i'm new to this...i need advise

hello to all

     i am trying to cope with the everyday struggles of caring for my 76 yoa mother who is now in the advanced stages of alzheimers. my brother whom i have had an off and on again relationship has put our mother in a nh, he is the poa

    myself and my family(my husband and 3 daughters) have been caring for her for the last 5 years.well recently she fell, while attempting to pick something up from the floor, and broke her pelvic bone in 2 places.of course we called ems and she was taken to the hospital and we were told she would need about 16 weeks of therapy to help her heal.

    without even talking to me , he decides to put her in the nh, she has been there for about 10 weeks now, she is miserable,often agitated with everyone,she begs me to take her home. ii have asked my brother to pleases let her come back and get in  home help for her , he of course says no, this is not fair,my mother raised me, and taught me to be a loving, caring adult, its my turn now to take care of her now

      my whole family is upset.... we don't know what to do

please if you have any ideas,opinions...anything

so i pretty much sol...
i kinda of figured about that much, with my mother being in the middle stages of alz, can getting the poa changed be legal?

Hi Teresa and Welcome ......I am so sorry about all you are going thru ....recently after looking after my Mom for yrs just myself and daughter (ex as well) my younger sister decided to go to Mom's and paint and take down wallpaper after Mom had been sent home with a mild caes of pneumonia.........well needless to say this made her much sicker she went to hospital and was quite adament she could smell mold and I believed her....anyways to make a long story short My mom was intubated on March 19th ,air lifted to London Ontario and passed away on March 20 at 6:30 in the morning ........there was no POA and the only thing I had done up was a paper (notarized) saying I would never let her go into NH........I was not notified in time to be with Mom when she went I got there after her death and the sister and younger brother with my step dad (also has AD) had been talked to by a social worker and THEY decided to donate Mom's body for research.........
As you can well imagine I was and still am highly upset over all of this and it has really caused some bad feelings amongst the siblings ......They were never there for her when she was alive and I took care of her with all my ilnesses and had my daughter and ex help me ........Dad is the one now we look after and this is her (sister's) Bio dad my step dad BUT again they (none of them) do anything for him unless they want money or something then they are there.......it makes me sick ........so yes I can and do relate to this whole thing you are going thru
I have a suggesstion and I dont know where you live but in Ontario it is allowed.....I have written and had my minister write and other peeps about the fact that I looked after her and am looking after Dad not any of the other family and I did it out of love not for any other reason or compensation as I am sure you do......to the Lawyer and now I am POA for Dad and I will make sure all is on the up and up anfd follow his wishes to the letter....anyways I have proven that I was the primary caregiver for Mom and Dad and now I am fighting this about her body being kept in the Hospital (til students return to study) because I will not have her ashes til sometime next yr ..this leaves me no closure and all kinds of heartfelt pain......now I believe that yes AD needs more research but they are doing this this way as it is cheaper and to study alcohol effects ( heavy drinker til last yr) and COPD, Emphysema and she also had cancer ......
Is it possible for you do do as I did and have peeps verify that you and your family were the ones that did her caregivig.....Not the brother......I dont know if this would be possible but I am praying this can be changed for you and you can have her home with you where she will obviously be taken care of and given plenty of love.......I am sorry for the ramble but I am sure you can see that I am still very hurt and angery over all of what had taken place.........If you would like to talk my email and other infois under name please do get ahold of me I am here for you and I am able to understand really....
I am praying for you and your Mom, you's are in my thoughts please get in touch and hey thanks for letting me ramble and get this off my chest........Please keep coming here and posting you will find lots of empathy and support here on HW......God Bless......

BTW if you have the means I would go for the Guardian ship as Snowy had posted about