Today is a tough day

I'm back in bed... just drank the first bottle of mag citrate. I'm beyond nervous- I can't even think straight, truthfully! Don't know what to do with myself. House is pretty clean, food stocked for the family, my bag is mainly packed... I'm relieved that this will soon be over with, for better or worse. Alarm is set for 4:00am, have to take a shower with some anti-MRSA body wash- tonight & tomorrow AM. May try an enema in the AM, just a Fleet... may not! I'm taking this prep pretty lightly- it's not like they need to see anything! And the surgeon knows I do not do well with them. I hope my surgeon isn't at some backyard BBQ today, swilling down one too many Bud Lights! Thanks to all my cyber-pals on here.... it's been a VERY long 12 years after diagnosis. Lots of accidents, lots of pain, tears, laundry! I hope to be able to post within the next couple days. And I am certain they will be positive! I can't think any other way right now- this will be a good thing, a giant step forward, finally. I am anticipating the mental breakdowns, "What did I do???", "I hate my stoma!", etc. They'll pass... I still can't believe I'm actually doing it. My GI is going to come see me on Tuesday, to celebrate. Ha! I'm at the end of my road... colon is closing off, falling apart, mentally I can't handle the accidents, meds are wreaking havoc on my body. Well... thanks again, everyone- I know some of you think I'm making the biggest mistake of my life. And some of you are wishing that you were in my shoes right now, too. Whichever side you fall on, I'll let you know how it all plays out. And hope that my experience ahead will help others! If I can just make it thru today...!!!!! Too bad you can't prep with wine, eh? Now that, I'd be game for!

Good luck, Eva Lou. I hope the day flies by and that everything goes well.

Eva Lou, I don't even know how you are feeling since my first surgery was an emergency surgery but I will be leaning on your experience whenever I get my next surgery appt to remove my colon. Just think, after your surgery you will be healthy! All will go well and you will be home in no time.

Good luck with the prep......just think....that's the last one you will ever have to do!!!

Try and relax today and know that we are all pulling for you tomorrow.

Kelly

Good luck Eva and hugs on this tough day!

I cried the whole day before and morning of my surgery and right into the OR! I was so scared! I think I was more scared for my kids and family than myself. I was more worried about them.

You'll do great. Just think about how much better you are going to feel after it's all done. Best of luck!

Best of luck, Eva.

I don't think you are making the biggest mistake of your life. Given the state of your colon, I suspect you are doing exactly the right thing. To be honest, it's probably better you are having the doubts now rather than afterwards: I kind of just shut my mind off to my surgery beforehand. Yes, I was nervous but I also refused to think about it much. I really didn't go into the whole thing with a good frame of mind at all: I felt kind of coerced into it. Not by my surgeon or anyone else, but by my situation.

So yeah, there's every chance you will accept it better than I did. Me, I still resent it, but there's a ton of other issues which factor into that. Extremely unlikely you will have the same reaction as me; I'm sure you'll do better.

Good luck, Eva. It sounded to me as if you had only two hopes for getting better, and surgery is by far the better choice. You have a lot of living left to do, and now you will be able to enjoy it.

Here's hoping for a quick and easy recovery, and for you having so much fun you forget about us after a while!

Good luck tomorrow! And I totally agree about the wine...some nice white wine...its clear so why not? Oh yeah that stupid sedation!

Best wishes on your surgery and your happy and healthy life soon to come.

good luck! FWIW I almost cancelled the day before and walked into surgery prep room in my gown with an expression like i was headed to the gallows... but I am sooooooo glad i went thru with it . gave me my quality of life back and you will shortly get it all back too. take it week by week afterwards, dont sweat it, it's a big surgery but in a few month you'll be living a full life again.

Hi Eva Lou!!

I just logged on to the forums specifically to find you and tell you I was thinking of you and that you will be in my thoughts and prayers as you go thru the surgery and recovery. (I'm just hanging out today drinking mag citrate as well, LOL, due to being severely constipated (again)). I drank a bunch last night but it didn't start working til about 15 minutes ago! I joked with my friend that instead of spending my Saturday nights doing shots of Tequila at the bar, I'm at home doing shots of mag citrate!

Anyway, I agree with what others have posted....you are doing the right thing. No one has the right to judge your decision. You are the one that has to live in your body and put up with all the illness and failed treatments and planning your life around this crap! I know you are nervous, but you know that is completely normal. It sounds like you are doing a great job of staying positive and are prepared for this!

I can't wait to hear how it goes, and how you will live your new life! And of course, I will have to pick your brain about things when I get closer to my surgery.

You will do great! Just remember to be open with the docs/nurses/medical staff, and don't be afraid to ask questions or ask for whatever you need! I, along with many others, will be here with support and encouragement anytime you need it!

Eva Lou.....you've not made this decision lightly. It's been a long haul, trying pretty much everything. You gave it your all from my perspective.

Regarding the fleet enema....you should do it (strong encouragement!), for removal without possibility of abdominal contamination, etc.

Huge hugs for you....thoughts with you tomorrow (and that you get good drugs to keep you comfortable ;-)

Looking forward to your update when you're able.
Heather xx

I thought you did it already.

Good luck!