New to Forum - Issues with mother

Please, I need advice.

My mother is 82 and is exhibiting problem behavior.  My sister and I had to move her from her apartment to assisted living and I feel very guilty about limiting mymother's independence which she values above everything.  She was seeing people in her apartment and claiming men were coming through her door even with a dead bolt lock installed.  We moved her from one apartment in the building to another and she developed another story about men in her apartment.  She claimed people would come in and sleep on her sofa.  Finally, she stopped eating properly and forgot to take her medication.  She went into the hospital because of dehydration.  In an attempt to keep her in her apartment, I hired a person to stay with her overnight and arranged for an emergency call service that could be activated by pressing a button that was positioned around her neck.  She couldn't understand how to use it.  She was however very sharp about how much money she had or didn't have.  I made sure she had enough all the time and would buy her anything she asked for.  As a result of her lack of ability to take care of herself and the many times she had to go to the hospital we decided to move her to assisted living.  I live 200 miles away and my sister 500 miles.  My sister is destitute and I am the only one in the family that canpay for anything.  We found a place near the town she was living in for what I could afford and her social security.  They take really good care of her physically but she remains very unhappy as her hallucinations are continuuing.  She blames her problems on the place and does not recognize that it is a problem with herself.  Whenever I call her, she pleads for me to mover her and then she threatens to leave.  I make sure she has food she likes beyond what they give her there.  Because of distance, I can only visit her once a month.  During my visits I take her out for meals and shopping.  She tells me wild stories about walls opening up in her room and strange lights.  Also staircases behind the wall that opens up.

I feel so bad about her misery I can't sleep at night.  When she talks about other things she is quite understandable and coherent.  She can be highly manipulative and nasty.  She has no inhibition about saying hurtful things.  What can I do?

Hi Marty and Welcome ..........You do sound very caring and concerened about your Mom .....I think you have made the right decision and I would check into what Rosie had to say as well .......I look after parents at home and I know with all that is going on in my health I wont be able to do it for too much longer............Your Mom I am sure doesnt mean to be miserable or mean it is part of this DD .......Hallucinations go hand in hand as well ......if you have a few minutes there are resources at the side of this page that may help you out .........Know that you are not alone and we do know what you are talking about ......I will bump up some posts for you ok .......take care and please post again .........God Bless ......Lyn

Marty ...Just wondering how you are making out ...God Bless....... .Lyn

Hi and Welcome to HW........ You will find that most on this forum (at least 3 or 4 ) I can think of off the top of my head are retired nurses or worked in the HC feild in some capacity..........I for one had own retirement home for yrs till sickness took me from it .......At the side in yellow is resources for this DD and they have helped me out quite a lot.........We have fantastic support groups, here in Canada as well (Ontario) and this site has been a God send for me ......I look after both parents Mom and my step Dad and it is a very rewarding ,yet sometimes frustrating thing to have to do as I have NO support from my siblings at all and they all live here in town .....Go fiqure........I am really glad you found us here and hope to see more of your posts in the future.............I believe you will find so much care support and empathy here..........I know I have over the last yr.......God Bless and be well ......BTW.....we do have a National (constantly updated) registry of AD peeps and they do have bracelets as well that you are able to purchase for your loved ones ......Glad to have you aboard .........God Bless ....Lyn