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Vascular dementia and feeling guilty

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Alzheimer's Disease
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Posted 5/30/2018 5:52 PM (GMT 0)
My dad is 85 years old and has vascular dementia. In January we had to move him to a home because my mom could no longer take care of him. I live in the US and they live in South America.

I went to see them last month and it has been very sad. The place where he is is nice and clean and he has his own private large room and bathroom. The thing is that he does not even remember I went to visit him and it breaks my heart.

I talked to a psychiatrist and she told me that we as a family needed to mourn my dad because he was not longer there. She said that we need to take care of his body and needs but that the dad I had is already gone. This was hard to hear but in many ways made some sense.

My mom and sister (that lives close by) continues to go there to be sure he is well taken care of and to visit. I do feel so guilty from living so far.

Has anyone experience something like this? Thanks.
Posted 5/31/2018 9:28 AM (GMT 0)
Everyone that posts in this Alzheimer's forum has been where you are...or they will be. Sorry you're having to go through it. The good news is that is sounds like he's being well taken care of.
Posted 6/9/2018 4:15 PM (GMT 0)
Hi AnxietyKeller.
I’m sorry you are going through this. I just lost my dad in December 2017 to vascular
Dementia and other health complications. It is very hard to go through. It sounds like he is being taken
Well care of and has family near by.
What helped me in the past years was my dad was always a family person, worked 2 jobs, and always tried to be there for us as we grew up. We had 8 kids in the family. I tried to talk about all the “ good ole days”
And times I knew he would remember. Long term memory is easier for them to grasp I was told. It was by no means easy, but hearing his “stories” made me appreciate all he had done for our family.
When he stopped talking, I talked about what was going on each day. He loved to hear about golf (he was a
golf lover at an early age) , my family, what the other patients were doing down the hall ( he too needed
Nursing home care after not being safe in my home after 18 years of living there). I knew he could hear it all.
Spend what you can with your dad now.
Wishing you peace.
Posted 7/20/2018 12:25 AM (GMT 0)
I recently had to place my husband in a facility. I had stopped working last November to stay home & care for him. He was diagnosed with Dementia probably 10 tens ago. He did well for many of those years. However, last summer he began that snowball down the hill effect. He has Vascular Dementia, his father & paternal grandmother also had dementia.
I was told this morning they are looking at what the Social worker called “ Terminal Restlessness”. Has anyone ever been told this about their loved one?
He was taken to a behavioral center for about 8 days. They took him off several medications & added back one anti-depressant. He was then brought back to the original facility with the thinking he would adjust better. Things are not as bad as before. However, they have had to place him in a different area of the Alzheimers Unit. They have also spoke of possibly needing to place him in a Behavioral Unit permanently .
I googled the Terminal Restlessness & certainly did not like what I read. Has anyone else heard of this?
Thanks
Posted 7/20/2018 7:30 AM (GMT 0)
Hi:

No, I for one, have not heard of Terminal Restlessness. You're right. It does sound unpleasant.
My Mom isn't at that stage yet. I feel for you.
Posted 7/19/2020 7:17 PM (GMT 0)
I realize this is a bit of an older original post but I have years and years of experience with a family member who had dementia. Generally terminal restlessness or agitation refers to agitation that occurs near the end of life. Both of my parents had it. I know what you're going through. Sometimes it happens earlier in ppl with dementias. It pretty much means they don't know what is happening and act out. My mother passed away in December after 10+ years of progressive vascular dementia. I don't know how many times I researched the "stages" but finally realized the only constant is there is no constant. Every person is different. The best you can do is roll with it and try not to blame yourself. The guilt never really goes away. But it does fade over time.

Post Edited (1 day at a time) : 7/21/2020 3:48:23 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 3/16/2021 8:33 PM (GMT 0)
It's been awhile since I've posted here. I do see some old friends (Pratoman, Clocknut, and Complier). My husband, Ron was tested again and he does have Mild Cognitive Impairment; however, I don't see this as a topic. Hello everyone!
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