quincy said...
Thoreau....I think we've figured out that you need to put out issues to create objective perspective. Obviously, we are willing to participate in your process or you'd have nothing in the threads you present.
As well, it becomes a conversation with your responses....which respect the input by others. For that, it's continual support.
My heart breaks for you in the death of your friend, for I know the loss will be great. I thank you for sharing what he meant to you....and I CAN imagine the stories he told, they'll be with you forever. As the years pass, your heart ache will probably continue....but the smiles will become wider with the joy of having had him in your life, and you'll be the one sharing the stories he told.
My deepest condolences (with a huge hug).
Heather
Q, you bring an immense sense of belonging and understanding to me as I read some of your responses. Thank you, sincerely, for voluntarily giving of yourself like this.
I am of the minority that is pretty comfortable with death. I don't think a person can learn how to live their lives well until they've contemplated the impermanence of everything, and given weight to those aspects of life that truly carry the most meaning to them.
I feel very good that I was there for this man at the last phase of his life. If I had not chosen to build my home behind his, he would have passed away without any close friendships. He had his wife, to be sure. He had two step-sons, one of which is decent enough to care... but too busy to always be there. And, he had one brother still around... who seemed to make him mad more than anything. But... one friend is all you need to feel loved, to feel like you matter, to not feel alone. It makes me want to cry with happiness that I was brought into his life, and that I stayed in it.
I was not at hospice visiting every day or two... but I was there when I could be, and this was plenty good enough for him. I was in the middle of a few life circumstances besides this that most people would become overwhelmed with. I was not hard on myself, I just did my best to see him. At first he would converse, but every week he declined. I stopped last Monday evening with my dad, and we sat with him for an hour and a half. He could not eat, could not speak, could only have sips of a drink through a syringe, and could not hardly move. Still though, he was somewhat present. My dad held his hand most of the time we were there, and I rubbed his shoulder. We talked about
our lives. I told him that I would be there for his wife for anything she needs, and that I will look after her. We said many more things to him, and he was able to respond just barely, with facial movements.
I know I post about
a lot of life issues lately. I am not helpless, but it has meant the world to have caring company advise me this year as I've taken on more stresses than I can or should handle alone.
I hope everyone that has read my different posts lately realizes that I do care A LOT about
other people, on here and in person. When I have time on this site I am trying to make a few meaningful responses to other posters. It hasn't been a year I can give of myself often though, as I've been teetering between depression and stability. But, please do know that I'm not normally so self absorbed. I don't assume I have problems and others don't, but when the going gets tough I do dive in and work through everything I can.
Thanks again, Q.