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The Road of Life Twists and Turns Part 9 of 9

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Posted 2/2/2012 9:36 PM (GMT 0)
Bill, how dare you rejoice! It was -15°C (5°F) today here in Helsinki! Take it back!! ;)

Liz, how are you doing?

Ashley
Posted 2/2/2012 10:16 PM (GMT 0)
Ash,,,,Sorry 'bout that, but it has been in the 60's here the last 2 days and now we are supposed to get rain changing into snow tomorrow. I have only had to plow once this year. Very unusual for western Illinois. Maybe our warm weather will make it your way. We have only had 7 inches of snow total.

Liz-
Thanks so much. I am hoping she changes her attitude when the baby arrives. as you said, it's God's will and we might as well accept it and rejoice. Just so happens all of us that were holding onto baby stuff just sold it off at garage sales in the last couple years. I am sure we will find everything we need come summer. My SIL is a huge garage sale finder, along with my mom and sister. We also have some great Goodwill and Salvation Army stores too.
I am thinking of putting my wood working skills to good use and build them a crib. Will be much nicer and built better too.

Take care,
Bill
Posted 2/2/2012 11:24 PM (GMT 0)
Bill, down south General Bogard of Georgia didn't see his shadow. So we're getting a early spring. :)

I think a handmade crib would be a great birthday gift from Grandpa.

My hands are okay, but I'm very fatigued today. Very long day for me at work. I got a new student with mild TS. The kids look at him a little odd, but they're very loving and don't say anything to him. He was showing some of the children his rather large scar on his arm from a car accident years ago. They were amazed but okay with it.
I have a beautiful group! :)
Posted 2/2/2012 11:53 PM (GMT 0)
Joy-

That big squirrel in PA is lucky I don't live closer.....Ground hog anyone?! HEHEHEHE!

Sounds like you have a great bunch of kids. Rest up tonight, tomorrow is FRIDAY!

Take care,
Bill
Posted 2/3/2012 2:05 PM (GMT 0)
Hi all-

Well I have just finished another sleepless night. 3rd one this week. I even got up at 6:30am yesterday and didn't take any naps. Seroquel nor clonazepam worked. Tried watching TV, listened to the radio, of course play on the puter, and played guitar.
Actually this is getting to be the norm again since those darn dreams came back. Guess I figure if I don't sleep I won't dream. Oh how I would love just one night without those horrid dreams.

Guess I'll finish lurking here and pick a few fiddle tunes and see if I get tired. I usually can sleep when it's cold and damp out, but not last night or today.

Take care,
Bill devil
Posted 2/3/2012 3:07 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Bill,

Sorry to hear your not sleeping well.  I am wondering if it may be time for your Dr. to look at increasing your Seroquel dose.

I use Trazodone and I love it and even thow I will wake up in the middle of the night, I can get back to sleep pretty easily as long as I do not let my mind wander into the land of "worries".  I always tell myself that my bed is for sleeping not trying to solve my worries.

As you know  what works for one person doesn't work for another, and what worked for you last year may not work for you this year.

I suspect you have other things weighing on your mind right now and the PTSD is not helping.  Are you working on CBT ?  It is good to go back and rework the program.  Don't forget the free online version:

MoodGYM: http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

Also you can find the therapy worksheet on this site and download/print for your use.

Therapy Work Sheets

 

http://www.get.gg/freedownloads2.htm

Now I have to rub it in a bit - the "big" snow storm is headed your way today "roaring out of the Rockies" so get your gear ready.  Oh yeah,  did I mention we will not be getting any snow.  tongue

Hugs,

Kitt

Posted 2/3/2012 10:23 PM (GMT 0)
Ooh Ashley - and I complained at -4 degrees here this morning :-/ We do have snow expected this weekend though, so the mudmagnets may become snow-magnets instead!

Bill, just wanted to say I'm thinking of your family and hope the DIL's family come to terms with things and realise they'll be the ones missing out if they don't "wise up"! Hope the extra stress isn't impacting on your health too much (or your sleep?!).

MMM
Posted 2/3/2012 10:54 PM (GMT 0)

opnwhl4 said...
Hi all-

Well I have just finished another sleepless night. 3rd one this week. I even got up at 6:30am yesterday and didn't take any naps. Seroquel nor clonazepam worked. Tried watching TV, listened to the radio, of course play on the puter, and played guitar.
Actually this is getting to be the norm again since those darn dreams came back. Guess I figure if I don't sleep I won't dream. Oh how I would love just one night without those horrid dreams.

Guess I'll finish lurking here and pick a few fiddle tunes and see if I get tired. I usually can sleep when it's cold and damp out, but not last night or today.

Take care,
Bill devil

I've gone through a lot of sleep meds myself (for me it is probably Bipolar 2 messing with my circadian rhythm) - Seroquel was the one that finally worked for me. Sorry to hear it's not working for you. As stkitt said, Trazadone is an option - 50-100mg at night might help. You could also try the Z-drugs too (Sonata, Ambien, Lunesta) if you haven't already but if clonazepam didn't work for you (like it didn't for me as well solo) then the Z-drugs may as well be sugar pills again like they were to me.

My current sleep mix is 1mg Clonazepam, 25mg Seroquel and 300mg Gabapentin. Amazingly enough I fall asleep within an hour and a half and stay asleep.
Posted 2/4/2012 3:23 PM (GMT 0)
Kitt-

I have an appointment with the VA next week. I have to meet with a new therapist since my other one has left. I wasn't going with all these darn surgeries and such. To top everything off once I got to sleep yesterday I woke up at 3 pm feeling like crud. Typical flu like symptoms. Freezing, roasting, all joints aching, and a severe headache. Oh and not to mention the dizziness returned and I fell out twice.
Feeling better today though.
I heard we are supposed to het snow, but nothing but rain so far.

MMM- Thank you, I too hope they come around and realize what a wonderful gift this is.

dethl- I take 300mg of seroquel and .75 mg clonazopam. That usually does the trick, but not so much this week. Might be a combination of worrying
about the DIL and the fact Michelle was at her mom's for 3 days and didn't come home til late last night.

Seems when I get drawn to the Gulf war documentaries my nightmares get way worse. Even the seroquell can't stop them. The only thing I found that does stop them was Depakote, but that drug caused me to do something stupid. So I had to stop taking it.

Anyhow, hope everyone has a great weekend.

Take care,
Bill
Posted 2/6/2012 2:12 PM (GMT 0)
Howdy all-

Once again I am going on26 plus hours without being able to sleep again. I go see the VA therapist Thursday. Unfortunately my morning meds tend to wake me up too. Effexor used to make me tired, but now does the opposite.
Everytime I try to go to sleep I start to dream then my body jerks and I am full awake again. Really thought I had worked this out the year after I returned from the Gulf and then again a year ago with therapy once again. guess it is going to be a long process. Michelle wants me to start seeing the civilian psychologist as well as the Va psychologist again.

Sorry for dumping this on you all.

Take care,
Bill
Posted 2/6/2012 3:59 PM (GMT 0)
Hey, Bill,

That's what we're here for!  We all need to gather together to give you a big virtual HUG!  Hmmmmm...how would that look?

blush smurf   tongue   turn   wink   cry eyes redface rolleyes shocked smilewinkgrin Here we are...now to figure out how to get ourselves in a circle around you...Just imagine it, I guess, and it'll happen.  Can you feel it?

Sorry to hear you're struggling so.  Listen to Michelle.  It's what's best for you--especially with the added stress you're experiencing in your family situation.  While it's a blessing, it's also a worry, I'm sure.

We're with you!

Denise

Posted 2/6/2012 6:33 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Bill,

I am so sorry you are running on fumes in the sleep department.  It is time to ask your Dr. for a switch in meds and I strongly agree with your wife - do find yourself a civilian therapist.  I suspect that all you have gone through has  only increased your PTSD sx.  There are many other things that can cause PTSD. In the past years you have been through major medical events, financial problems etc. and these things added to your trauma 2nd degree to the Gulf War may all be adding up together to trigger your troubled mind. 

I suspect you are pretty dang good about putting on a happy face and feeling you need to be strong for everyone around you.  Well guess what my friend,  it is OK to need help,  to not be brave and strong all the time and to love yourself the way you are. I know you are concerned about your son and DIL and the way they are being treated by the "witchy woman".  We are all pretty good at saying we don't care what others say or think about us but it is in our nature to want to be people pleasers and have others like us.

This is where you step back and remember that you must take care of yourself first,  it is OK if others do not like us as long as we like ourselves and you are a good man with a mental health disorder. It is OK. I am right there with you along with many, thousands and thousands of other people.

This is part of who you are, Bill, and as much as we want to be "normal and like other people"  we have been handed a challenge and with help, we will make it through every dang time.  It just takes us a bit longer then some other folks. 

Sending you gentle healing hugs and know you are not alone.

Love,

Kitt

 

Posted 2/6/2012 6:40 PM (GMT 0)
Joining in on the group hug, Bill.....

Listen to that wife, she's got a good head on her shoulders and your best interest at heart.
Posted 2/6/2012 8:08 PM (GMT 0)
Denise, Kitt, and Joy-

Thank you so much. It feels very good to have people who understand.
I did manage to get 3 hours of sleep and then the dang dreams started again. I agree I should start to see the civilian psychologist again. He was helping a lot. Shouldn't have stopped seeing him I suppose.

Take care,
Bill
Posted 2/6/2012 8:21 PM (GMT 0)
Bill,

I know this is hard to do but don't isolate yourself when you are feeling down.  Keep on talking to us and let out those feelings.  We are always here to read. 

Groups hugs are a good thing

(((((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))))

 

Kitt

Posted 2/6/2012 8:53 PM (GMT 0)
And Bill...

Here's another friend who seconds that motion.  I'm glad you're venting and sharing here.  You are cared about, and we are here for you.  Hang in there!

(((((Hugs)))))

Denise wink

Posted 2/7/2012 5:47 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you Kitt and Denise. I think a big issue is I have so many projects I need to get done, but the lack of sleep and the dang rib pain isn't letting me get motivated. So I have more time to reflect and remember things I have tried to bury.They seem to resurface at the worst times.

Those cyber hugs are so warm and loving. Thank you.

Take care,
Bill
Posted 2/7/2012 6:47 PM (GMT 0)
Kitt

thank you for the kind words (previous page)

yes ive ben busy

you are exactly right about the "clean-up"..ive been working every free moment trying to put the place back together...the devastation was substantial..two counties declared state of emergency by the governor... roads leading into the state capitol from where i live were blocked for two days due to scores of big big trees across the road

Bill

im so sorry about the sleep disturbance...i struggle with that too but your challenge is greater than mine

i know im in trouble when the melatonin and the H1 antihistamines ( diphenhydramine hydrochloride.) dont work

ive watched and listened to hypnosis sessions on youtube and they have helped a lot to get me to fall asleep but are not appropriate for the many times i wake up at 3 am and have trouble falling asleep again

i have tinnitus (ears ring bad) and when that flares, its like an angry 3 year old having a temper tantrum screaming in my ear...sleep is out of the question...i have meds for this but like too many things in life, the more i use them the less effective they are so i refrain from prescription sleeping pills unless im in deep trouble

again, im sorry you are hurting so bad and i will keep you in my thought and prayers

hang in there
mock turtle
Posted 2/7/2012 9:30 PM (GMT 0)
For Bill and MT and anyone else who's day (or night) has been hard work........ here's my bit of the group hug: -

turn turn turn blush


Bill have you tried any foreign language audio books - sometimes someone droning away in a nice accent is sleep inducing (has to be a language that sounds nice but one you don't understand, otherwise you start paying attention instead of dozing!!).

MMM x
Posted 2/7/2012 10:48 PM (GMT 0)
MMM-

My biggest problem is that once I do fall asleep the horrid dreams start in. This stems from when I was in Kuwait during the first Gulf War. I jump out of bed because of them and there is no way I am getting back to sleep for quite some time, if at all.
Of course all the tensing up and jerking around doesn't help the ribs either. I'll get through it, but will take some time.

Take care,
Bill devil
Posted 2/8/2012 12:27 AM (GMT 0)
I feel for you, Bill. My brother is a career soldier. He was regular Army for four years and then transferred to the Guard. He was in Iraq for two years and returned last year. He doesn't talk about those days too much. He lost part of his hearing due to riding around for four days straight in a humvee with no muffler. He now runs a battlion station as a Sargent.
Posted 2/8/2012 1:01 AM (GMT 0)
Bill, I hope those dreams take a hike very soon, so you can start getting more rest. 

Thinking of you!

Denise

Posted 2/8/2012 1:07 AM (GMT 0)
Well Bill,  I am sitting here reading your post and a light bulb went off over my head.  What medications are you on for your anxiety/depression ?  Drugs that act on chemicals in the brain, such as antidepressants and narcotics, are often associated with nightmares.


I know I was on one that was nasty and every night I had vivid dreams only to wake up in high anxiety.

Thinking of you.

Shout out to everyone - I have completed over 100 continuing education credits since January 5th.  Yeah I know I am possessed as I only needed 24.  I love to keep learning.

Be safe my friends,

Kitt

Posted 2/8/2012 3:41 AM (GMT 0)
Yay, Kitt!

A little posessed, maybe...but we'll keep ya! yeah You should be proud of that accomplishment.  A friend of mine reminded me that there's only 42 days until the first day of Spring!  (I'm not a Spring fan, as my allergies are terrible and I'm stuck inside, but I'm hoping this year things will improve, as my allergist has increased my shot serum in an attempt to make it more therapeutic.)

Anyway...here's a little taste of Spring for all of you!

Have a great week!

(((((Hugs)))))
Denise turn

Click here: Life of flowers

 

 

Posted 2/8/2012 9:55 AM (GMT 0)
Kitt-
Right now I am on Effexor 1x, clonazapam 2x(if I need it), seroquel 1x at bedtime., and hydrocodone for the ribs. I was wondering if it could be one of my meds myself, but do you think it could start acting up after more than a year?

I am so proud of you with the continued education. I really need to get enrolled again and finish up some things and start a new career base also.
My daughter just filled out her schedule for her senior year. She's taking Calc A and B, AP Chem, Psych, English 101 and 102, Speech, and a couple electives she needs like foods or something. She went crazy with the college prep stuff and forgot about having to do some basic like skills classes. Oh, she did take woods class her freshman year and loved it. Of course they didn't have any other woods classes besides building trades. Since she like wood working so much we can do projects together. After her college and softball are over of course, LOL.

Joy-
It's been 20 years and there are a lot of things I haven't even told Michelle. I understand where he is coming from.

Denise-
Thank you, I have found I get more rest if I can get some sleep during the day. Of course everyone except Michelle thinks all I do is sleep all day and night because they aren't up while I am all night and then they see I am sleeping noon to 5pm.

Take care,
Bill
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