... This time, I didn't have the fighting mood I did at the store. I just stood there in the dark letting myself get dirty. I don't know why I didn't react. I feel defeated. I just got out of the shower and its 3am and I'm just sitting on my bed wrapped in a towel. No tears, too. I can't cry. I'm just so tired of UC that I can't even get emotional anymore.

I'm taking 4800mg Asacol and Cortifoam. Just felt I needed to post this. Thanks for reading.

Oh man, have I been there before. Having accidents in public is definitely up there in the ranks of things you wish you could do without.

I have had this disease coming up on 11 years now. I have had accidents where I couldn't quite make it as I was walking into stores to try to make it to their bathrooms, where I was walking my dog and she started a fight with another dog walker's dog as I was having my accident (terribly not fun), and where I had to pull over and run into a grove of trees on the outside of a town I was driving into.

There are more such stories. I think we all have them, or at least many of us do if we're strong enough to push on with really living our lives even with this disease.

I also know the feeling you are having as you sit up, wrapped in a towel. It is a feeling of complete tiredness with things. You just want to be okay. I have had countless times like that myself. I remember a few times after I moved out on my own where I laid on the floor next to my dog, cried, and just let her support me with her beautiful caring eyes and concern for me.

I don't know how much help this is or is not, but life does get better. You have to let go of the need to be like a normal person, because comparisons will always leave you feeling lacking. It is the same as feelings over money: no matter how much you have there will always be someone with more... and you will feel lacking. So, you really need to know how much you specifically need to be truly happy. The same goes for your health.

I have had more problems with my health than even most UC sufferers. Life has been a persistent challenge in terms of me trying to feel well. BUT, I'm doing well now. Lately I have been depressed due to out of balance life situations... but set that aside and I really am well. I take my health challenges as something that I chip away at every day, and feel a bit better because I never stop trying.

There are a lot of medical options left for you if asacol is as far as you have gone. I hope you find a solution that works right for you, soon!

all I'm gonna say is my dogs and the row of arborvitae behind my garage have been my companions on numerous occasions -

hang in there dont !

Dontscopeme, I've soiled my pjs on a few occasions because I couldn't make it to the toilet in time in the wee hours of the night. And the very annoying thing is my bathroom is no more than 15 feet from my bed, so we're talking a very short sprint here. But I wake up half dazed-and-confused, get myself untangled from the covers, and feet on the floor and then *wham* too late. Clean up, rinse the pjs off, slip some gym pants or another pair of pj bottoms on and go back to bed very pissed off.

If you are having frequent accidents then something isn't right. Your uc may be getting worse and you need to nip it on the bud. Call your GI and schedule a talk with him. Likely, as others have said, you need to change around your medicine. Likely get on some stronger meds because one cannot live with the fear of constant accidents. I did just that, I'm on stronger stuff now, and I haven't had an accident in many months.

I think the entire business of being regular and feeling regular is right up their with eyesight, hearing, breathing, and all the other important human senses.

It's no wonder we get down or frustrating when it's not working right! :)

I don't see it as sad at all poopman - it's life and how we deal with it - better than losing it every time we .... er ... lose it ;-)