Need some advice..

Hello!

I just want to ask a quick question... My partner took some of my probiotics a while ago-one pill a day for two days-just as an 'it can't hurt' thing, and ended up with cramps, bloating and mucus.

Two nights ago I made pesto gnocchi (it was tasty!), made the (pesto with basil, spinach, chives, sesame seeds and oil (I'm making the most of the pred I'm on working so I can eat!!!). My partner got quite bad tummy ache, all through the night (possibly too much roughage?).

He's obviously concerned, and has just text to say he's read that UC is contagious. I've never heard this! Is there any truth in it? I thought it was auto-immune?

As you know, it's hard enough trying to maintain a happy, romantic, attractive relationship with UC at the best of time, but seriously if it's contagious and he's got it from me that could be the end of it for us!!

Many thanks for any advice!

Colitis can indeed be contagious. UC cannot. Is there any chance that you had C-diff? That can be contagious.

We had a big chat yesterday, well-more of an argument really. I told him I'd appreciate it far more if he would just read up on UC. I've told him before it's not contagious, but I did explain to him there were several 'types' of colitis, and that if he is concerned he should go to the doctor.

I don't think he appreciated it, but it's hard enough living with the disease and trying to retain an element of sexual attraction (particularly when you're stomach wants to be so vocal!) etc as it is, and now every time he gets a bad gut I'm going to be thinking 'is he blaming me'. He said he won't go to the doc this time, but if it happens again he will. I wish he just would!!!

There's definitely been a change in the atmosphere between us, he said he wasn't happy with how unsupportive I was being over his bloated tummy, but I know he needs to hear it from a medical professional, not 'just' me, and yes, I got frustrated, angry and upset. It's like someone who suffers 'real' migraines being told by someone with a little headache that they're battling a migraine! I do sympathise, of course, but is it not a little insensitive of him to have asked?! He doesn't know what UC means, he won't read about it because he doesn't want to 'gross himself out'. It riles me that people think all it is is dodgy poo-there's so much more to UC than that!!!

Thanks again for your replies. I am considering getting tested for c-diff, but I don't think I'm suffering from that-the pred seems to be working, this has been a bit of a blow though!!

Um...he need support? Wow. run! Because everone gets something as we age and he is going to be another pain in your *ss!

He sounds like he is stressing you out! Before he leaves, load him up on some laxative brownies!

Just kidding! But then he could really worry!

I will say it took my husband quite awhile to realize the impact that UC has on one's life. He at one point made some stupid comment and I said "you really have no idea what UC is and how this can all progress". However, he has changed and is much more sympathetic to me and how I am feeling.

If he was unwilling to educate himself, I would have been unwilling to stay with him. This is not something that is going to go away and to not be there for me would have been a deal breaker. No one really understands unless they also have UC.

Your boyfriend needs to grow up from how it sounds to me.

I have had some struggles adjusting to my diagnosis with my partner. Having a chronic disorder like this is hard, and not just on the person w/ the condition. I've had to cancel on family trips, ask for help w/ enemas, and of course hog the bathroom.

The most important thing is that I can talk about my condition open and honestly with my boyfriend and he understands without blaming or being resentful. Without that.... I'm not sure we could make it work.

I think I would try having a sit-down conversation with your partner about the facts about UC and the seriousness for you. Yes it is gross, but that's life. If he's not willing to build a little understanding and compassion, I would be worried. Because life is full of difficult stuff like this, and what I would want in a partner is someone who can handle that. Because my man knows that I would be supportive for HIM, too, if he ever needed it. Basically, relationships have to work both ways!

I know that's pretty obvious advice, but I guess what I'm saying is that in your situation I would be willing to give him a little slack for being freaked out by UC, but demand at least a path toward some understanding.

Thanks guys for the advice.

My partner (he's 39, so not a child) doesn't 'do' reading up on things. He suffers with cluster headaches, so a lot of my time when we first met just over 2 years ago was spent reading up on that, getting to know all about it. Since my diagnosis he's not read anything, I think he just thinks it's a condition that happens in the bathroom and nowhere else. I don't want to walk away from the relationship, because, UC aside, we do OK. But this is something that will be with me always, so I do need to fond out if he's prepared to learn about it, and if not, I'll have to make a decision for my own sanity. I already hold back on telling him a lot of the times when it's grumbling, because there is a correlation between me having a bad morning and him having a headache. If I bring it up, or start talking about it, he changes the subject. The more I think about it, the more I realise I'm kind of fighting it on my own.. When we talked last night, he even said if he did have it and had to have a bag, it's what he would do, because he needs to get on with his life, yet when we'd talked before about the what-ifs, and I said what-if I needed a bag, he said he wouldn't be able to handle that-that he couldn't be intimate knowing what was in it.. That's harsh, isn't it!

I'm going to my mum's for the weekend (she lives 150 miles away!) so maybe the space will give me time to think about everything. If he's not prepared to try and understand, perhaps I shouldn't be prepared to stay... I'll happily talk to him about it, try and explain, but the fact he's still asking me if he could catch it is almost all I need to show that he doesn't want to believe me... :-(

I didn't realise how seemingly blind to the condition he was. I've always tried to explain things to him. I talked to him about c-diff yesterday, and said that if I had had that I think I'd have known about it. And yes, I think he'd know about it too!

I'm feeling positive about things at the moment tummy wise, the pred is working, the moonface has relented somewhat, and I only go 2/3 times a day! And then this happened, an upset tummy and a metaphorical slap in the face!

I will talk to him tonight, I've bought yet another book that I plan to sit and go through with him, pointing out what it actually means for me, and for him, and I've asked him to stay away from google!

Thanks to all of you for your advice and support-you're stars

Thank God I was already married when I developed UC and my wife seems to be able to live with it, although we really don't talk about it much. She wants to keep it on a "need to know" basis so she doesn't really want to hear about the details unless it's necessary. I do try to educate her since we have kids that unfortunately might develop symptoms at a later time. I can't imagine being single with this disease and wondering what the future holds and maybe wondering if you had to settle for someone who wasn't ideal, just because of your condition. I have read many stories though of single UC'rs finding and even marrying someone who made their life much better, not only being understanding of the disease but in other aspects as well.

Aimz: I hate giving relationship advice but I see many flags in your posts. I don't hear you saying that you love him or that he loves you. Your relationship is "ok". He really doesn't seem like a long term, caring, understanding partner and seems a bit on the needy side himself. It kind of makes me wonder how much you are taking care of him. He certainly doesn't seem like he's taking care of you. Part of UC symptoms are determined by stress and I can't help but wonder if this guy adds more stress to your relationship than he does other things. You might wind up with a "bag" someday and he has already told you that he doesn't think he could deal with that. If I were in your shoes I really don't know what I would do but from the outside looking in I would say dump him now because you deserve much, much better than wasting life's valuable time on this guy. I have no doubt whatsoever that there is a much better guy out there for you, even considering your chronic illness. Easy for me to say.

Coincidences do happen, has your BF ever thought of that I wonder? Maybe he's just in the midst of developing IBS or something (especially since you mentioned his cluster headaches he's been dealing with for years) check out these links...

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25039367

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3714407/

This boyfriend doesn't seem to have the slightest concern or sympathy for anyone except himself.

Thanks iPoop-that's a good point... :-/ Crikey it's awkward!!!

funny thing is--he may be right. UC may be an infectious disease, that is pathological in nature, when it's truly Crohn's masquerading as UC. It should not be contagious though, only to peeps who are genetically pre-disposed to it. Research is ongoing, check out current anti-MAP treatment and possible vaccine. So, he may not be as ignorant as you think he is.