Breaking through the wall

Hi,

I just joined today, found the site in my panic disorder workbook.  Through counseling (which I entered in January after a miscarriage and ten years of panic attacks which became suicidal depression), I believe I have panic attacks due to being molested as a child.  I am having a really hard time dealing with and accepting this, my attacks are increasing and I have had to take Xanax, which I hate for the after effects.  Is there anyone else in this group with a similar history?  I am SO scared.  I feel like I am going crazy, like my skin doesn't fit my body, like this will never end and I will never be normal.  I want to be free of this, so I can't turn back and stop working through this.  My poor hubby gets asked a million times a day if I will be ok.  I need constant reassurance and I have every horrible panic physical symptom I have ever seen listed anywhere.  I can identify with the pulse checking post, I have that too, to the point where I have fingernail marks in my neck from checking.  I am totally terrified of having another panic attack where my heart beats like it will come out of my chest.  I know the books and my doctor say it is not dangerous, but I live in fear of it.  I started a beta-blocker today to try to stop the effects of the adrenaline on my heart.

Does it get better?  Is there anyone out there that has beaten this thing?  I am tired of living in fear, of the jobs and promotions this has cost me, of being afraid to be pregnant again, of what it does to my family and to me.

Thanks for listening.

Dear Flychickvic,

Welcome to HealingWell and the A & P forum.  Yes people do beat anxiety all the time but please remember every member is different with their own backgrounds, and histories.  I believe I have seen members on every type of med and therapy that is being used by the Pdocs out there now.

I am glad to hear you are trying a beta blocker, I use Inderal daily.  I just take it and don't worry about it.  To me it is just part of what I have to do to be able to live a normal life.  I have had years go by where I was fine and no big issues.

I am so sorry for what you have been through and it feels to me like you are well connected to the medical world and receiving good care.

Anxiety is a disorder and not something anyone would wish to have but so many do not understand how difficult it is to live with this disorder.

You have joined a wonderful forum of members who know where your coming from and what your going through.

Keep posting and know we care.
Gentle Hugs

Kitt

Hi Flychickvic,   Welcome to the Healing Well family, you will find that many members of this great community will be able to relate to what you are going through.   I am so sorry for your miscarriage, that can be such a traumatic event and in time you will feel that it's the right time to get pregnant again.  Now just isn't the time for you.  I am very happy to know that you are in therapy and even though it's tough (I know it is as I have been in therapy for a while for the same issue as you) you will get through.  But just remember that it will get a little worse before it gets better - when you get into the really hard stuff, it's hard being able to get through it.  But you can do it, lean on your husband for the support that you will and take the Xanax - it's not a crutch, it's just a way of helping you through this difficult time.  Remember, you can't do this all by yourself, so please don't try to do that - accept the help that is being offered to you (i.e. your therapist, your husband, the members here at Healing Well.   Please keep posting so that we can get to know you better and to help you along this difficult journey.  We truly care!   Take care and (((((HUGS))))), Wen

Flychickvic
I am so glad you have a counselor that you have a trust relationship with and the healing takes time but I have gret faith that you will make it.

Take care and keep posting.
Kitt