She won't listen to me

I forgot to mention that she does the same thing when I try to give her a shower. So.... she only gets one once a week. It's ok in the winter but when summer comes I don't know how that will work out. My whole body hurts from struggling with her and I still work a full time job. I don't know how much more I can do. I threaten to take her to the nursing home all the time but either she doesn't understand what I'm saying to her or she just doesn't care. She shows no fear.

I have a helper who picks my mom up from the daycare center and stays with her until I get home from work which is about 3 hours a day. My mom will not let her shower her. I wish she would so my life would be so much more simpler. My older sister comes around maybe once every 3 months and both of us each get soaking wet when we shower her because she moves around a lot and the water just drips everywhere. I try to baby my mom and ask her if she feels good after she takes one and she always smiles and says yes but unfortunately she forgets and we struggle all over again the next time around.

I give her the full treatment. She gets lotion rubbed all over her when she's done and then she takes a nap afterwards so what's not to like right? I should be so lucky to have someone give me a shower like that.

I actually have 2 older brothers too. I'm the youngest believe it or not and I'm the one that's doing the care taking. One brother has a heart condition and I'm paying his expenses while the other is totally into his own family so I hope he ends up in hell for his lack of support with us.
My sister who is the oldest and does not work because she doesn't need to told me years ago that if I ask her to take my mom off my hands she will send her to a home instead so I'm stuck. I refuse to do this and live with my decision at the end. I KNOW my mom will die very soon if she's sent to one. She's very dependent on me and probably vice versa. I'm alone and do not have a significant other.

So in a way I feel alone. It is always a burden either way to have aging parents. I wish we can all die in our sleep just prior to getting a disease that can't be cured which by the way is every kind out there. Don't get me started on the pharmaceutical companies. You know we will never have a cure for anything because they will go out of business if we the consumers don't keep buying their meds to keep going.

I have a co-worker whose wife also has fibromygia and he's her caretaker and it's taking a toll on him. But men... they can't take this kind of pressure like us women. I told him at least his wife can think and communicate her needs to him which is more than I can say for my mom.

My sister is a big time Christian who rather do missionary work then care for her own mother. I'm sure GOD listens and perform miracles but I'm probably on a very long waiting list. I don't know how much longer I can wait.

Thanks for your pep talk though. It's very comforting and helpful. Take care.

Yes I know. My sister has been trying to get me baptized for years but I believe in my own God and not be forced to follow their ways. She doesn't see what she's doing as selfish because she sees the big picture that she's helping so many children in impoverished countries to become Christians and spread the word of God. She creates a Christmas letter aka Brag letter every Christmas of all the places she's been to for missionary work or just plain pleasure. (Pleasure will be 70% of that ) I'm sure the letters are just more exciting if she does that instead of "I'm still caring for my mom daily...." You can't change people. I've learned that the hard way. Everyone is selfish. I think it's human instincts to protect yourself first. I may seem to be so giving and all that but my mom is all I have so I'm just protecting my interest as well.

My aunt reminded me that my mom took care of me as a child so this is payback. My aunt wasn't around when I was growing up so she doesn't know how I was brought up. Believe me, I've paid her back years ago already. My mom has lived a good life and is well taken care of by me. What will become of me when I get older? No one ever thinks of that right?

Bella,try to get into a routine even when she fights you,just try again in ahile.........

Well... I took her to the toilet an hour ago. She rubbed her stomach to indicate that it was full and she was ready to go. She was about to sit and pulled down her own underwear when all of a sudden she jerked it back up. I then got anxious and pulled them down for her which is when she struggled with me yet again. I kept telling her to sit down first and she kept saying "ok ok" but is standing up. I then got really mad and yelled at her which was a big mistake because I know it means she will hold in her urine which is what she did. She sat there for 30 more minutes and then I put a diaper on her and walked away for a minute. When I got back she was pulling her diaper apart which got me even more frustrated. I then pulled her up from the toilet and put her to bed.

When she doesn't pee before she goes to bed means to me that I will have to take her again in a few hours which means another sleepless night for me. She seemed so normal today after I got back from work. The caretaker said she peed at 4 and was fine. I then took her to pee before dinner at 6:30 but after that it went downhill.

Everyone keeps asking me what's next for me. I don't know honestly. If I send her to a home I will not visit ever because it will kill me to see her there and not have her be with me. I expect to be in a great depression as the disease progresses. There is not a solution to this. No therapy in the world can heal my pain. I do pray everyday for a miracle but.... yeah there's always tomorrow.

Totally! I never did what you are doing, taking care of her at home. My dad did for 3 years and it was torture on him, with her fighting, struggling and constant battles. She was not like that in normal state nor was she like that in Alzheimers stage while at the home. My dad took early retirement to be with her to travel, but that didn't happen, she needed care 24/7.
I'm sorry to have made u cry. I cry when I type about my mom even to this day, and when i talk to other's about her. Really, I kept it all in to myself, thinking no one can help me deal with this and what she is going through. They don't understand unless they have someone go through it.
I'm sorry your mom is doing these things when you are trying to help her. It is extremely tough. And it will get harder, since they will be dependant on you full time for everything. While my mom was in the home, I fed her lunch sometimes or her snack and it broke my heart to feed her like she used to feed me as a child. Wiping her mouth and so on. That's why I couldn't go often to visit her. It tore me apart so badly to be in that position, when really she should be still caring for me. It's not an easy ordeal to go through, I'll tell ya that right now. It's the toughest thing to do, and the worst disease anyone should have to go through. Would never wish it on anybody. The pain and sorrow you feel and you really can't change or reverse it at all which is even harder on you emotionally and physically. I always wished I could cure my mom and bring her home again, I knew that wasn't possible and now i'm suffering terribly, missing her so much more everyday. Time is supposed to heal, but for me, I don't think it ever will. I am the only girl and the baby of the family so it's taking its toll on me for sure. Plus my mom had a difficult pregnancy with me, dying on the delivery table, then being revived to be told it was a girl (me). She was revived and saw me grow and marry, but I never gave her all that I could while she was at home, healthy. Anyway, things will be different for you, thats for sure. Your life will be anything but normal, especially with your kindness of taking care of your mom. I couldn't bear to do what you are doing, i would be more of a wreck than I already am. Keep strong!!

My mom is fully capable of eating by herself but she doesn't finish up which means I end up feeding her half way through. She is easily distracted and plays with her napkin or puts half eaten food on the table instead of her own plate. That's the perfect word to describe my mom, distracted. She's peed on the carpet in her bedroom many times because she gets up from bed with the intention to go to the bathroom but always find something else to do on her way there. The mind may wander but her bladder is still focused so... she pees where ever she happens to be standing at the time because she can't hold it any longer. I've been sleeping with her the last few weeks. It's just easier for me to keep tabs on her instead of coming and going out of my bedroom to check on her. I wake up constantly through out the night because I'm used to this sleeping pattern now. Yes I know it's a control thing with her when she pees or not pee. It's ok to wear the diaper now when its still cold but I'm concerned about heat rashes in the summertime.

It takes her a long time to pee from the time she drinks anything. Case in point, she can drink some water along with her dinner but there is no pee before bed at 8:30. Last night I got her up at 3 and she peed a lot.

The daycare center discourages her from wearing a diaper because they want her to pee in the toilet and be independent of a diaper. Also she is less likely to let them help her pull her pants down when she's wearing one for some reason. So, I only have her wear one before bed. The times she had peed on the carpet was earlier in the year before I started her wearing it.

Alzheimer is the only disease I know of that affects the caretakers more so then the patient. So, my mother is very lucky in that aspect. I will keep her with me as long as I still have a heartbeat. I may even quit my job in the end to stay with her full time if need to and find a way to survive. I was an accident baby. My mom already had 3 children 2 years apart from each other and then she got pregnant with me 4 years later after my brother was born which was a big problem because all the baby stuff was already thrown out. My grandfather told my mom not to abort me and someday she will thank him for that. Yeah, thanks grandpa.

One last concern I have is her lack of cooperation when it comes to taking her medication. She constantly keeps them in her mouth or she chews them up like candy. Again it's control thing. I tell her to swallow and.... she doesn't.

My sister was more concerned of her kidneys. She used to get UTI all the time and it's a catch 22. When she takes anti-biotics she gets really really confused. I try to make sure she's clean down there. Although she only showers 2 times a week I make sure her underwear is changed daily and I wipe for her when she's done in the restroom.

I wish Obama would speed things along on a cure for this disease. Too much time wasted on health care reform. I think the only way to make this personal for him is to have someone in his immediate family to get it. The founder of Google has PD so... he's spending a ton of $ for research for the cure. More rich people need to get this because money talks.

Yes she drinks it daily. She's pre-diabetic from her last blood test result so I have to watch her fruit juice intake. Funny thing is that her family doctor said cranberries does nothing for UTI. MD's only know drugs.

Most of my cousins are MD's so they've told me firsthand that they know very little about alternative medicines. After all only pharmaceutical reps go to visit and push their drugs right? Also in Med school they don't concentrate on that either. They're just ignorant on that subject.

I tried giving my mom Turmeric capsules supplement to help her brain out. It actually worked wonders for about a week but then she stopped peeing. I later realized that it has anti-inflammatory properties so that will cause urinary retention. So I had to stop.