Caring For Mama With Alzheimer's...

Good Morning Everyone...

When my Father died suddenly I quit my job immediately to move my Mom in with me so I could take care of her myself... She had always been my best friend... To make A long story short... The Alzheimer's patient goes back to their teenage years... So my Mom thought her youngest Son was her husband, our Dad... As hard as it seems you must go along with it & what I mean by that is keep a physical distant to prevent grabbing as they don't realize what they are doing is wrong... Here are some helpful things that I found by just working with my Mom... She died 5 years ago on June 30, 2014...

1) Do not let anyone say anything that will upset them... They won't remember what was said but they know that they were agitated...

2) I play DVD's of Engelbert Humperdinck, Tom Jones & Dean Martin for Mama.... She loved them always & it kept her calm.... I would get her up off the sofa to dance with me... It really worked well so I played them during all of her awakening hours...

3) My Mom was a devout Catholic but with Alzheimer's would cuss like a sailor LOL & let the "F" bomb fly... Just ignore it...

3) My Mom & I had the same Doctor so he knew us both well... He prescribed Ativan (Lorazepam) for her to help keep her calm... And Ambiem to sleep at night... I found that giving it to her at least 1 hour before bed with coffee or something hot to drink because it makes it take affect quicker then feeding her a good meal because you sleep better on a full stomach ... I take all my medicines with coffee & have for about 15 years...

4) Use Depends for them to sleep in... I told my Mom they were some fancy panties for her... LOL.... With a waterproof pad with felt on one side & plastic on the other to prevent urine from going through on the sheets...

5) I NEVER allowed anyone to tell my Mom that my Dad died from committing suicide... I never mentioned my Dad & if she brought his name up I would say I guess he's still at work & she would forget about it immediately... She didn't remember he was retired anyway... My point to not bringing him up was to keep her calm... I wanted to keep my Mom as calm as possible but without medicine...

6) Any surgery they have as my Mom had a lump removed out of her breast & they wake up worse with the Alzheimer's ... It's the sedation & being put to sleep for the surgery that does it... Non reversible...

7) Try to keep them awake during the day... As they sleep better at night...

My Mom died in the hospital in my arms with her 3 favorite people with her... My little brother, my daughter & myself saying the Lord's Prayer... about 12 hours before she died she slipped into a coma state but 3 hours before she died she had "Clarity"... It's beautiful... She said Regina I'm so sorry for what everyone has put you through... Somehow, she knew that my 2 older brothers & one of them son's my nephew had driven my crazy about trying to get money from her by sending her to court which I represented my Mom myself after spend 20K on attorney's... They call 7 times APS which all 7 times proved to be false charges against me....

My Mom's Clarity proved that she in knew what was happening... She thanked us 3 for always being with her & sticking together .... She told us she loved us so much... And that she was ready to go be with God & my Dad & her loved ones that had died years prior... The Clarity I hang on to because my Mom let me know that she knew I had gone through a divorce & that she was proud of me... I wish I could have recorded it but didn't know it existed until I saw it with my Mom...

Contact me on here if I can ever help answer any questions... Or if you need someone with patients just to listen to you talk... You definitely need someone that will listen to you & actually hear what you say...

Sending Prayers to all...I hope you find this helpful... Love Hugs & Kisses... Regina Lynn...
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Hello Bella .........

   Try to curb your bitterness for a family that doesn't give you enough support. The bitterness does no good and solves nothing.

   I lost my mother in January of this year - and no one else ever paid her bills and called her daily for 17-years while seeing her weekly for many years. That is the way many families are - often over-involved with themselves or with unemployement, educational needs or simply finances.

   I have had stage #4 cancer for 3-1/2 years, so my involvment with mom had been much less than yours. Again - most of us have circumstances we have no control over - and that we must deal with.

   Close to two years ago, I found a Home for Assisted Living that was geared specifically for Parkinsons and Dementia. My mother spent her last 16-months there - and it became home to her.

   Yes, it took some time. It always does - but the staff there was very caring. The facilities were very clean. They believed in pet therapy, so they did have in-house dogs and cats between the 4-buildings that were on site.

   They always had a series of programs daily - and entertainment that came in at least once a week. The Elvis Impersonator was moms favorite by far. I was kept well informed. My dog was invited to come over for a visit along with me any time I wanted.

   My mother used to have dogs. And in the last month or so, she thought i was bringing her dog over to see her. While it was costly, it was a wonderful way for her to spend her last years .... and we avoided having to put her into a nursing home approved for medicaid.

  I was her only regular weekly visitor - although my youngest daughter went to see her every few months. And a friend of the family went to see her every few months.

   I wrote the thread "What to Do?" in this forum. There is a ton of detail there.

   Since I was the only child, there was no one to argue with about her money - a good thing. As long as she had money or home equity, she was NOT going to go into a medicaid home. I watched my grandmother go thru that with alzheimers - mom was not going to go thru that - and she didn't!

   Whenever you make a decision ..... do NOT hold yourself to blame for it. It is time to take care of yourself.

Rob & Gizmo

 

Bella ........

   My mother was having problems for many years - and was very independant after my Father passed 19-years ago. It was a fall in her own home on Easter - over 3-years ago - that put her into the hospital.

   During her hospital stay, her Doctor wanted her to be under observation because of her indignance by the hospital workers.

   She was diagnosed with Dementia before she was released - and in order for her to be released in May of 2011 - I needed to get her a 24/7 live-in care-giver.

   Until her diagnosis, she was blaming things on me and some of her neighbors - mostly signs of distrust! After the care-givers started, she started to blame them for theft - including calling the police once on them for a stolen bracelet.

   A few days later, we found the bracelet buried in a cushion of the recliner she always used. One of the care-givers quit after that incident. But, there was a care-giver living with her for the next 15-months.

   She was also back in the hospital twice - both times in the psychiatric ward. When being released the second time, her psychiatrist said she needed to go into a home. The caregivers she had were not experienced enough in nursing to handle her any more. So she was released directly from the hospital to the Assisted Living Home - and was there for 16-months.

   In my locale, there were quite a few Homes for Dementia patients that each had a certain number of beds approved for use by medicaid patients. The trouble was the waiting line was so long, it could take several years for someone waiting - to actually get a medicaid bed.

   In some cases, the patient had to be enrolled as a paying patient first - and then, when an opening came, they could have the medicaid bed - being paid for by the government.

   I did go to one Nursing Home that accepted medicaid and it was very much under-staffed and with no private or even semi-private bathrooms. And they had no programs to keep the minds moving of the patients. It was very depressing .... and people shouldn't be treated like cattle - as they were there.

   All I can suggest is to look at a lot of places. They're likely to be very expensive - which might be where a larger family can help out. And - you might find a medicaid approved Nursing Home that can meet your standards. Just take the time to look and take notes - maybe even photos!

Rob & Gizmo

     

Bella,

Not all nursing homes stories are nightmares.

We had to place my father in a nursing home when all his medical conditions were too much for home and he had a good life there. He was far better off than at home. I have Crohn's and had helped him care for my mother at home for close to ten years and I just couldn't do what he needed. His doctors said he needed 24/7 care.

You can't do it alone. I was extremely close to my parents, having lived next door for almost 30 years, so I understand, but there comes a time when you have to let someone help you help them.

It may take some work, but hopefully you can find a good facility. My mother had to be in one for two weeks before she died after a hip break, and while not terrible by any means, I knew I wouldn't place Daddy there when he needed care. It was at a home in the same town however that we place him and the atmosphere was very different and a much better fit for him. Not everything was perfect, I got annoyed at times, but the staff did listen and work with us and took good care of him.

We found a home that wanted family coming in all the time and encouraged it. That's a good sign to me that they weren't hiding poor treatment. I hope you can get some help soon. You both need it.

In my locale, there were quite a few Homes for Dementia patients that each had a certain number of beds approved for use by medicaid patients. The trouble was the waiting line was so long, it could take several years for someone waiting - to actually get a medicaid bed.
In some cases, the patient had to be enrolled as a paying patient first - and then, when an opening came, they could have the medicaid bed - being paid for by the government.

Bella,

Have you checked into Home Health Care? In my state, Medicaid will pay for 24hr. care for 5 days a week. That might be a better fit for you and your mom.

The homes we checked out had policies against using restraints. That's why they have special units so that they can be watched so as not to hurt themselves but have as much freedom as is medically possible.

When my father was in the Alzheimer's unit, the patients got very close attention. I can't say that it would be that way anywhere else. When we would come into the unit, it was as home-like as possible. This unit, which was a part of a larger nursing home, was set aside where they had far more attendants, and patients were never tied down. They had their own little kitchen, living room where they could watch TV like a family, an outdoor area, etc. Of course there were patients that were too sick to be up and about, but they were watched carefully.

My father was never restrained at the nursing home, but when he was in the hospital several times during this time, would be restrained because when he had a raging infection, he couldn't control himself. It was miserable for him. We made arrangements to have him a sitter 24/7 while he was hospitalized, which was paid for by his Medicare, so that he didn't have to be tied down. So I know how you feel.

No one will be able to replace you in your mother's life no matter how good a job they do. I'm not trying to convince you of that, but you sound like you are burning yourself out and seriously need help.

If it comes to the point of having to place her in a home, you can still be a big part of her care if you're able. You can brush her teeth 3x a day if you don't like how they do it. I know one woman in Daddy's home whose sister came and stayed with her every single day. My mother couldn't lift a finger and we family members waited on her all the time when we could. Same with Daddy. These homes encourage that. And if you both are miserable and want her back at home, you can change your mind and do that.

I know it's tough. My mother was orphaned at age 6 and all her life she was terrified to be alone. I wound up living next door to her and even though I longed to live somewhere else, I never moved away because she couldn't bear the thought of my leaving. And she went everywhere with me. After she became ill with advanced Parkinson's, my father and I, along with my sister, took care of her at home, without Home Health (excepting a few months of in-home physical therapy). Medicare didn't pay for Home Health, though they did offer Hospice. Her last few years, she couldn't bear for my dad to leave her sight, even with one of us there with her.

I'm glad you have more help than I at first thought. I was worried that you were doing it entirely without help, but that's still a lot on you.

They become our babies.