My Mother - My Best Friend

donna1952 6/17/10 11:05 AM

My Mother - My Best Friend

Ok, this is the first time I have joined a group to talk about my Mother. This is really hard as you all know. My Mother was diagnosed 2 years ago. She has been changing since she had a knee replacement surgery 5 years ago. When she came to after surgery, she was so confused and really has never been the same since. She did go home, and seemed to come out of it. She lived in Georgia and I live in Missouri, but I talked to her on the phone everyday. As in my title states, she has always been my best friend, we have always talked every day. It became apparent that her personality was changing. Per my request she gave her Dr. permission to discuss with me my Mother's health. So I called her and told her about the changes in my Mother, and she checked her out. The Dr. told me she had cognitive problems and could not reason well, but it was not altz. Although she was diag. 2 years ago with Altz.(My Mother was worried about that because her Mother had it). My Mother got much worse. She said and did things she would never have done or said before. My Mother was a very kind person, she retired from a hospital where she was a nurses aide. She was the type of person that would loan money to people knowing she would never see it again. She never talked bad about anyone. Everyone loved her, she was so kind. She spent her life taking care of people. She was used by a lot of people because of her kindness, but she never felt bad about it, only said they were troubled and needed help. She always told us kids, she never wanted us to take care of her when she got older, and to put her in a nursing home. She is now in a nursing home in Missouri. I visit her every day. She broke her hip 2 years ago(while still at her home) it did not heal, so she is in a wheel chair. She know me, and asks to go home with me at times. I can not lift her in and out of bed or the car, so I am unable to bring her home. I feel so guilty leaving her in the nursing home, and stay awake nights, trying to figure out how I can bring her to my home and take care of her. Then I remind myself, that she always told us to put her in a home. And I am ok for awhile. It seems so unfair that such a wonderful, sweet person can be in this condition now. Sometimes I don't think she really knows who I am. One day she asked me where my Mother was. But most days when I walk in, she smiles real pretty, and says "There's Donna".

imho
you are doing what she asked for
i am very struck by your caring n loving of your momma
both my parents are gone now
mom was a shell of self and im faily certain dad just went with a broken heart...
bless you for being there for your momma
hugs
lyn

just wondering how you are making out
hugs
lyn

Out of love she bade you and your siblings to put her in a home. She didn't want you to have to go through all the pain, hardship, time of all the care she needs. There is a thing called Sara Lift (a machine that moves the patients from bed to wheelchair, etc) that can be used to aid in moving a person who otherwise can not. You are doing what she wants. My best advise, since she is in a nursing facility, go every day like you are, but make sure it is on different shifts every day. Do not do a spefic time, do not call ahead. I spent 4 years working in a nursing facility, and I know what happens when family is not around. The patients that has family coming everyday at any moment of the time of day gets the best care. It is indeed sad, of what the elders go through. It shocked and dismayed me to walk on shift and find out from a patient they were soiled and hadn't been changed for an hour. I put all my patients first, I worked through my breaks and just claimed to take a break, listened to them, talked to them, showed them a kinder heart, just so they know someone actually cared and had some respect. That is why, I told my family when my grandmother needed to go to a home, I told them over my dead body and I was moving in first. She still is now in her very house, with me as a 24/7 caregiver doing it all for her. I am now starting to get help from the rest of the family, for the first time in two months I'm just now starting to get a few hours to myself here and there. Since your mom wants the nursing faciliity, do that for her, so she gets good care. I tell people how it is behind the scenes- of what we hide from people to make them aware so they can avoid it happening.

wondering how you are doing and how your momma is

Welcome to the AZ forum Mimi :) I'm so sorry to hear that your mother is deteriorating. This disease is not easy on everyone involved. Please don't hesitate to stop in more often. I'm also so sorry to hear about your husband as well :(