Hi I'd like to help, I am sorry that your going through this
. It seems that you have insight into what the problems are for you and indeed you do have many things/factors working against you. I'm not all too sure if your asking for advice here on how to move up the process of getting into the hospital a little sooner or what...but, I do know if you go to your local ER and tell them that your having thoughts of self-harm (dont lie to them if your not) and feel like you want to give up on life in general then they should be able to arrange for some inpatient treatment for you at that time. Dont give up hope cause when life seems its darkest it is always hard to see your way out of that fog...but there is help and you can get better. Just hang on and know we are always here for you.