Upcoming Surgery

Hello everyone its my first post here and I'm just looking for people who have had real life experience of surgery and life after.

A little bit about me i am 24 year old male and was diagnosed with UC 7 years ago after my first initial flare my symptoms have been controlled and i have been able to live a normally then around 3 years ago i became ill again and i have been ill ever since. they have tried me on all the drugs they have available to them and i am currently on vedomizalab infusions. but this treatment is not keeping my symptoms under control and i have been advised that i need to be ready for surgery.

My biggest concerns regarding the surgery are finding somebody after the surgery i have just come out of an 8 year relationship and i know a lot of my feelings are due to this but i feel terrified about it as i am still young and the whole thing has undermined my confidence and stirred up lots of worrying feelings as my support network has disappeared.

I have been looking around the site and i know there is a wealth of knowledge on this site all the people i have spoken to so far don't have the condition so its easy for them to brush aside certain concerns.

thanks everyone

Hi Endgame91,

Welcome. I had j pouch surgery 5 years ago. What type of surgery do you expect to be having? Permanent ostomy or a j pouch?

My experience is quite different from yours as I was 41 at the time of my surgery and married with two kids. What exactly are you worried about after surgery in regards to a relationship? Sorry for the questions.....just trying to understand your fears better.

a new relationship with daily UC pain might actually be harder than a new relationship with a healthy functioning ostomy.

it could turn off some shallow people, but where there is a real connection, the ostomy should not be a large issue. your activities will be nearly unrestricted. I have chatted with people who resumed sex with their spouse with very little problem.

You might talk to some people with ostomies about being single and how it comes up the 1st time, and what it was like the 1st time things got sexual. But a large part is going to be how not bothered you are. If you project a lot of anxiety and rejection into a situation (about ostomy or anything else about yourself) it is going to be awkward.

I hope you can connect with the right people and get the reassurances you need.

good luck

A good thing you may try is to join an ostomy support group. I'm sure the hospital where you'll have your surgery at could help you with that. You can even do that beforehand. When you meet the person you're supposed to be with, they will accept you for who you are and whatever comes along with that. I agree with what DBwithUC said about a relationship with someone with UC and the unpleasantness that comes along with it is tougher on the other person than you being healthy with an ostomy. I know when I was very sick with UC all the time it put a terrible strain on my relationship with my husband. Not that it was anyone's fault....it just was tough.

Good luck with everything.....try the ostomy board here too if you haven't already.