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Help with my Mom...please.

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Alzheimer's Disease
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Posted 8/24/2007 1:49 PM (GMT 0)
Hello everyone.  It's been about 8 months since I last posted.  Things are getting worse with my Mom and I need suggestions. 

Here is the background on my situation.  My Mom is 75 years old. She'll turn 76 in January.  She has been having memory problems for well over 5 years.  Three years ago she was diagnosed with AD.  She has been on Aricept and Namenda for the past couple of years.  I am her son (38 years old) and take care of her.  We each own condo's in the same complex so it is easy for me to stop by daily and care for her.  I make sure she takes her medicines, insulin, eye drops...I take her grocery shopping, I do her laundry, etc.  Last winter she started having very paranoid thoughts.  First it was her doctors were doing inappropriate things to her (we never leave her alone with her doctors).  Then it was her neighbors being mad at her.  The it was directed at my sister.  She thought my sister stole $600 from her.  Of course this didn't happen.  My Mom had hidden the money and I found it.  Even though I explained that to her, it didn't help.  This "episode" lasted almost 4 months. 

Well, things were better this spring and summer.  I took Mom to the beach and she had a WONDERFUL time.  Things were even great between her and my sister.  But this weekend, she had a new paranoid thought - that my sister had stolen some of her clothes.  She even remembers seeing my sister in a store wearing her clothes.  She says my sister laughed in her face.  Again, this is absurd.  My sister is in her early 40's and is not even the same size as my Mom.  And, the only time my Mom gets out to a store is if I take her and this never happend.  My Mom has been VERY upset...angry...sad.  She is now directing it at me too.  She thinks she saw me and my sister talking and laughing. (I haven't seen my sister in over two weeks.) She is so angry at me now too.  She gets very dramatic. 

Eight months ago we started my Mom on Serequel which is an ant-psychotic medication.  We started her at 25mg.  She is now taking 200mg.  It helped before, but I don't see it helping anymore.

I don't know what to do.  I don't know how to handle this situation.  I feel so scared and alone.  Even though I have 7 brothers and sisters, me and my sister are really the only two that are involved in caring for mom.  And now with her being angry at my sister, it all falls on me.  One of my other sisters has started helping with dinners, which is wonderful, but I still feel fully responsible.

I want to "fix" this situation, and I know I can't.  I have prayed to God to help me through this.  I am very lucky that Mom sleeps very well at night and usually is only upset during the day.  (I know this is different from most AD patients.) 

Does anyone have any suggestions.  Have you all experienced this with your loved ones as well?  How do you all find the strength to cope.  I am a nervous wreck, I don't sleep at night and also have a stressful full time job to deal with. 

Help...

Posted 8/24/2007 6:18 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Rob,

You are such a dear son to take on this huge responsibility. There is usually one in each family who will "step up" and make sure things get done.

We lost my dad in January and we had some similary scenarios where he could not tolerate one of my brothers and one of my sisters. But that still left 5 of us to help out. Mom was actually the main caretake (thank God) and I was the one coming in two or more days a week to get her out of the house to get a break. Long story short, I finally made a schedule of Saturdays where each sibling took a certain Saturday of the month and I took any fifth Saturday. With this schedule we always knew, without a calendar, what day we were responsible to go to mom's house and spend a few hours with dad so she get out to do shopping and visit frieds. It worked very well, but NO ONE helped until the schedule was made. I included a note on the schedule about Mom's need for companionship and respite and I also asked that if anyone could not do their Saturday, that they contact another sibling to switch days. I was absolutely amazed (and thankful) that it worked so well.

Each family seems to find their own way . . . but don't wait for them to "step up". The sister who your mom doesn't trust can do shopping and cleaning and help with the food prep ect. Everyone can do something. If you keep an ongoing list of things you need help with, the others will learn to look for the list or ask about the list. Its amazing.

I don't know a whole lot about the psychotic episodes . . . Dad did have some of the too and we did our best to work around it.

I hope you'll keep us updated. Your solutions will be invaluble to others so make sure you let us know how you manage this.

Hugs and Blessings!
Posted 8/24/2007 10:42 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks Sis
Great input from Rosie already so I will just ask that you do keep us up to date on whats going on and know that I too had a family like yours .......No one did anything but Cait and I .........

I am sorry for what you are going thru

God BLess
LYN
Posted 9/7/2007 2:40 PM (GMT 0)
Alzheimer's pass through this stage. There is a significnat personality changes and idisyncratic behavior evolve. They become, apathetic, withdrawn, anxious and agitated. They are suspicious, panoid; may accuse spouse of having an affair, or accuse family member of stealing.
Keep in mind that these problems are due to the disease and are not done in purpose. Learn ways to cope wiht these situations and avoid mkaing them worse. an gaitated tone can upset your loved one, a calm tone can reassure. avoid arguing with reality. She might be confused and not be able to separate past from present and she might even forget who you are. if you can play along you may spare both of your frustrations
Posted 9/7/2007 9:46 PM (GMT 0)
Can you take her out more?Do you have a lake where there are ducks,geese,swans? Get some corn & help her feed them I do this every day,& it's a great stress buster........Makes my day.
Posted 9/8/2007 6:36 PM (GMT 0)
Nova Rob
How are things going
Please keep posting and let us know how you and your mom are doing

LYN
Posted 7/5/2009 2:24 PM (GMT 0)

Hello,

I'm not sure if this fits this but...my mom has been yelling about missing some of her clothes. And she has been yelling indirectly at me. There is a lock on her door, only she has the key and still she is missing clothing. Lately I have been losing weight so I am now able to fit into some of my older clothes and when she looked at me she thinks that those were once her clothes. She shops in the same places and in the junior section too so our clothes do at times appear the same. There have been times when she would give me a shirt then turn around and told me I stole it from her. Because of this I try not to take anything from her but she then gets mad if I refuse. If I tell her when to pick me up some times she forgets as soon as i walk away. She is beginning to mix up words like saying brake when she means gas. Is there something else going on here? This woouldn't be the first time she as accused someone of stealing, but...I don't know what to do. Is there something else wrong with her brain, or...I don't know. Any help would be appreciated.

Posted 7/5/2009 3:42 PM (GMT 0)
Halo you don't say if she's been dx with dementia..........Has she??
Posted 9/17/2009 5:21 PM (GMT 0)

Hi Rob

My friend has sick (Alz) old mother. But he supports her constantly.

I do not know how to transmit to you the information?

Posted 12/9/2009 8:46 PM (GMT 0)
Just wondering if you are still around and how your mom is doing...lyn
Posted 1/3/2010 11:28 PM (GMT 0)
My mom was given seroquel before and she would get nightmares. The kind where she would scream bloody murder. I lived in an apartment before and that was never fun. I'm surprised no one ever called the cops. Anti-psychotic meds are dangerous as far as I'm concerned and I don't think they do any good.
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