I just need to vent

The last 3 days have been real tough, I have lost blood and mucus, been on the kitchen floor curled up in a ball with the stupid tummy pains, but if that wasn't enough, my feet, knees, hands and wrists are throbbing like mad, I can hardly move my head because whenever I do I get shooting pains all round my neck. 

To make matters worse, I am very snappy, I keep verbally picking at Mandy, she has taken this week off work so she can be home with me, but I just keep finding excuses to argue with her.  Every day when I was in hospital not only was she working 12 hours a day but she was driving the 40 minute round trip to drive to visit me in hospital twice a day!  Not one of my family including my Mum or Dad bothered to come and visit me, their family member who was dangerously close to being permanently paralysed!!!  Mandy's Mum and Dad offered to come over immediately even though they had just been to stay with us prior to me going in hospital, I guess that really says it all, one other thing, I got a get well card of Mandy's Mum and Dad, maybe I'm such a bad son and this is my parents way of letting me know?

I actually broke down in tears yesterday, I am just so down about the pain, I know I'll get through this, but I'm just on a bit of a downer at the minute, I have never been real close to my family, I was a bad kid :-( and I never expected anything from my family, so why am I so down, whenever any one is ill in my family, I get back home as soon as I can, after calling interflora and sending flowers and a card, that's the right thing to do I know it is!  I don't expect anything from my family because you know, my parents split when I was 2, I admit I was a bad kid, but if my son was ever told what I was told by a surgeon, I would walk a million miles to be there for him whatever he had done wrong in life, which I'm proud to say is very little.

I'm sorry to be typing this down, but I just had to get it off my chest.

Love to you all.

Take care.

Dave

 

You know Dave, I don't believe that kids are bad....I believe that kids react badly because of the effects the parents have on their lives. I gave up on my family a long time ago and I don't expect anything from them. Luckily though, I have my hubby's family now because they are the best people that anyone could ask for. I very rarely talk to my dad much and my brothers, hmmm well lets just say I don't want to talk to them. Please know that it was nothing YOU did as a kid to make your parents act the way they are. I know it still hurts that they would react to you this way. You can not change them. As long as you have the love of your wife (which it sounds like you definately have that) and your son - then the rest of the world shouldn't matter.

Hang in there Dave and vent anytime you want. We are here for you, even if we are thousands of miles apart - isn't that the joy on the internet?

I'm sorry you're feel so down, Dave. I can imagine recovering from the surgery is hard enough without having a full on colitis flare :(
And I totally understand why you're so upset about your parents. If I called my parents with that news and they weren't on the next plane to see me, I would probably be heartbroken. I think it's just natural to expect a certain level of support from our families. Unfortunately they don't always meet up to our expectations. I'm sure they're not trying to punish you! Maybe they just didn't think it was that bad? I don't know. Have you tried calling them? As for your wife, I'm sure she understands. She has to know how much pain you are in and how hard it is for you, and the fact that she's spending so much time caring for you shows that too.
I noticed you're on citalopram too, have you thought of maybe asking to increase your dose for now? Just a thought; maybe it would help you get through this time easier?

Anyway, keep posting and venting! You know we don't mind. I hope you start feeling better soon. Here's a flower for you: @->--- :)

what people don't understand, they rationalize however they can. you have done nothing wrong. you cannot change the way other people react. bless you, and we are here whenever you need us.

All seem to understand too well....what awesome words of advice!

Dave, I've been where you are and totally understand the physical and emotional pain of recuperating after such a painful surgery.

Rejection by parents is (I believe) the most horrible realisation and damaging to our self-identity, and it seems to be normal that when we're feeling physical pain...the emotional pain that seems to match it just keeps coming back to remind us. Pain has memory...

Your suffering won't change your parents...they do NOT know what to do since they probably don't have the emotional integrity to deal with even themselves. Your "badness" is convenient for blame..that's your role, and they can't see beyond that.
Having the expectations that they cannot fulfill will only leave you more hurt....and sometimes we subconsciously do that to ourselves to feel more pain. I've done it. Therapy helped..looong therapy. My parents also have since died...so dealing with stuff without the reminder of rejection allowed me to heal.

Actually, I put some of my painful emotional episodes into poems and put them away...helped a lot.

It's good for you to express what you feel...to many of us, we relate. try not to put your parents on the pedestal to be the centre of your life. You may never get what you need from them...and that just taints the awesome parts of you.

You need to heal....and the adult in you has to give the kid in you the acceptance and permission to move on.

Healing thoughts sent your way. You best work on that winning lottery...you'd be shocked as to how many of us show up....I know I would..and I hate to travel!!!

Heather xx

Dave hang in there...........keep believing that better days are coming and I truly hope soon for you and your lovely wife Mandy.

I so understand your pain and frustration having witnessed it with my husband when he was at his worst. There isn't much that can be done to help other than knowing so many of us are out there praying for you and that every one of us does care.

I've actually had the pleasure of meeting Dave and his wife Mandy in person, and I can tell you that they are two lovely people. Dave has been a very good friend to me and I cannot tell you the countless hours he has helped me through some very tough situations, something I will never forget. What Bennie said is true Dave....remember the man you have become; because you've become a wonderful friend to me and many others. Everyone before me has had some incredible words to say and I second them all. Thanks for being there every step of the way....now it's time for me (and us) to be there for you. ((HUGS))

Dave,
Thanks for sharing what's going on. My heart goes out to you for all that you're going through. Can your doctor give you some medicine for the pain? As for your parents, it's too bad that they haven't gotten over things that happened a long time ago. Who didn't do stupid stuff as a kid? You shouldn't have to deal with that right now. Luckily, you have a wonderful wife, son, in-laws, and friends who love and care about you very much, and they are your true family.

Hope you feel better soon!
Cecilia