I need advice please

Hello. I usually post under fibro and lupus but I came here to ask for advice. My grandfather lives alone, and has alzheimers/dementia. He takes a medication, but I cant think of the name right now. He manages to get through his day. His neighbor brings him breakfast, he gets Meals on wheels at lunchtime. He hardly eats any of that food. I also stock his fridge and cupboards and that too rarely gets eaten. He Never bathes. He is starting to wet his pants on a regular basis. He quit shaving. He is confused about everything. Basically, he has been "on the fence", not quite bad enough to go into a nursing home but not quite good enough to live alone. I am trying to do as much as I can for him (I am the only relative he has in this area, so I have no help with this). I shop for him, take him to appointments, do his laundry, pay his bills(I am his POA), etc. But I cannot be there everyday bec

ause I am a stay at home mom with small children. I cannot take them to his house because it is in such bad shape. So I raised the question to my husband about whether he would be willing to have him live with us so I can do more for him. I could make sure he is eating better, bathing, etc. And I would be able to handle his laundry, medications, etc much easier if it was here at my home. My husband loves him and wants the best for him, but he is also concerned with bringing him into our home because of our small children. He is afraid that my grandfather may do things, say things, etc that would be bad for our kids to be around. I will be honest, I have no idea how things go with Alzheimers. I dont know what to expect and I guess I need to find some information. But my big question is...... is it a good idea to move him into my home and family. or would he be better off (or would my family be better off) if he was forced to move into a nursing home or assisted living.

BTW, he refuses to go to assisted living, etc so I would have to "force" him, which I dont want to do. Thanks for any help and opinions!!

Denise 

As Snowy said it has to be your home or a nursing home he can no longer stay alone. But , be fore you make a decision you need to educate yourself, get ahold of you local Alzheimer's foundation. NOT just a support group but the foundation so you can get some material as well as classes they offer. You will need to have hubby involved as well he will need to be at these classes as he will have to know how to respond. Yes some where down the road grandpa my say some thing he shouldn't maybe accuse the kids of taking his change because he has lost it... But You cant make a life commitment either way without knowldge. Call your 24 hours hot-line for Alzheimer's. Hope I have helped Nae

Thanks so much for the advice and for the thread bumps. I did check into assisted living and NH in our area, but he is very much against leaving his home. I cant bring myself to force him into a home, so I am really trying to convince my hubby to accept the idea of him living with us. I keep joking and telling everyone that he is my 4th child, but to be honest he kind of feels like that. I really think that it would be easier on me if he lived here. I just hope my family will agree and can adjust to him being with us.

Thanks again!!

Denise

I'm from Parkinson"s forum but I want to share my idea too regarding your problem. There's no place like home. The comfort and peace of mind is hard to find in nursing home. Take a care giver  who can stay 24 hours  with him. In his status he can not live by himself anymore. He might be lost, or he might have an accident that will endanger his life. They easily forget and sometimes confuse.  There are home care agencies that provide caregivers with reasonable rate. You can always ask for their fingerprint for background check. You can interview them before hiring. God Bless

Sweety,

I know he's not wanting to leave his home. My grandfather didn't want to do that either. We had to force him there because his place was no longer safe for him. He would get up in the middle of the night and leave his house and get lost. My grandma had to call the cops and friends to help find him. Even if he still somewhat knew where he was from time to time it was time to place him. It was getting harder and harder for my grandmother to take care of him. Have him live with you, get some knowledge on it first so you know what to expect. Also as for him saying things and doing things with the kids around. It all depeneds on what kind of man he is. My grandfather LOVED kids so he liked having them around but when we went up there one summer (the summer before he was placed), he wasn't really enjoying having teenagers around. And pretty much we all are teenagers except for 2 cousins at the time. My cousin went to hug his mom one time and my grandpa was like "Get your hands off her." And he almost hit him... his arm wasnt long enough. But he would NEVER hurt a fly. So sometimes the disease will change his personality. While he is living with you thought look into some places. Mine was placed in Bangor, Maine and they took such great care with him it was unbelivable. The staff was magnificent!!! If you have any questions feel free to ask. How old are the kids if you don't mind me asking.

I just cant bring myself to put him in a NH. I know he doesnt want to go and I dont want him to go in one. I truely want to take care of him, even though I realize it is a long hard road. My kids are 15, 3 and almost 2. And they love Poppop and he ADORES them. I swear he lives for the kids. So I am not so worried about that, but my hubby is. My hubby and I have been having some very serious converstations about it and I think he is coming around to the idea. I really am hoping he decides soon. I think every day that Poppop spends alone now is too long. But for now I will keep doing the best that I can, and I contacted the ALZ association. They are wonderful!! So helpful and full of great tips and suggestions. They are mailing me a movie about being a caregiver.

Ok, one more quick question.... if and when he starts living with us, I need to know if is ok to leave him alone for short amounts of time? Things like grocery shopping, doctors appointments, etc and also my family goes to my mother in laws every Sunday and we spend most of the day there... can he be home alone that long? He is a homebody and never wants to go anywhere or I would take him. 

Thanks again!!

HI there
I would try it for maybe an hour and be close by to see if he does try to go out of house or not
Another thing to do is invite a friend over to sit with him while you are away if that is possible

I am sure there is also homecare that will come in during those times you are out and afraid he will either wander or get into any type of trouble

Just some thoughts

Take care

LYN