Dear Joe,I just had a response almost completed and it disappeared when I obviously hit the wrong button on my computer. Seriousy, this has happened multiple times daily, and I'd appreciate any input as to what I'm doing wrong. When I put my heart and soul into a response and it disappears, I often don't have the energy left to do it again!
I'll try though.
There are a few things that come to mind after reading your response.
First, I suggest strongly that you seek help for your emotional response to this huge challenge. Chronic illness is extremely difficult to handle, and you've been up and down with this, trying to find answers and solutions to your reflux issues. Anxiety and depression go hand in hand, and are certainly understandable considering what you're going through.
You referred to your children as motivation to keep going, and I suggest you use that motivation to give you the strength to seek out help for the affects of the emotional roller coaster you've been riding. My husband has also suffered with anxiety and depression, and I can tell you first-hand that your emotional state affects your wife and children greatly. I'm sure they feel helpless and stressed in the face of what you're going through.
If you can get your emotional issues into a more positive place it can provide you with more energy and strength as you seek help for your physical problems. You've said that you're at the "end of your rope", and that's not a good place to be...you need more rope to guide you to the answers you are seeking. Get help so you have the energy to seek help.
I still say that I believe that there is help out there for you. I'm sure it will take time and energy to locate the right doctor, but that doc is out there. If you can get your emotions in check, it can help you project a more reasoned explaination of your symptoms and what you're going through. If your emotions are so close to the surface that you can't communicate calmly, it makes it more difficult for docs to sort out what's going on.
Don't give up. There is help. Keep seeking it out. You're likely going to have to travel, but do the research and select the medical center/doctor very carefully.
Keep coming back here for support. We're here for you, Joe.
Denise