I hear you -
and I've been there!
Please vent about it!
There's not much very comforting i could say - except I have too good of an idea of what you're going thru. That may be of some comfort!
My Mother just passed two months ago - while in an Assisted Living Home for Dementia and Parkinsons for 16-months. And before that, she did have a 24/7 caregiver in her own home for 15-months.
Her diagnosis was dementia just before the 24/7 caregiver started - when she was in a hospital after falling down at home - and being virtually helpless to get up herself.
I too have COPD ... so i know the limitations that one can be under ... and how stress can magnify those limitations. If you're on albuterol, I would certainly take it just as you're starting your visit with your Dad. The albuterol typically lasts 2 to 3-hours and starts working within a minute or two.
If you're taking Spiriva and/or Advair - I would certainly take those the morning of visiting. I'm on both daily - and they work well. I'm also a cancer patient - so I am on chemo and HT on an ongoing basis.
My Mother passed peacefully and with the help of hospice - even while she was in the Assisted Living. Her memory was a long spiral downward over the years - and yes ..... it does hurt to watch that happen. I know!
If you can, try not to blame anyone for this .... and try to accept it as a cruel situation that you must deal with or tolerate. It is the cruelest to the survivor - and not the patient at some point.
In the meantime, please try to continue with professional counseling help. Medication may be needed ... but think of it as - if you can't function, then you can't do anything for your Dad either. Or for that matter, the rest of your family.
Sorry you are going thru this ... but you're not alone there ... too many of us are or have been already!
Peace and wellness
Rob & Gizmo