AWOL Husband

Hey, I haven't shared this before but I'm freaking out to the point that I have to do this now.  I don't tell people this for fear of judgement, but I believe that my HW family will not think less of me for this.  I'm trusting you now okay.  I have been married for 8 years now.  My husband, has been a missing person for five of those years.  I try not to dwell, because it makes everything worse....I feel I am partly to blame.

He was working in a high stress national security job and he developed panic disorder and agrophobia (he had none of this when he met me - I feel that I was a bad influence somehow) and became paranoid.  He didn't take his meds, didn't get much help.  Then he didn't come home and that was it.

I tried to find him but we have an incredibly common surname and he has no surviving family.  I don't have the money or emotional strength to comb the earth.

I have tried to move on, have moved state, have an amazing guy in my life who puts up with my kookai...

The freak is, this morning one of my dearest friends (Who lives many states away) called me, she is sure she saw him and tried to talk to him, but he ran????! I am scared, my anxiety is through the roof, in fact it is through a whole suburb of roofs.  What if he comes back? What do I do? What if he IS alive? This is so freaky..I don't know what to do.  I'm just so ahhhh. Please help.

Meg,

I don't think anyone would change their opinion of you because of this situation, and I'm glad that you had the courage to share and maybe unload some of what seems to be a huge burden you have carried for so long.  You are not to blame for his disorders, it's not something you can "catch" from someone else, so don't feel guilt over that, it's not your fault.    I feel bad for you that you've had to endure this the past five years and now to have the great fear of him returning, I can't imagine how awful that would be.  I would guess that if he hasn't contacted you up to this point, he probably will not, but if he does, what is it that you fear?  Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

My Dear Megs,

Hey my friend, don't you ever worry about being judged here.  I could write a bad novel about all the things I have done in my life but I it is better left in the past.  So you are always safe with us.

You can not cause another person's illness so don't you blame yourself for his leaving.  He obviously just ran away from his life and his stressful job and you have been in limbo ever since.  Now he has been sighted and again he ran to avoid being approached.

You have a man you are crazy about and I am a bit crazy about him too.  LOL  He was so thoughtful when you were in hospital.  I think he must be a pretty good guy.

Perhaps you should think about dissolving this marriage to your missing husband and just move forward and stay in the moment.  Yup I said it. 

Yesterday is gone, and tommorow will take care of itself so live in today and be happy.  You deserve the best.  Your MIA husband is not going to show up out of the blue and he did abandon you so for your sake I hope you can find some peace and closure to this sad time in your past and know you are loved by all here.

I wish you peace and happiness but most of all, I wish you love.

Hugs

Kitt

Sweet S.I.S.
I totally agree with Gramps and Wen as well ...
Dont look back sweetie
YOU are never judged here and you never will be you should know that you are only loved and supported by all

As like KITT ( lil sis ) I could write a HUGE novel about the crap I have done and gone thru ( oh wait I did write a novella ) Smile babe it will be OKAY
YOU have your family right here and keep us posted when you are up to it ...........
Love
S.I.S.


I sent you a detailed email my s.i.s

Hey thanks for all of the input.  I just knew you wonderful people would understand.  I have called the DI who started this case and let him know about the sighting, but as he has done nothing wrong in the eyes of the law (except to break my heart) it is not a priority case.  I take on board all that you say about moving on, but it's not just that simple for me,

Maybe I am a wimp, but I want him to be okay, I want him to know he is missed.  It's not all about me..it's about his recovery.

I don't want to ruin what I am so blessed to have right now but I cannot run from it.  I will help him with every inch that I have, because I understand fear.

Dear Meg,

May you find him safe and sound and may you unravel the mystery of why he disappeared and where he has been.  I wish you peace and happiness.  I want what you want for you.

If this is your husband and you still have feelings for him I understand your "spinning in circles" over this sighting of him.

I will pray for you and for him that he will contact you and the two of you may meet.  I know your scared and excited at the news all at the same time.

Hugs
Kitt

It is "official"..he is alive, and he is making amends..I cannot deal with it today, there is too much hurt.  I give myself permision to fall apart.

((((falls apart with Kitt blessing)))))

Dearest Meg,   I can't even begin to imagine all the emotions you must be feeling right now and you have every reason and right to fall apart now.  So no shame in that at all.  You are going through a lot right now and there is not and never will be any judgement from anyone here at HW.  We care, love and support you.  Keep posting - we want to help.   Hugs, Wen

S.I.S.

You know what I have said to you on the phone sweety and I truly believe that you will make it thru this .......and S.....

If it were I I would take my now man and go to talk to him and explain he never gave you reasons for leaving and the hades you went trhu all these years
YES you do want to help him I get that
He has to want help as well and he needs to know you cannot keepp your life on "Standby" for him

YOU have come to far to go backewards my S.I.S.


I am here for you .....you know that

LUVS
S.I.S. .........ALways.........stay strong plz and if you need me beep me
Do you have Yahoo or msn to mesage .if so you can add me and I will try as will so many others to keep you stron


'OFFICIAL meltdown allowed ...OTHER ......NO plz .......

Meg,

We are all right here with you as you go through this mindboggling situation. I hope we can help you find the strength you need to sort it out.

Love and hugs,
percycat

What an amazing story and I hope you are finding closure. Maybe when the pain lessons you can turn your story into a blockbuster movie.

Meg,

Good for you for setting up that strong and healthy boundary. This man has treated you in a way that's unacceptable, no matter what his reasons may have been. If he genuinely wants to make amends, it is indeed his responsibility to do so without expecting you to further disrupt your life on his behalf.

When we've been at fault in turning someone's life upside down by one of our own mistakes, we should find a way to apologize and make up for it that won't turn them upside down a second time. Otherwise, we show that we're still prisoners of the same selfish thinking that prompted the first mistake.

Love and prayers,
percycat