How can I talk to my grandpa?

Hi,

First let me say I am grateful for this forum and looking forward to any suggestions!

Tonight I went out with my grandparents and cousin. We were all helping my young cousin prepare for a school yardsale. Everything was fine until suddenly my grandpa who has alzheimers suddenly became very angry. He did not want my grandma to help. He kept saying over and over that she is very sick and should not be doing anything. My grandma insisted she was fine but he INSISTED to the point where it became yelling around kids. It was very upsetting for us all. We tried our best to handle the situation but it was very hard!

I didn't know what to do in the moment. At first I told my cousin not to worry and that we should try not to pay attention to his behavior. But he continued on this vein for 15 minutes loudly before we could finish what we were doing. At one point I went up to him and calmly explained to him that grandma was ok and that we would be finished in a few minutes. He was stuck on his belief that she was not fine. He would not listen to reason.

There were other kids around and although my grandma kept reassuring him he refused to listen to her. Is there any way to communicate with someone who has alzheimers to keep them calm? We tried the honest approach but he did not believe us. I tried praying and I tried to rub his arm to calm him down but as I was walking away he grabbed my arm and if I had not been out of arms reach it could have easily become physically violent. Although I know he couldn't hurt me I am concerned because if he gets mad like that when he's home alone with my grandma he could hurt her.

I really need some ideas on how to communicate. We tried listening to him. We were patient and calm but it did not work. We were clear that we would be done by 5:30. I even suggested he could wait in the car until we finished but that just seemed to make him madder. And then he began berating my cousin saying he should do this on his own, etc. My cousin was strong and did not "fight" with grandpa. He just kept telling him we were almost done.

I have never been around my grandpa during an episode. I was struck by how sudden it all happened. We had been there for a half an hour doing everything fine and calmly and happy before he suddenly started complaining. I would appreciate any suggestions!

Thank you,
Caroline

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when an individual has alzheimer's they have a hard time understanding us or know what is going on. you need to be at their level and put yourself in their position. it's very hard but you will communicate better with them when you do this. if he thinks that your grandma is ill, then say "ok, maybe we will let her rest and we will all work together on this" and let him help with assistance. they are not in the same world as us and by trying to tell him grandma is ok-he does not understand. they get angry with us if we try telling them different. if he calls you by another name, then you need to be that person.  i hope that helps. if you have anymore questions let me know. take care! lisa

Hello Caroline and welcome.

I agree that this board is a great place to come to. I have picked up some very helpful tips on here that I can use when I am with my sister who has Dementia.She is only 55.

I can imagine how tough for you all that day at the yard sale must have been. I agree with Lyn that maybe one way to have calmed your Grandpa down would be for your Grandma to say somthing like "oh well maybe I should sit down for a while,will you sit with me?" and then "hopefuly" after a few minuets your grandpa would calm down and your grandma would be able to help with the sale again. At the same time your Grandma could be asking Grandpa for advice such as "where shall we put this?" or "could you put this on that table for me?"  I know myself that even then things might not go as we hope and you end up just muddling through to the best of your abilty. Unfortunatly thats all you can do. Thats just my opinion though as I am definatly no expert.

I can't remember where I read it now but one example of a conversation with someone with AD realy made me think,it went somthing like this...... Patient in a panic.....  "There is a monster behind the curtain,help!"  Carer looks behind the curtain and says...  "Oh I am sorry that you got frightened but it's ok now because it looks like the monster has gone now"

I think that many of us would probably have reacted differently and said somthing like this... "No there is no Monster, there cant have been" The trouble with that reaction is that the person with AD will probably get more frustated and frightened because they havn't been believed.

I feel for you and your situation with your grandpa.

Sue

  

Just wondering how you are all doing lately with the saeson rush and all the goodies to bake ..........God Bless ........Lyn

Hey sis that is a really good idea ......I am going to borrow that one from you for sure .........How is Dad and Mom thru all the holiday rushing about and healthwise ??.......lots of love and huggs to all and all the best to you's for a Warm Loving and Healthy and Happy Christmas filled with the love of family and friends ......and to a prosperous New Year ..........Love ya sis.........God Bless .....Lyn.....Sure hope you are NOT overdoing it either as you do not need to be sicker or I will have to come there and kick butt lol........Lyn

Hey Lynn . . . thanks for the super holiday greeting!!! Back at you sis!!!

Dad is doing ok. He actually made it through our family Christmas party and did really well. He is very confused lately, more so than usual, so I hope he isn't taking another nose-dive.

I hope the note thing works as well for your mom as it does for dad.

No . . . I'm not overdoing it. I traded holday decorating fror cookies!! My only Christmas decoration is a big poinsettia and Christmas cards. But, I did bake 5 kinds of cookis this year . I'm having my four adult children, spouses and grandkids for Christmas dinner, but I am making some easy stuff.

I hope you are being careful with your energy as well sis!!

Merry Christmas and Blessings!