How do caregivers survive this disgusting / pathetic disease?

Mum has Alzheimer's. Am I annoyed and angry because she says things that are not true and talks behind my back even though I'm the one that is her main carer? Or am I angry that a once strong, independent beautiful woman who had amazing hands, cooking and making beautiful gowns now wets herself and tries to blame the dog? Anger, hatred, confusion, can't find the keys, loses her clothes, leaves food in the fridge for weeks and just walks around the house not know what she is looking for? Saying stupid things that just don't make sense, walking outside 20 times a day just to see if my car is there which means I'm home. Her fear, confusion, anxiety. How can it stop? It can't stop. It will only get worse.
How do we, the carers, survive this disgusting and pathetic disease? To watch our loved one's brain just melt into oblivion. How do we keep sane, how do we not think that we are going mad. The constant calling, the anger, the guilt then the sorrow and sadness, the 'please forgive me moment' straight after a moment of wanting to end it all because of the hurt that they inflicted on you. How do you survive such a cruel and confusing state of mind? How?
Deep, deep in my hurt and damaged soul I have a light that is still there, it's still alive, that is where it flickers, it will never die, it's just a flicker but it's still there. That is where my strength is.

I cared for my grandmother after she developed dementia from chemo therapy, she always knew who I was but was extremely unpredictable towards my husband, son and especially my daughter who was only 8 at the time. For some reason she was cruel toward my daughter, which in turn caused major upset with her because her once loving grandmother turned on her. Which unfortunately led me to put my grandmother in assisted living.
Dementia and AD is an extremely horrible disease. It not only robs the sufferer of their identity but we lose the people we love. I'm sorry you have to go thru this but remember, this is NOT your mother speaking and doing things. She's still in there but she has no control over what she does. As hard as it is, try not to take things personal.

One of Dad's childhood friends has been succumbing to it more in recent months. My dad has been his designated care taker and manages his estate though only in name as John, my dads friend, hasn't really needed the help. but after a recent event John isn't able to live on his own anymore and so my dad has been helping him more and more. John doesn't seem to notice the change in his life and is adapting quickly. My dad is another story...pretty tough on him.

because of that we all try to help when and how we can. It tough but you're doing the right thing. and your frustration is normal. Its helpful to express it especially if you have a support group