Missing my mom, worried she won't know me

One difference is that they can remember you one day and forget you the next. You can hug her like always and call her grandma one day, and the next day she may think you are her husband from years past.

Then that one horrible day comes when the kids are there to see her and she asks "who are these children" ?

Hard to handle, to say the least.

She was my best friend, and we tried to fix her up for home living, but she simply wouldn't stay in bed at night. She just had to do something for lack of sleep, and her brain activity. Oftentimes some of her common activities were dangerously weird, such as pouring dishwashing liquid into a frying pan and trying to cook something with it.
She wound up in a nursing home as recommended and directed by our family doctor and seemed well-sedated and happy, but losing us more and more each day.
She was 86 when she died, but it was not the illness that got her. It was a urinary tract infection due to poor cleaning of her private area.
We would never have known why, until that fateful day when I was called to the emergency room in her last hours.
The nursing home has changed it's name and our aging family doctor is no longer the director there.
He loved her too, but in a Medicare/Medicaid setting such as the common nursing home, one cannot control who they hire among all the end-of-the-road'ys.

It is the nature of gov't-sponsored "healthcare".

My family never pursued any legal actions.

Post Edited (JackLegofAllTrades) : 7/26/2014 12:01:22 AM (GMT-6)

   I too lost my mother to Dementia. It was on January 14, 2014. I think, the medicaid choices of care are either very limited - or are mostly poor in quality.

   The term "Nursing Home" is sometimes over-used or mis-used. It seems to be a catch-all for aged care .... and that's just not complete at all.

   My mothers last 16-months were in an Assisted Living Home for Dementia and Parkinsons. It was a wonderful place of caring - with daily programs to keep the mind busy, weekly entertainment brought in and very decent food. I ate there three times - always unannounced!

   Yes ..... it is more expensive than most any medicaid facility.

   However, I watched my grandmother (mothers mother) die of alzheimers complications while she spent her last 3-years or so in a medicaid nursing home. Yep - it was cheap. Yep - it was disgusting. But .... I guess my mother chose to put her there and pcket grandma's savings. Nasty - but true!!!!

   When it came time for mother to have help, she first stayed at home with 24/7 care - a required by her doctor - for 15-months. Then, the Dementia got to the point, again according to her doctor, for her to now have daily care by a registered nurse - not a home caregiver any more.

   So ....... for 31-months, a lot of money was spent on her care. Much of that was grandmas money ... and then my mothers house was sold - to help keep her in the Assisted Living Home for up to another 20-months or so.

   If the finances don't allow it, the medicaid choices are not good. In my mothers case, I didn't care if all of her money was used to keep her out of a medicaid facility. I saw what it did to my grandmother 25-years ago.

Wishing you peace and wellness

Rob & Gizmo

   My mother, while home and under the care of a caregiver - was beginning to get very irrational nightmares. After a particularily bad only - where she was screaming that someone was killing her, the caregiver called the hospital and me. The hospital got ahold of the staff psychiatrist and he ordered an ambulance for her - and to be brought into the hospital.

   She was in the psychiatric ward for over three weeks - did get somewhat better - but the staff doctor would not allow her to go back home. His direction was she must go into a home that has at least one RN on staff at all times. The caregivers did not have enough medical experience.

   Her death certificate states ..... Dementia ...... as the cause of death. She was also 96 with a strong heart and never even one major surgery in her life.

   I am not the least bit concerned about getting either Dementia or Alzheimers. You see .... I do have COPD, have had kidney failure three times so far - and do have stage #4 cancer. All three are incurable. I would be gratious to make it to 75!!!!

   Rob & Gizmo

   As it was explained to me by hospice, there comes a time with a Dementia patient where one of two things will likely happen:

1) Eating stops ....... or

2) A part of the throat starts closing up - and often allows food into the lungs - which ultimately chokes off the air to the patient.

And of course, pneumonia is very possible. She was in a comma for 10 to 12-hours before she passed - it seems not knowing what was going on.

R & G

   I could never work for hospice myself - but my limited experience with them was very good ...... great care for both the patient and the loved ones. Great communications too!

   about cancer - I do not have lung cancer. It is metastisized Prostate Cancer. Metastisized simply means the cancer has spread and is now considered stage #4. In my case, it did spread to my liver, adrenal glands, blocked both kidneys, one lymph node, my ribcage - and recently a new tumor in the pelvic area.

   In blocking the kidneys over 3-1/2 years ago, I have had kidney failure (three times hospitalized) and my left kidney is worthless - even with an internal stent ... and my right kidney is OK as long as I keep a nefrostomy tube in place to aid the kidney function.

   I have been writing for and reading the Prostate Cancer Forum for over 13-months - and there has not been one survivor of this. It is a slow killer, but there are no known full remissions that I'm aware of.

   Lung cancer itself, is hardly a comparison to what I have. I am not minimizing lung cancer - my step-father had a portion of his lung removed because of lung cancer. Metastisized cancer cannot be operated on - and there is NO cure for it whether by chemo or hormone therapy or both!

   It's just life! The reality of life - to accept - then deal with!