Red!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I havent been on in awhile, so I thought I'd log on and torture... I mean talk to you

How have you been?

Did I remember to tell you we put Grandma in a home? I actually like the facility too.

I've been very sick lately. Including, trying to kick the bucket. Go figure, it isnt the brain tumor that tries to get me... but being "put under" (cant spell that word, starts with a) (the word when a doctor makes you sleep in lala land while you have surgery) . I have to be put under for MRIs cuz I am clasterphobic. I went for my MRI in Late July, and went into ICU while scaring my mom (and you know that is actually hard to do). I dont remember much, but I remember waking up and having a chaplain in my room. Next I know I'm in ICU, and having stuff on me everywhere, including oxygen. I needed 5% oxygen for awhile. I also had low blood pressure, tachy heart (heart too fast) @ 158. I still have my heart issues, but that is all. I am now on heart meds. But the good news is both (coughs yes, i found out earlier this year a second) brain tumors are trying to shrink and they expect i may go in remission soon. lets turn that may into a yes

And my man and I broke up last week. we were together 9 years.

So whats going on with you? I sure hope it isnt as bad as mine

oh i do got a story to tell you. grandma got real bad. remember how she kept attacking me? well one time she got me corned and attacked me like crazy, hit, bit, strangled, pinched, punched, pulled hair, even tried to pull my pic line out. Still going after 20 minutes. I took my cell phone out of my pocket and dialed 911 and shoved it back in my pocket. i just kept saying "grandma stop doing __ (whatever she was doing)" "grandma you are hurting me "grandma you have alheimers" "grandma you live at ___" and it worked... the police and medics came out. she attacked a police officer (boy am i glad i declared alheimers cuz he just took it liek i did when it could of been worse). The police talked her into going into the hospital by saying she can get away from me. she attacked the people in the hospital... and won a free trip to the physc ward... where.. you guessed it, what you said all along that needed to happen, a med adjustment happened. My mom decided to wake up and smell the coffee then and realized how much I was litterly bending over backwards doing 24/7 care with her. she decided to put grandma in a home but let me pick where cuz she knew i used to work in a nursing home and i dont want her in any kind of home except the best. her new medication is great! she knows who i am, and says she loves me! i even offered with the new meds to continue care, but mom chose a home.

Masahiro has done a lot of changing, it seems like I dont know him anymore. I love him, and I always will. He's became very rude, undermeaning, and more. Its hard to get him to listen, to talk without starting a fight. He and I are remaining friends. In fact, when I had to be with him (hes a bus driver and by chance i had to take that bus to go to a doctor appointment) he was acting like his old self. so i told him while he was in himself that hes changed a lot and he hurt me (he basically would imply im trash), and we actually agreed on things. He wanted to break up, but I talked him into staying friends because I love him and I also know that deep down this is not him and taht he cares somewhere. He is a bit older than me, 14 years, so I think I'm not sure, that he may be having a mid life crisis. I dont know what to do.. But so far I've know you've had great advice about everythign! He and I have been together 9 years, and I really dont wanna lose him. Hes my life, my love. In fact he and I share a connection, that has to be love. We can know things without saying it - right down to me sleeping while he is working and me waking and calling and saying "whats wrong? what happened honey?" and him saying "i was going to wait cuz you were sleeping." i know what we have is real, i just do not know what to do. he broke it off weith me, saying he didnt want to talk to me, changed his number, didnt want to see me ever again. since i had to take his bus to a doctor appointment, i did manage to talk him into at least being a friend still.

Yes, Masahiro is his name. He is Japanese. I really dont know what got to him, he wont talk. How can we work on an issue if he wont say what it is? I do love him though, and I think deep down he does too.

I will try... and see you did have advice!