Confused, upset, don't know what to do

Hi, My mother-in-law moved in with us this past July, after the police called us and said they had found her about 45 miles from here. She didn't know where she was going or how she got there, other then to know that she drove her car. We were lucky she didn't get hurt or hurt someone else. We didn't relize that she had gotten that bad before then. Never know what she is going to say about living here. She doesn't think she has been her since July, just a few days. Sometimes she thinks we are just staying at someone's house and that they will be mad when they come home. Then she may say that she is renting this house. Every night we have to aruge about taking her meds, she says that she doesn't take any at night, then we have to show her the bottle, then she will say the doctor never told her how to take them. At night, she allways thinks that her sister is here. One funny thing she does is, most every night she drinks a small glass of wine (she has for many years) for some reason she doesn't want us to see her so she gets up and goes to get it after she thinks we are asleep. Anyways I can deal with all of that stuff. The problem is with her personal care. She had a colosimy in 2000 and she makes a mess at times with it. She gets poop on her cloths, shoes, floor, everywhere. When she does she says it's not from her, or that it is not poop on her, it's just some dirt she must of brushed up to. My wife will ask to let her help to clean her up and to change her bag. 9 out of 10 times that will start a fight between them. They start yelling, calling each other names, and the last few times mom has kicked at my wife. Today it went on for an hour. My wife starts crying and says she can't do it anymore. Then she will go check and she is still standing in the bathroom and hasn't done anything and with no bag on, getting poop all over. And they go at it again. I can't help mom, she WON"T let me because I'm a man, plus half the time she doesn't remember who I am anyways. Then a bit latter my wife I went out and I asked her (mom) about them fighting and she said they don't fight, she is her best freind and she wouldn't fight with her. I aked her why she won't ley my wife help her with her bag, she clams my wife never has asked to help her and she doesn't need any help anyways because she knows how to take care of herself. I just don't know what to do anymore. Fred

Would like an update,how are things going Fred??