New to this and need some advice

Hello, I'm here because I don't know where to start. I'm 35 years old and recently became a new mom. I was living across the country and when I was pregnant decided to move back. My father is 75, always had a bad memory and fell about 6 yrs ago buffing a floor and had a serious concussion, and worked as a baggage handler for the airlines for 25+ yrs.
Very slowly I've noticed some memory issues, but very minor. Until this past may he had some serious health problems that called for a pretty serious operation. He never had been sic, in fact hadn't had a check up in about 25 yrs up. After the surgery, he was not recovering, he had a urinary tract infection that was causing him to exhibit signs of confusion. That cleared up, and he got better, but had to spend2 weeks ina skilled nursing facility. After this, I notice times where he is in a sort of daze, for a few seconds, andiI think he snaps out of it then tries to cover it up. He will ask me something, I'll answer and the next question is the same. It's not often, but enough. Sometimes he'll get something in his head and ask me about it, and it doesn't make , almost like my answers aren't good enough or what he wants to hear. I planned on addressing this after all the other health issues and surgeries were finished and he just had his last surgery last week and then his brother in law passed away and his sister is in the hospital. My thing is we never really connected emotionally and he still thinks I'm a little kid. Even after I have been his health advocate and fought to get his health straightened out, he'd be dead if it weren't for me. I don't think I can handle talking to him about this and I don't know how to address it with him and be emotionally there for him. His long time friend recently passed away and had alzheimers for 6yrs and it was painful for him to see, so that's all he knows about it. I think a friend or someone else needs to address with him. Does anyone know what I mean? Its very hard to write what I'm feeling about that. Where do I start? I havea place to take him to get testing done, thanks for listening. Any advice will help

Hello LS318 ......

   You mentioned you have a place to get testing done. I assume you mean testing for either alzheimers or dementia - and I would guess a psychologist or similar diagnostic doctor would be involved with the testing.

   After you find out what the memory problem likely is, I would ask that doctor if there are any sources the doctor would recommend for telling your Father about the disease - video or otherwise. Maybe .... it would be possible for a medical person to tell your Father - if he has one that he trusts!

   Proper diagnosis is first.

   My Mother just recently (less than a month go) passed away from the end conditions of Dementia. The dementia, as well as, alzheimers is typically a disease spread over a long timeframe ... and is not cureable.

   My Mother had it and hid it for years before it was diagnosed. Once it was diagnosed, it was already in advancing stages. The doctor refused her release from the hospital to go home - unless she had 24/7 care. So for the next 15-months, she did live at home with a fulltime caregiver service.

   There came a point with her halucinations that she was back in the hospital - this time under the care of a psychiatrist for a month. Upon being released, the doctor said she would not be allowed to go home - even with a 24/7 caregiver. She now needed some care by an RN nurse. So she then went into an Assissted Living Home - specializing in Dementia and Parkinsons. She was ther for 16-months until she passed in January.

   She was on Hospice for about her last 5-weeks while in the Assisted Living Home.

   It is a very difficult thing to watch a loved one slowly deteriorate. I think initially, your Father will be sensitive to how he is told and by whom, if it is one of the memory diseases. And that may continue as he gets mentally worse. I think that depends on the person individually.

   It is a very good idea to read as much as possible about it ..... BUT only after you know what IT is! So the diagnosis is so important.

   By the way, my Mother was lucky enough not to have any major operations in her whole life - or cancer or any other major illness. My guess is that the Dementia may have started 10-years or longer ago!

  

   One other thought - there might be a social worker thru a doctors office or hospital that could talk to your father after the diagnosis. It might be the best type of person to explain to him what would need to be told.

Peace and wellness

Rob & Gizmo